Your question was: Is there any way to get into contact with ppl on Match.com w/o a paying account?.
Not going to force someone to move out of some where. Especially because I know his financial situation. But I guess what I am asking is just opinons on what certain people would do. It would be nice if he moved out but I will not suggest it nor would I try to put the pressure on him to move out. Just want to know that If I cant deal with this situation should I leave or should I sit him down and think of a possible way we can get by this. Even though the trust I once had is now gone, because of this secret he decided to keep from me for so long. I dont think it would be a problem if he told me from the beginning. I would have either accepted it or left him alone then. We caught feelings for one another and he still didn't tell me. I believe that I deserved to make my own decision on whether I could deal with it from the beginning rather me finding out after we made our relationship (thru Match.com) official. I have the RIGHT! to know, especially if he wants and expects me to tell him about all of my past relationships..
Edited 3/27/2009 12:11 pm ET by lightskinjawn07..
Hi,The situation you are in really sucks. I'm so sorry. It is not like you meant to be snooping, but you ended up finding something. Plus, it is never a good feeling to find out upsetting things that happened in the past that you didn't know about.Just remember though that he is with you, and not her. He sounds like he really cares about you and treats you right. He might have thought that is was not a big deal either- it was just convenient messing around.Times like this is where the trust issue comes up in a relationship.
It's hard, but the answer will help you decide what to do. Go with your instincts. Hope this helps a little!K2H..
Did you ask him before about her and he said theyve always been just friends? Because then he didnt really lie per se. He just didnt mention it..
If you have trust issues with him, then yah, itll be difficult. I had a boyfriend who had a girl room mate. They weren't even really friends. She was never in the house because she was always over at her fiance's place. I never worried about it. He said they never hooked up before. But say he lied and I later found out they used to hook up, in that particular situation I honestly wouldnt have cared if they had a past because the present facts were that she was really never ever around and he was very clearly in love with me. .
But that's me. That's why I said - whatever you decide I think here is not right or wrong. People just have different thresholds, standards, and circumstances. For me, what is important is what is occurring in the present. ..
If you have already decided that you cannot forgive this then there isn't much choice but to leave the relationship. If you stipulate that he must move out of the apartment/house with her in order to continue a relationship (thru Match.com) with you, which I think is perfectly reasonable, then that is what he must do. A reasonable man would understand. The reason he didn't tell you was because he knew that any woman would not be okay with his arrangement. He really was NEVER going to tell you this.If I were you, he could keep the roommate but the girlfriend would be LOOOOONG GONE...
People dont come forward with that kind of information unless asked. If you had asked did you and this person mess around...and he said no and you found this stuff....Dude would be on the curb knowing what every pigmitaion in that curb looked like. If you cant forgive then you need to leave!!! If on the other hand you didnt ask...and fouund this stuff...you are as much to blame for the lack of knowledge as he is. Again though you kinda created all this by snoopin...but then again there were signs we was giving off that maybe somehing was going on??? His messages were not your to look at. But I would leave. I have a thing about people who had messed around and for some reason still hang out??? ODD..for me..
Thank you everyone for your advice. You have really helped me look at it from every point of view. .
He has called me to apologize and told me he thinks our relationship (thru Match.com) is worth keeping and working through this. I believe him because he has been nothing but a good person to me since we met and I love him, but maybe if I just sit him down and we talk about the situation and anything else that I might need to know before I find out somehow that can affect my feelings. I dont want to make a mistake because dont know if this situation is worth breaking it off or trying to move forward..
I know he would've never told me and yes I shouldn't have been snooping, which I dont do often . Just was curious, and he knew I was snooping but didn't seem to care. I know he's a good man so we just need to come to a common ground and learn how to get past this. I sure learned my lesson, and I hope he has learned his too. Thanks everyone!..
I'm glad you two were able to work this out. As a precaution, though, you might want him to come clean on anything important he just didn't mention. Someone told you that he didn't lie about the roommate. I disagree - he lied by omission. And I wonder what his response would have been, had the tables been turned..
It's good that you two can sit down and see each other's POV. Best wishes..
CL - Women of Color ..
I like to live by the policy of dont ask dont tell when it comes to exes .. unless that ex is still part of his life or is somehow a part of your life on a regular basis. I think that he could have kept it quiet because 1) he knew you'd ask him to move out, 2) it is nice to have a convenient screw at home in case things arent great with the gf..
Ask why he did it - the truth - and see if you still like his character enough to date using Match.com him. It sounds sneaky to me. I dont blame you for being cautious about him now - that's a big thing to keep quiet...
I would be honest with him and let him know how you feel. I would have a hard time trusting him with this woman if they are still under the same roof. Especially after what I have been put through.If he cares about you then he will do everything possible to rebuild your trust in him...