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Is there a reason why my husband should have a Match.com account?

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My first question is: Is there a reason why my husband should have a Match.com account?.

My next question is: We met in april 2007. we moved in together in september 2007. Fast! but it sounded good at the time. we were very much in love. we had a great time together, so why not? I bought the house, financed it in my name & he had a hard time paying the bills. anyhoo, one day in october 2007, he came home from work and told me he changed his mind, he didnt want to have kids, (which he told me he did), and that he hated living with my cat, which he knew I had.

So he did. he moved out the next day. I tried to stop him after I calmed down to talk, but he wouldnt listen, he just left. A week later, he came over asking if he could move back in. and I let him.

He made me happy & thats all that mattered. so we were good until february. until the night we had another blowout over his X wife & his son's birthday party, (yes he has a kid with her & didnt want them with me). they had planned a joint party for their son & left me out of all the plans. I didnt even know his bday was coming.

So we fought & it got out of control, etc etc...my feelings were very hurt & I felt very left out of that part of his life & then he moved out again. this time for a month. we talked on the phone, working things out, communicating, got together a few times & decided to give it one more try. so for the third time, he moved back in. for some reason, we communicate BETTER WHEN WE'RE APART.

Sometimes he was hard to talk to or he blew things off that should have been dealt with. sometimes he was mean & stubborn when I tried to communicate with him. I felt like I was the only one trying or compromising. WE DIDNT FIGHT A LOT, BUT THERE WERE THINGS THAT I realized I WASNT EXACTLY COMFORTABLE WITH. HEARING HIM TALK TO HIS X, HE SEEMED TO LIGHT UP WHEN HE TALKED TO HER (it wasnt just about their kid, and he got very defensive when it came to her.

I FELT LIKE SHE HAD A PART OF HIM I WOULD NEVER HAVE THAT WITH HIM. (oops caps lock was on) I started to wish that he didnt have a son with her or that we had one together. I just felt "WEIRD" and uncomfortable & insecure and I couldnt put my finger on it. I didnt wanna feel that way. I mean, we had a LOT of good things, but this was major.

Instead of talking & working thru it or at least trying to work it out. he just gave up saying he wanted to be alone & he didnt feel good being with me anymore. i'm trying to be ok with this. I'm trying to tell myself it wasnt meant to be. did I settle? did I screw up? did I ruin it with my insecurities? why couldnt I be ok with the way things were? I miss him so much.

Any outside input? I know it cant be saved, but I need some peace of mind. did I compromise too much?..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Is there a reason why my husband should have a Match.com account?.

There are so many red flags in your relationship (thru Match.com) that I lost count.  You have done the right thing by ending this so called relationship. .

 A word to the wise here,  when you date using Match.com someone with children, you will most likely take a back seat to the kiddo's all of the time, especially if they are very young.  If this makes you the least bit uncomfortable then dont enter into a relationship (thru Match.com) with him/her..

Take your time to grieve and get over the loss.  Next time you will be much wiser.  Spend this time getting to know yourself, and doing and going places for just you and what you enjoy and like..

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 .

My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #1

Thanks. it wasnt so much the kid, it was taking a back seat to his X that I hated. there were times he defended her OVER me... or brought her up in situations that had nothing to do with the kid. it hurt a LOT!..

Comment #2

You did the right thing, I know it is hard but it was the right decision. This relationship (thru Match.com) wasn't a good one, you both rushed into things after only knowing each other 5 months and moving in together, and that was way too fast. You don't even start getting to know someone until at least 8 months or more. Breaking up, getting back together, not wanting to communicate in a honest mature way with you, says this relationship (thru Match.com) wasn't what you thought it was. You didn't say how long he had been divorced/separated from the mother but in any case it doesn't sound like he was over his relationship (thru Match.com) with her. They will always have a bond because of the child, and if you are not comfortable with a situation like that, then don't get involved with someone that has children by someone else (the children always should come first).

Start NC, accept that it is over, start healing for yourself, get some self help books, write in a journal, reconnect with friends, family, concentrate on yourself, visit the breaking up is hard to do board here at ivillage (some good resources there). Learn from this and don't repeat the mistakes that were made. Sometimes we have to go through bad/hurtful things to come out on the other side, better and wiser...

Comment #3

Thanks for your response. theyve been divorced for about 8 years. he was single for like six years. I was the first 'real' relationship (thru Match.com) he had had since his divorce. and I agree, I dont think he is over her. he defended her & his relationship (thru Match.com) with her & made her more of a priority than me.

I saw this time & time again & was so afraid to admit it to myself because of how I felt about him. but deep inside I knew. he even did it the night he told me he was leaving 2 days ago. other than her, he was pretty good to me, and we had some good times, but that was always in the back of my mind & it wasnt going away....so now I am facing it. i  didnt have the courage to before exactly and when I did, I did it in the wrong ways cuz I didnt know how to deal with it & he finally sensed that & it started making him unhappy..

Comment #4

Yes I am sure that did hurt.  You did the right thing.  It will take a while but you will look back one day and say........whew Im glad I did not continue that relationship..

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Powered by CGISpy.com.

 .

My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #5

Ps...he didnt want the divorce. she did...and he tried to stay with her..and she didnt want him. she cheated on him ,slept with his best friend...and he still defended her over me..

Comment #6

How do I start to heal in a house filled with so many memories? anyone?..

Comment #7

What I did... pack up all his stuff and get it out of sight. A punching bag helped me alot Start a journal, write whatever comes to mind it doesn't have to make sense. Write him UNSENT letters then burn them, re-connect with friends, family, take up a hobby, do something you have always wanted to do but haven't had the chance. Make a list, everything you didn't like about the relationship (thru Match.com) or him...keep it with you look at it everytime you start to think about him or stop yourself mentally when you start thinking about him, tell yourself everyday 100 times a day if necessary that you deserve to be respected and loved and you deserve better. It is a grieving process and everyone has to go through it in their own way...

Visit the boards when needed and respond to the ones that you can help with. Time is your best friend right now but it will get better....

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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