Is there a for people under the age of 18?

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My first question is: Is there a for people under the age of 18?.

My next question is: Background: 2 months ago, a guy who I was acquainted with through mutual friends moved to my city. We had been in fairly regular e-mail contact for the previous 4 months before he came here. When he moved here, we started hanging out a lot immediately (~3x a week). After 3 weeks we both acknowledged we were into each other and started getting physical. There was/is a wrench in the sense that his ex-girlfriend followed him over here in hopes of getting back with him. For him it was totally over, and there is nothing going on with them, but they're still friends and he does see her.

However, I do think her presence, and a tendency of mine to jump in with guys too quickly, has accelerated our relationship (thru beyond what I would have envisioned or wanted at this point (2 months).Up til a week ago, we were seing each 3-4 times a week, in almost daily e-mail or text or phone contact. We had sex for the first time a couple weeks ago, and I think that's the point when things started getting dicey. I think maybe we rushed into it. He's barely had time to catch his breath since moving here, starting a new job, looking for a new place to live, and dealing with his ex trying to get back together with him. I feel like maybe I wasn't respecting his situation enough, and I pushed him to keep seeing me so much.

After that, even though he was still great and affectionate when we were together, he almost stopped contacting me altogether. He started cancelling/changing plans, and there was one night we were supposed to get together when he didn't answer his phone. All this indicated to me that he wanted space, so we talked about it and agreed to slow things down. I was completely okay with that, because I need my own space to breathe and do my own things too.We haven't seen each other for a week now, and I haven't heard a word from him for several days. I hope this means that he's taking a breather, and sorting out all his work/living place/etc situations, and that when we do see each other again we'll both feel refreshed and happy and we can start dating (online dating with at a more relaxed pace.But, a part of me can't help but worry that in fact this time apart has made him realise that he would rather not continue things at all.

I think part of my insecurity is coming from the last guy I dated (it was very brief, but similar-very intense in a short period of time), who said he wanted to see more of me, then after a few days apart ended it completely.I'm worried I'm becoming a person who goes so intensely into dating (online dating with a new person that I scare guys off. I guess all I can really do is keep on with my own life, but the uncertainty is unnerving...

Comments (9)

Your question was: Is there a for people under the age of 18?.

Space is so tricky, how do you give someone space, while not letting in room for them to think how it would be without you. there is not much you can do but to grant him this space... and then let him come to you. I can imagine he was on the high from moving and all the new surroundings and you, and now everything is sinking in... all at once...We may be grown up but just lke children we react to new situations, it always takes a while to sink in and sometimes we get scared.just take things slow now.. try to be light about things...

Let him worry about why you are acting different...i am not about playing games, but it is common knowledge that we all tend to want things we cant have just a little bit more than available things.................Good luck...!..

Comment #1

It's  either he's too busy getting himself situated or decided to be back with his ex. Only time will tell. I can't believe for a second a man who is interested is too busy to make a short phone call, atleast to let you know what he's been  up to. All we can do is speculate about it. I would give him a call or send a breezy text message asking how he is doing. The next move is his, ball is in his court.  After that leave him alone and let him contact you.

Good Luck!!!!!..

Comment #2

From what you posted I can see a few things that may have not caught your attention:.

1)when a guy tells you his ex is on a campaign to win him back, it is time to take a step back, stay alert and and assess his intentions - with an outsider's perspective - not with the emotions of a scared person.  I know he told you that he was over her, but maybe he wasnt.  It is not a good idea to be so easy going about a guy you are dating (online dating with hanging out with an ex who is trying to reconcile - that's asking for trouble..

If he had behaved differently, like telling her to stop calling him and not seeing her...then you could feel more confident that he wasnt being pulled in two directions. His behavior didnt warrant your blind trust. is not about trust per se, it is more about understanding human behavior and emotions and seeing the setup in front of you before it hits you in a$$..

2) you had sex with him during this time...mistake.  This was the *wrong* time to sleep with him.  In the future, try to resist the urge to sleep with a guy who may be faced with the same situation until you see he has made a decision one way or the other.  I know you didnt see it that way (just because he said he was over her) ...but that was your scenario..

3)you said you pushed him to see you.  That is also an indicator that your feelings may not be reciprocated..

Being intense and passionate is great...just pay attention to your surroundings (like him, his actions, his words, his life) so that all that love and excitement isnt being wasted on someone who is not in sync with you.  The way this guy handled the situation was rude and inconsiderate so you did find out he lacks maturity and class...

Comment #3

Thanks for all the replies.Snafu-While most of what you said is probably bang on (I do still stand by my trust of him, which probably makes me sound daft but I have my reasons), I disagree that he is rude and inconsiderate. But I do see how you came to that conclusion based on my description of events.As for lacking maturity, well, yes, he does lack maturity, as do I, he is 23 and I'm 22, I have little experience in this department (which I'm sure is obvious). We both handled the situation wrong and now we're dealing with the consequences, we moved too fast for what we could handle emotionally. So maybe this is just a painful learning experience, and it's really too bad because had things been different, timing mostly, I think we really could have had something.Maybe it's not too late...but I guess things need a breather for quite a while before I'm even sure I know what I want...

Comment #4

"He started cancelling/changing plans, and there was one night we were supposed to get together when he didn't answer his phone.".

The above is an example of rude and inconsiderate behavior.  I know that you still care about him so you may be defensive of him, but you also need to care about yourself too.  His behavior indicates that he is avoiding you...for whatever reason.  Deep trust is something that you earn.  Of course there has to be a certain level of trust to be able to date using someone and let them in your home and have sex with them.  But dont let your feelings for him blind you to behavior that seems (based on your post) to contradict any expressed emotions by him to you. ..

Comment #5

Yees, that incident...I was very annoyed by that when it happened, but I decided to let it slide after talking over it with my friend, because if indeed he was pulling away from me, freaking out about that would just make things worse. I figured that his behaviour after that incident would help explain whether that was just a blip or whether it was indicative of things going downhill, and I do clearly see that it's the latter now.Anyways, I guess all I can do now is move on and try and forget about it. I'm not going to try and contact him...I guess if he does want to see me he'll call, and then if that comes I can decide if it's worth getting back into. Thanks for the outside perspective, even though it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear.....

Comment #6

Awww...I can tell you are hurt.  I dont mean to rub salt in your wound.  It sounds like even if he screwed up royally you would forgive him and start over.  That is a very nice quality - I dont possess this quality.  Nice people do get taken advantage of though, and it helps to see things with eyes wide open so that you make your decisions from a point of strength (knowing all the facts)...not from a point of weakness. This way you'll be better able to navigate your life and if you choose to dive back in...then you do so knowing all the risks.  .

Every guy (no matter how nice)  has a majorly selfish side to him and they do try to push the envelope if they can.  Sometimes dating (online dating with feels more domesticating our pets, hehe..

"Anyways, I guess all I can do now is move on and try and forget about it. I'm not going to try and contact him..."> sounds good, although painful. I'm sure it will take time to forget about him so dont push yourself..

"I guess if he does want to see me he'll call, and then if that comes I can decide if it's worth getting back into."> sounds good too.   If he had told you that he felt confused about dating (online dating with and he needed to rethink his breakup..I'd feel differently about him...because he would have treated you with respect and told you what he was feeling..even though it would have hurt you.  By avoiding you, he portrays cowardice.  I'm not saying he is a coward (please dont get offended). He is only 23, I understand, but at 43 he'll still handle it the same way. .

"Thanks for the outside perspective, even though it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear... "> I know and I can see you are idealistic when it comes to love and you believed in him...I can feel that.  If you do decide to rekindle the romance hopefully he will understand that open communication will be necessary for you to regain your trust in him..


Comment #7

Samething happened to me,the guy I was dating (online dating with started to distance hisself from me.  I moved way to fast with him and got close to him way to soon.  I never moved this fast with anyone in the past and this even freaked me out.  But with him I just felt at ease,and now he wants to be just friends.  And I'm not sure if I can be his friend.  I want to in a way but then I think can I deal with him dating (online dating with another girl and wonder why doesn't he want me.   I've always remaind friends with my ex's til this day but with him,I'm not sure if I can.  I would ask him all the time what was wrong and he would say nothing.  I knew something was up,and he told me he didn't want to hurt me,thats why he would deny something didn't feel right to him.  Why can't they just be honest.  This went on for 3 months,I know now not to rush things to keep on taking things slow like I did in the past.  I know what you're going through and it does hurt.  Best of luck,.




Comment #8

Yes, just live your life as if he weren't in it, not as if your life and well being are wrapped up in how he feels about you.  Make plans with friends, don't put things on hold.  Don't make it so easy for him.


Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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