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My 2nd question is: Over the years, I have a developed a great reputation of being a "great date". But women tend to just date using me rather than taking it to the next level and becoming my girlfriend. The ones that have become girlfriends stay for a while and then move on. I seem to keep finding these women who are coming off tumultuous relationships or breakups and they seem to be drawn to me because of the way that I treat them. What happens is that I end up nursing them back to emotional health and then they "check out" out of the clinic, so to speak. I don't do anything over the top in my opinion.

Usually the physical part doesn't get past kissing or heavy petting. Also, another problem I have encountered is that some women in my past have used me to "get back" former boyfriends or lovers. I am perfect for that and no matter how many times it happens you never see it coming. They are frustrated with the fact they these men who they are attached to are not stepping up and fully committing to them. So, the girl meets me and makes it known to the other guy of how I am taking them out and having a good time with me. So the old boyfriend gets jealous and comes back with his tail between his legs and the girl goes back to him rather than standing by me. Also, in the past I have been "half" of the perfect guy for some women.

How can I break away from this frustrating cycle?..

Comments (4)

If this keeps happening to you over and over, the common denominator in this is you.  Look at yourself and find out why you are attracted to women in these conditions.   It is usually not wise to get involved with someone that is just out of a relationship.. It takes  time to heal from a breakup, and most are not ready for a relationship (thru right off the bat (they might think they are but they aren't).

 Like attracts like, maybe you see yourself as a fixer and you are attracting women that need fixing.  Love and respect yourself first and foremost and you will attract people who are the same.  Make yourself healthy, happy emotionally and you will find people the same.  If you are looking in the same places to meet women, change the places you look....find other places to hang out, join a club or organization for something you enjoy doing, if you only go for a certain "type" be open to different "types"..


Comment #1

<< How can I break away from this frustrating cycle?  >>.

Easy.  Stop dating (online dating with women who are just getting out of troubled relationships.   Break it off at first sign of being used to << "get back" former boyfriends or lovers. >>   No one can USE YOU without your permission.   If you feel you are being used in this regard, then ... it is because you are allowing it..

In all situations in life, you are the common denominator.  So, if this keeps happening, it's more because of what YOU are allowing into your life. ..

Comment #2

I'd like to make a suggestion to you.  Do not befriend women.  It sounds like you'd make the perfect opposite sex friend - someone a woman goes to for the ego boost and someone to go out with if not dating (online dating with anyone..

If you hold back on the emotional support and position yourself as a "date" - someone who a woman would have to give some of herself in order to get to know, then maybe you wouldnt fall into the position of someone a woman uses to get back at boyfriends.  I think that it is wrong that you have been used this way..

I know it is easy and nice for men to position themselves as the friend who is there with the shoulder ready for the tears, but sometimes that is where they stay..

I'm not sure if this is contributes to your situation, but I thought it might be something to think about.  Also try not to date using women who have just broken up with a guy - then hopefully you'd date using someone who has worked through all of the garbage of a breakup...

Comment #3

Hi cmaimone,.

Welcome to the board!!!.

Snafu makes a good point that you need to hold yourself as a "date" upfront.  I don't think emotional support should come in the beginning of a relationship.  For two people to develope a healthy relationship, each needs to be able to stand on their own..

When you first meet someone, find out when their last relationship (thru was and how it ended.  Don't talk about ex's on the first couple of dates, but find out.  If they seem needed, this should make you think - do I want to deal with this?  Maybe date using more than one person at a time?  I think a lot of us forget that it is okay to play the field as long as we are not playing the people we are dating.  This will keep you from getting too attached too soon.  I think this is easy to do!!!.

Good Luck,.



Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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