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Is there a better dating site other than Match.com?

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My first question is: Is there a better dating site other than Match.com?.

My next question is: Okay, so I started seeing this awesome guy for a few weeks now, and he's been nothing but honest and great to me. We go out on formal dates, go watch football, and has even cooked for me one morning. We engage ourselves in thought provoking conversations; he's honest and sincere. All in all, a guy that I would one day want to establish a relationship (thru Match.com) with..

The biggest obstacle I have with myself when it comes to dating (online dating with Match.com) guys, is whenever things are going great with someone, I have a nagging tendance to second question his feelings for me, and it just goes down hill from there. Unless he's calling me, or with me, or texting me all the time, I feel like he's not interested when I know he clearly is. Heck, he's told me that he's had a thing for me since we introduced ourselves at a Halloween party a few months back. I'm very optimistic that things will grow in time, but I want to conquer my negative thoughts so that I can be able to establish a healthy relationship..

Any thoughts, suggestions?..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Is there a better dating site other than Match.com?.

One way you can squelch those negative thoughts is by reminding yourself of the positive things you have experienced with him thus far.  If you get a bad feeling due to psyching yourself out then remind yourself that he just called you this morning and you had a wonderful conversation with him or remind yourself that you'll see him later and you'll have a great time together.  If he has ever given you a card then keep the card and take it out when you feel anxious or insecure so you can reread his feelings for you..

You could also make sure you are living a full life away from him and that means going out with friends, or maintaining a hobby you enjoy.  Maintaining your identity and existence aside from your relationship (thru Match.com) will keep you grounded and will also make you interesting to him too..

Besides death and taxes the other thing that is a guarantee is that all relationships do end one day.  It could be due to death, illness, moving or divorce..

So one way to look at things is to get worried about losing something that will leave one day (and not have as much fun) or you can make the most of it now while you still have it.  Everyone gets the same feeling you get inside at one time or another.  That usually happens when a person's behavior changes like if he used to call everyday and now he calls once a week.  That would be a cause for concern.  It seems like you feel this before something happens, and you need lots of reassurance from him.  Hopefully he is the type of guy who is expressive and will be demonstrative about his feelings for you and want to talk to you on a frequent basis.  If he is not, then it would be smart to get to the root cause as to your worries and learn how to calm your anxiety without his reassurance...

Comment #1

Your need for reassurance is your insecurity talking. And the reason many women get insecure is because they are focused on 'does he like me' rather than "is he someone that I like and has the qualities I want in a partner?".

One puts you at the mercy of others tastes and that you are trying to be what someone likes -  which is completely subjective and can change with age and circumstance..

The second means you are choosing whats best for you, that you are being who you are and choosing someone because they fit the real you..

Do you see the difference? Be who you are and ask for what matters to you. This is like buying a car - YOU decide what you want and like and need and find what fits. the way you approach it now is more like you buying a car that someone else tells you to like and you trying your best to do so.

Keep your life full - you had one before you started dating. Constant calling doesn't = love or affection and the short term anxiety it releaves in you will only resurface again. Make the decision that this is part of the process - you can't control what he thinks or feels or wants - all you can do is be you. If he is right for you, then you will progress in the right way. If he isn't, then nothing you say or do will change that fact.

Lighten up and let whatever happens happen. You will be far more secure if you stop trying to control this relationship (thru Match.com) and his feelings. Let go of the need for constant contact - that is just plain unhealthy - no good guy will tolerate that kind of neediness.  Trust that what is best for you is what will happen - and be ok with it.

Accept that you really can only control your actions and feelings - keep your life full so you don't focus on him - he isn't your reason for breathing and never will be. Everyone leaves at some point in life. Don't get so attched to an outcome that it not occuring devastates you. Remain opn to ALL possibilities - including the ones you like the least..

Toni..

Comment #2

I sincerely appreciate both of your honesty and advise.

The reasons behind my insecurities is the bad relationships I've had in the past. I can go on and on about everything that's happened to me, but I feel that when it comes to being with someone new, then that should be irrelevant.

I haven't gone to the depths of calling in on a continuous basis, but we do hang out and see how sweet he is to me, I should be ecstatic that someone is this crazy about me. I just wished that I didn't feel this bummed out about the continued reassurance.

Time for me to keep myself busy; once again, thank you all so much..

Comment #3

Obviously this is about your insecurities and self esteem issues, it's not about him.  Did someone early on treat you badly and you "blame" all men for the sins of this one. Why are you a bottomless fount of need - as in no amt of attention can satisfy you or truly convince you..

It might not be a bad idea to speak to a therapist and address why you need to torpedo promising relationships.  Best of luck!!.

,..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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