Is that Hilary Swank on the commercial?

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My first question is: Is that Hilary Swank on the commercial?.

My next question is: Okay, so I have been legally separated from my husband (currently going through divorce) and have rejoined the dating (online dating with circuit....

Well I have been seeing a guy for the last 6 months, we have never said we were exclusive, though we both have been honest and said there hasn't been anyone else either (we are spending all our free time together!).

I have found it very refreshing that we both give eachother our own independence and don't keep tabs on one another (which is something my ex-husband enforced enormously on me to almost 'stalker-like' extents) though I have also found it (naturally) taking time getting used to not getting asked the questions and checked up on by him....

So my issue comes now at Christmas time, we did not get to spend Christmas together as I had taken my children away for Christmas, and we didnt even get to see eachother until after new years.  I got him a Christmas present (as he had gotten me something for my bday the previous month so thought we would be doing xmas presents too) which though simple was very thoughtful (I flask, which he mentioned that he used one when skiing/golfing etc) and got it engraved with his monogram and a quote on the back (which was about chemistry and relating it to people- and him being a chemist himself it was very suitable) well when I gave it to him he didnt open it until when I wasnt around... well then called me to express his thanks and how much he adored it, and how thoughtful etc etc it was... well then when I saw him the following day (we went for a night out of town) and after a few drinks he expressed how he felt so bad for not getting me a present for christmas, or even just getting me something simple like flowers, and he 'just didnt get it and didnt understand, but felt bad'  And until he kept bringing it up about how bad he felt for not getting me anything when I got him something so thoughtful, I didnt even feel sad or upset, I was more happy that he loved the gift and saw the thought I had put into it..

So to cut to the chase, I do really like him, and still we are taking it slowly (not meeting eachother's kids, families, etc) however I dont know if I am wasting my time (as I am getting stronger feelings for him, naturally, as we continue to see eachother) though I am not looking for any strong commitments, I also don't want to waste my time.  Am I just worrying about it too much, or should I see his lack of christmas gift/card/whatever (I am not material and a simple card with nice word would have made me so happy too) as his actions speaking louder than words, and that he doesn't want to put forth any though or effort to me?.

Please help me, as I am so new to this dating (online dating with thing again (it has been over 10 yrs!) I could do with some advice!  Am I just over analysing it??  What should I do?..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Is that Hilary Swank on the commercial?.

I don't really think you're over-analyzing this. He got you a present for your birthday a month before so naturally you think he's going to get you something for Christmas. I think it's logical to think that he'd get you something for Christmas. The thing I'm thinking of is... you gave him a present which he didn't open until later when you weren't around, I wonder why he didn't open it in front of you? Then you seen him the next day when he could have raced out and got you something..... anything....

Yet, instead, you got a bunch of apologies.

I think you're just confused because of the birthday present thing then no Christmas present. Now, what if you didn't get him anything and he got you something for Christmas, what would you have done? Valentines day is coming up. I don't think I'd get him anything except maybe a funny card, IF you want to. If he gets you flowers, cool, but I wouldn't get him anything. It's so hard to buy for a guy anyway..

I have been divorce for 7 years now and I remember how confusing that time was while I was going through it. I think I'd just let this go for now but I can understand your confusion. I'd  let it go because when you or anyone is in the middle of a divorce, whether you're dating (online dating with someone or not, you're on a roller coaster ride of your very own. Be kind to yourself and I'd just keep calm about dating (online dating with that guy, keep things cool and you'll be able to see what's right in front of you when the time comes and you're ready...

Comment #1

I dont understand why he wouldnt buy you a Christmas present.  That seems odd to me..

It also seems odd that he saw you the  next day and didnt bring anything but some lame excuse about "not getting it".  My thoughts would have been, "save it for your mommy"..

The way a guy handles things is either a huge turn on or a huge turn off for me.  Who wants a guy you'll have to always mop up after for the rest of your life?..

Comment #2

That strikes me as so weird that he went on and on about how bad he felt when he could have just gotten you a gift and given it to you that night.  It doesn't really make sense to me..

If he's otherwise considerate and thoughtful, however, I'd probably give him a pass on this one thing but keep it in the back of your mind as you're evaluating him going forward as a possible relationship (thru partner..

And as for whether you're "wasting your time" or notI would have had a conversation about what each of you is looking for in a relationship (thru (in a general sense, not specifically with each other) much sooner than 6 months into it so I would have an idea of whether we were on the same page.  In other words, if I'm looking for a serious LTR, is the other person open to that, or not?  If you haven't had such a conversation, better late than never..


Comment #3

Well six months isn't terrible long for some people, so he might not have thought it okay to buy a gift for the big holiday.  You said yourself that you are taking things slow and the birthday gift was a small gift.  Try not to over analyse this one.  Watch to see if he respond well for the next little while and then make your decision to continue the relationship (thru or not. .

Sounds like the wine was talking a little for him.  I'd chalk up the continuing to go on about not getting a gift on the wine.  He obviously feels bad.  I bet he won't make the same mistake again..

I had a hard time with if I should get my boyfriend and his family (he's a single Dad) gifts.  We had only been seeing each other for a short time. .



Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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