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Is she interested or not?

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O.K. This is my first post ever. Sorry it's long.A co-worker of mine told her single cousin about me and that I had just gotten out of a relationship. She told her cousin that I was a great guy and her cousin told her to tell me to request her on myspace. I do and we exchange messages and I eventually get her number.She says to call her anytime I'm not busy so I wait a day and a half and I call at around 10. She doesn't answer.

I call again the next night and no answer. I tell my co-worker about this and she says she's very busy and it's even hard for her to get a hold of her and she says to try it again. My co-worker also tells me she is shy and that the women in her family play hard to get.On Friday I call again and get her on the phone and we talk for a few minutes and I ask her out on a date. She says yes and I tell her we can go out next Saturday cuz I'm busy this weekend and she agrees. Anyways the date using Match.com day comes along and my co-worker tells me her cousin is nervous cuz she's never met me and people don't look the same as they do in pictures.

We went to go get a bite at a cafe and we stayed for around 2 and a half hours talking. She even tells me I look better in person than in pictures. When I get back to work on Monday my co-worker tells me that her cousin told her she had a good time on the date. On Tuesday, I call her and ask for a second date using Match.com and she says maybe??? I tell her that means a no and before I hang up she says "maybe" does not mean no and she just has to think about it a little. She says good things take time and to be patient.

Be it phone or text message. I know this is a killer but her cousin did say she was shy and when we do talk or message each other we have great conversation and she doesn't ignore my texts. She always answers back.Oh and I forgot to mention that when we were on our date, she asked me when my last relationship (thru Match.com) was to which I answered a little over a month and a half. When I asked her, she said 3 years!!! It's weird because she is ultra beautiful but my thinking is she hasn't been in a relationship (thru Match.com) because of her baby. My co-worker also told me she's had bad luck with guys in the past which is why she introduced my to her.Is there any hope????????..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Is she interested or not?.

Well I'm not sure there's hope. She is already throwing yellow flags on the play that you are not even involved in yet. Hence your confusion.

First, STOP TALKING TO THE CO-WORKER. That is so high schoolish and your a man.

Second, Do you want a woman you is so difficult? I mean she may be beautiful but she is definitely making dating (online dating with Match.com) her hard. dating (online dating with Match.com) is hard enough without all the confusing signals she is giving.

I was once a single mother and very young and maybe a little gun shy of guys b/c of my dating (online dating with Match.com) history but that NEVER prevented me from going out on a second date using Match.com for crips sake. It wasn't until I would start liking the guy that I would start to panic. She is panicking way before she needs to. This might be a sign for you to dump and run.

So, you sound intrigued by her confusing signals. If you just have to know then hang in there and you will find out. If you don't want to play the game the call the game due to lightning. LOL.

Maybe you should try not talking about her to your co-worker and stop calling and going to her myspace. It drives me crazy when a guy disappears for a few days. I think Why haven't I heard from him? Is he done with me? It usually will go one of two ways. I will decide I like him and try to get in touch or I will realize I didn't like him enough and it doesn't bother me not to hear from him. Either way you will know in a few days. If co-worker cousin asks you "What's up my cousin hasn't heard from you" just say "Oh man I'm just really busy" Kinda a taste of her own medicine. I HATE playing games but if you like them then Good Luck..................

Comment #1

Personally, it sounds like she's got a lot of drama, game playing and just regular life stuff going on in with her.  She might be interested, but if I were a guy (or even as a woman) the "Maybe" and "Good things take time" would be it for me - just like your first instinct.  If you're interested in someone and want to go out with them, you say "yes" if you are available - you don't pull silly, immature BS like saying "maybe, let me think about it"..

I think you should decide if the drama and game playing are worth it to try to work something out with her and see where it goes.  It's a personal preference really - I don't deal well with game players so I'd say NEXT!  But if you have a good time and you find her attractive and are willing to put up with the BS a little longer to see what happens, go for it.  But know what your limit is and if she keeps up with this stuff, know when you are ready to call it done.  Oh, and just because someone is attractive doesn't mean anything about relationships - yes, her kid could be an issue, but maybe she hasn't had a relationship (thru Match.com) recently because of the drama and game playing - many guys are not willing to put up with that so maybe she doesn't get asked out on many third dates because on the second one she pulls out the "maybe" card and guys drop it..

Edited to add:  I completely agree with the other poster about not involving your co-worker in this.  Once the set up (so to speak) occured, the co-worker should be out of it and definitely not dragged into the middle.  If she asks, then tell her the bare minimum or just say that you'd prefer to keep it your own business.  She can get the info from her cousin if she wants it that badly..

Edited 10/18/2007 3:59 pm ET by vexer_hw.

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Comment #2

Women who play hard to get are doing just that - playing. If you wish to constantly 'prove' your interest, love and devotion to someone, then she's a good candidate. Adults do not play games in relationships - they do not test and require 'proof' of someone's interest..

If you enjoy this kind of constant pulling and frustration - keep seeing her. If you like to spend your time with women who are more mature emotionally, you will not find this kind of game playing. Games are for children. Relationships are for adults. she sounds like she's more trouble than she's worth right now.

FWIW, I tend to think her problems with men are due to her game playing and immaturity - not her kid..

Edited 10/18/2007 4:08 pm ET by tonitoons.

Toni..

Comment #3

I would be really turned off if I asked someone out and they said "maybe."  I wouldn't do any work and would put the ball in her court.  (I'd maybe make one more call/email just to say, I'd like to go out again. If you decide you want that too, contact me and let me know.) Then I'd try to forget about her and move on.  You should be with someone that says, YES!..

Comment #4

I agree - your comment reminds me of motivational speaker who was told by the man she really loved and now husband (but her emotional state was such that she kept pushing him away because she didn't feel she deserved him) "Call me when you are ready to talk to me like an adult and have an adult relationship"  OUCH!.

She did her usual tantrums and panic fits, calle him all sorts of names, etc - she'd call and pitch a fit, he wouldn't engage her. and after about a week, she finally realized that SHE was the one with the issues and to have what she wanted - she needed to do things differently - he set the standard and she had to meet it if she wanted a relationship (thru Match.com) with him.  And when she finally called him and spoke calmly and rationally - and he talked to her like an adult and kept requiring her to interact with him in an adult manner. He would have no part of her childishness.  Strong man and a courageous woman to get out of her comfort zone.....

This girl needs to mature some more before she'll be good partner material..

Toni..

Comment #5

Honey, having a child is a full time job and once a woman has a child and she's a responsible mother the child will take all her time and her spare time. If she dated a guy three years ago and hasn't gone out again believe her. .

Now, by your post the facts say that she's not mature enough to date using Match.com and rather "plays mind games" hoping for a positive payoff.  Your coworker says that "the women in her family play hard to get", hmmmm, a bad sign. dating (online dating with Match.com) is not a game. The "maybe" reply to you for a second date using Match.com is a "game" to keep you interested and calling.

In my opinion, there is hope IF you're willing to play the game. However, games can get boring and it seems that it's going down that road. A second date using Match.com is just a second date. If she liked you she'd have said yes and not "maybe", which I find very stupid. Just my 2 cents...

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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