Is safe?

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My question is: Is safe?.

I went on a first date using with someone last night.  I am just getting back into dating (online dating with after a 6 year relationship (thru that ended very badly.  It has been 2 months since I was last with my ex and decided to dip my feet into the pool with a free weekend.  I had a really good emails and conversations with a guy and he asked me to dinner last night.  I said, why not, it is dinner just give it a try..

Well it was nice.  We talked for hours, like you do on first dates.  I sent him an email last night after date, saying I had a good time and would consider going out again.  This what I got back:.

Good morning!! I really had a good time last night as well. What would have been better was waking up with you by my side.I would really love to see a movie with you. If you want to do tonight let me know. I will take some extra clothes with me in case you want to meet tonight. I will be playing golf @ noon today in Charles Town. I hope to be done @ around 4 or 5 so I will call you after I'm done and we will go from there..

I was put off with the waking up thing.  It was one date, and I have known him two days.  I am not a fast mover and said I wanted to develop friendship and go from there.  I decided not to go out again tonight for a couple of reasons.  I don't feel good and I am tired.  I need some rest and time to consider this.  I feel smothered easily.  And I have a big day tomorrow.  I left a message saying I didn't feel and an email.  Not sure what he will get first.  I just want to be friends.  No pressures for kissing, sex, etc.  He asked for a kiss last night and said maybe the next date.  He went for the kiss before that, but I turned my head down and hugged him instead.  I don't know maybe I am overreacting, hence asking for advice, feedback..


Comments (7)

I was uncomfortable.  I wrote him back this..

Hey C,.

I am feeling a little bit better.  Claratin D, yeah.  I still am going stay home tonight.  I feel tired.  I will admit I don't usually like to keep on the go.  I like being home and when I get overscheduled I feel a sense of stress overcome me. .

We can still look at this week sometime or this weekend.

I do want to be upfront about something though.  I know your comment about waking up together was to be a compliment.  And it is nice to know someone finds attractive.  However, I will be upfront, sex is way down on the bottom of list right now.  I just want to be friends with someone.  I am not even in a rush for kissing.  I want to take things slow.  I have always been a bit on the conservative side in that department.  I like to develop a friendship first then go from there.  If that is good with you, great, if not, that is fine too.  You were up front with me, so I want to be up front with you too..


Comment #1

I think you did a great job with that email!  Very clear and direct!  I assume since you brought up hanging out next week that you do indeed still want to hang out with him and get to know him, right?.

This next part is just my personal preference - I think you did great.  But personally, I would have done this over the phone.  I really avoid personal communications by email if I can help it.  On the phone, the other person can hear sarcasm, humor, sincerity, annoyance, etc  This is very hard by email to know true sentiment and intensions.  Also by phone, you get an immediate reaction.  I like that better because I hate waiting for responses and people taking their lovely time.  Usually if a guy doesn;t respond to me right away, I write them off quickly. .

Anyway, good job!   .

Edited 4/26/2008 6:27 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #2

I know, I normally agree.  I guess I just wanted to get out what I wanted to say.  I am okay with waiting.  He dropped the bomb about him living with his parents and being in bankruptcy through email.  So I decided maybe this would be easier.  Sometimes when I am on the phone I lose my nerve or go with whatever the person says.  I had to get out while I was feeling brave.  Maybe I am still not ready to date.  I have a lot going on.  ..

Comment #3

I dont think he meant anything bad, but I can see how you could see it differently.  He was just trying to be romantic.  Everyone has their own pace.  Yours is slower than his. Dont blow the guy off - just make sure that you appropriately assert yourself regarding physical intimacy. ..

Comment #4

I think you are right.  He wrote me this:.

Hey baby. How are you doing? I'm fried!!! My skin is on FIRE. Stupid me forgot to put on sunscreen. I came home and got the aloh vera on and that has helped.Ok, let me tell you something. Yes, that was supposed to be a compliment. In know way am I rushing to have sex with you.

If we don't kiss then that is fine with me. Just promise me not to do the pouty lip thing again. ;-).

Then we talked after.  We are going to movies on Tuesday.  He is being very respectful.  I guess some of the burn from the last relationship (thru still has me a little oversensitive..


Comment #5

Hi me again,.

Sorry for jumping in late, but I wanted to welcome you to the board..

Sounds like you handled this one really well!!!  Take things at your speed.  In the beginning no one really knows exactly what to say, so I don't think he ment anything bad. .

Good Luck getting back into dating!!.




Comment #6

I agree.  You have a perfect right to feel uncomfortable over what he said. No excuses necessary.


Comment #7

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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