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Is Match.com good to meet Jewish people?

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My question is: Is Match.com good to meet Jewish people?.

My 2nd question is: I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy for four months.  Basically, we are both commitment phobic and have found ourselves in what seems to be a relationship.  We have definitely had our share of ups and downs due to our mutal fear of commitment but we also can't deny that we really like and understand eachother.  Since the beginning, neither of us has been with anyone else.  He is the first guy in a very long time that I have really allowed myself to be vulnerable with.  We have been completely monogamous and loyal to eachother since we first started dating, but we have refrained from taking on the "boyfriend/girlfriend" label even though our seperate groups of friends have labeled us anyways.

I am 26 and he is 28 and neither of us has been in a serious relationship (thru Match.com) since high school, although we have both dated plenty of people.  I feel that I am finally ready to commit to him and I know that he wants to commit to me (even though we have essentially already committed to eachother), he just keeps saying that he's afraid he will make a bad boyfriend and he doesn't really know what he's doing anymore and he doesn't want to disappoint me.  He has told me he loves me and he wants me to meet his family and he knows that I am the one he wants to marry.  He even says things like "our relationship" and "we're together" and when we are alone together, things are great.  But he is also stubborn and when anything comes up that screams "BOYFRIEND" he freaks out.  When we hang out we don't go out to dinners, he never wants to do traditional "couple things" and always seems to be afraid to ditch his friends for me, all of which I am extremely patient with.  Everytime I have attempted to end the situation or have suggested that we just be friends out of frustration, he freaks out and refuses to let me go insisiting that he's scared and needs to be told when he's doing things wrong..

I guess my question is, do I wait for him to warm up to the idea of acting like a good boyfriend, do I need to push him into it, or should I just resign to the fact that he may never be ready for that and move on?  I understand his phobia because I've been living with the same issue and I think that's why we have even gotten as far as we have but I fear that our gray relationship (thru Match.com) is starting to cause more problems than a labeled relationship...

Comments (7)

IMHO and experience, committment fobia is as much of a myth as a man being 'scared' in a new r-ship. It really is very simple - and it took me a long time to figure it out: if a man really is into a woman, feels a strong enough sexual and personal connection, likes her, digs her, lusts after her and wants her for a long-term partner, he will make it very clear to her and he will not talk about fear of committment or, for that matter, any other fears. He'll pursue her, ask her to be his girlfriend, introduce her to his friends and family as his girlfriend and do his best to keep her by his side - and make her happy. If you are right for him, he will happily and willingly commit to you. There'll be no freaking out or choosing to spend time with friends or refusing to do couple things. It all happens natually and easily..

You are very young and you're only known him for 4 months. I'd say don't wait around for him to see sense and proclaim his undying love and devotion. I'd just say to him: 'ok mate, you go on about your life, and I'll go on about mine; we won't be having casual sex in the meantime because it's not what I'm after; if when you've decided I'm the  one for you after all I'm still free and available, we'll take it from there'..

As to your 'committment phobia' - I bet you just haven't met the right man for you yet. Or not until now. Ideally though.. both should feel that they found the right person in the other. I do wish you all the best...

Comment #1

I totally agree with you.  This is very good advice...

Comment #2

I also agree with newlyfoundsunshine. Believe a man who has reasons for not being with you, he's giving you a way out. At 4 months you're starting to see that you really like him but you're also very very early into any kind of "relationship" prospect and honestly it is not worth pursuing with someone who doesn't really want to be your boyfriend (whatever title you give it) or do boyfriend things with you. A man who is afraid will make your life miserable. Yeah it's easy for him to talk about marrying you when that's so far off in the distance it's not even real. If it were me I'd say "thanks for letting me know you're afraid of being in a relationship, excuse me while I find someone who doesn't live in fear. You have my number right? Please throw it away."..

Comment #3

 I guess my question is, do I wait for him to warm up to the idea of acting like a good boyfriend, do I need to push him into it, or should I just resign to the fact that he may never be ready for that and move on? .

You crack me up!!!! You already are acting like BF and GF ...dont push. Sit back and let actions speak louder than words. Go with it.... The guy I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) for about 3 months called me his GF and I freaked inside. I like we are exclusive I just dont wanna hear comitment, boyfriend or girlfriend...

Comment #4

No one who truly wants You will be afraid to be exclusive with You.  He seems to like His cake and eat it to.  He treats You like this because He knows He can.  What are You getting out of this?? Do You really want to invest Your time with Someone who does not put You first???.

He doesn't take You out which He should So I am assuming this is just a sexual thing for Him let Him have His Friends and go and find Yourself a real Man who truly wants to be with You..

If He doesnt step up to the plate than You know what You have to do..

Good luck....

Comment #5

So true.I went out on a date using Match.com yesterday with a guy who sat down across the table at the end of the date, looked me in the eye and said, "I really like you. I want to see you again. I want you to call me any time you want to talk to me. I want to do the same thing. If you don't hear from me in your comfortable amount of time, call me. This shouldn't be work."I have NEVER had anyone do that before.

And while I do think that label is overused, I honestly think some guys do have it (and some women), which is just your cue to move on. Learn from those of us who have been there...

Comment #6

'..."I really like you. I want to see you again. I want you to call me any time you want to talk to me. I want to do the same thing. If you don't hear from me in your comfortable amount of time, call me. This shouldn't be work.".

WOW, how beautiful. This is just it. When it's right, it's not work. There are no game playing,  no fears or comittment issues..

What's happened with him since?..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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