Welcome to the board!!!.
This is a tough situation to be in. And I think you've answered your own question. If you are doubting weather it is okay for you to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) with a separated man, than it probably isn't. I know I wouldn't make it through all of the junk that he is going through. .
When it comes to divorce, timing is something to consider. Not everyone has the luxury of getting it over with as fast as possible. The children are a HUGE consideration. Then there is his emotional state, and weather or not they are cooperating. If he's dragging out the divorce and can't give the specifics as to why, I'd caution you to keep some level of distance from him. He's most likely not over the whole mess..
You don't want someone that is emotionally unavailable. He is simply unavailable. I met someone while they were separated and then the divorce started. We didn't "date" until after it was final, but he still wasn't ready for it. And the only thing that happened was that I got hurt. It was a really good lesson for me to learn, but save yourself some of the pain and get all of your feelings out in the open with him. Be kind and don't put it all on him. eg - I feel frustrated when you forget to take out the trash vs. you never take out the trash. The first addresses the issue and the second accusses him of being irresponsible..
I hope this helps. Come back and talk with us often!!.
If he and his wife agreed that they can date using Match.com others while waiting for the divorce to be final, then you are not the other woman. However, he is in transition so as his mind settles and clears he may decide he wants a different life or a different kind of woman - so be careful...
If he is separated, then you aren't 'TOW' but he is still married. Having gone through this scenario myself, choosign to get involved with a man with so much junk to sort through is choosing to walk through fire unnecessarily. Whether he wants the divorce or what, he still has emotional junk, financial junk and physical junk that he has to deal with. This is no place for you to be in - it's his junk. You can't help him wiht it. You can't change it.
That said, you want to be with him - wouldn't you prefer to be with him the right way? As hard as it is to physically not be with him now, I can guarantee that him being with him in person yet not being with him emotionally is worse. He can't give you what you want and need. He knows it. So do you.
If you trust that what is best for you and who is meant for you will be available at the right time for everyone, you will do what is hard. Doing the right thing is rarely 'easy' but it is right.
Protect your heart and continue on with you rlife. You won't die from not seeing him - but you will be saving both of you unnecessary heartach..
IMO, this isn't a tough situation ... this is a super EASY decision if you care about what is best for you. If you care about yourself and your well-being more than this guy's (which isn't selfish, it's self-CARE) ... then, you break it off ... and go find a single and available guy. There are plenty of men out there who aren't going thru all this. .
I agree with Toni ... if you choose to walk down this path ... then, you are choosing to get burned, IMO. Meaning, at any moment, he and his wife could choose to reconcile (since they haven't even chosen to divorce yet! ... they've only chosen to seperate and see other people) ... and where would that leave you? Standing there alone with your heart in your hands. .
To me, it doens't matter that they have seperated and have agreed to see other people (IMO, that is a bad decision on their part ... neither of them is in a position to be dating (online dating with Match.com) ... any marriage counselor or any type of therapist would agree ... so, with that alone ... I'd question his judgment). Secondly, you only know what he tells you ... do you know for FACT that he and his wife have this agreement???.
It would be different if divorced papers were filed ... that would mean that they have made a decision. As it is, they haven't. He is waiting until it is affordable to divorce? Oh good lord ... if you believe that one ... I'd be quite concerned for you. ..
It's a very difficult, emotional, volatile situation and being in the middle of it is almost sure to cause you pain. Better to wait for him to be divorced, custody settled to really be with him..
What does he mean by damage control? What was the damage?.