It's sort of a vacation, but sort of.. well, we all congregate in this city for the summer every year. Also, no, they would not *make* me but this hangout, everyone goes. It is sort of our place. Everyone knows each other. No big deal, I was just interested in other people's experiences. He won't ruin anything. ..
I have been in similar situations and sometimes the best thing for me to do at that time was just to ignore the fact that the ex was there (if that was the appropriate response). Other times it was best to just say hello if we ended up right next to each other in passing and then continue with our respective evenings...
Have you ever run into them and you wanted to do the quick hi thing but then they wanted to have a conversation? I tried to do the quick thing with some other ex and he wanted to have a whole conversation about why I dumped him. First, I already gave him a reason when I had broken up with him. It was short, clear, and direct. But then when we ran into each other he wanted details. I was like, I don't think you really want that. And he said he did, and of course what I had to say was not pleasant and he just ended up feeling worse and I was really annoyed by the whole thing. He acted like a psycho. .
It's hard to predict if it's going to be a drama or not and I really could do without that. Even if I am personally cool about it, it doesn't mean the other person will be. Honestly, about a month ago, this particular ex tried to make nice to me, but I sort of blew him off. I just don't want/need his kind in my life. If we run into each other and he asks me like the other one what happened etc it will not be pretty for him lol .
The best I think is for me to go but not stay long. Usually if I want to leave, there will be a contingent that will want to leave with me anyways and do something else too instead of staying in one place the whole night. .
Edited 4/24/2008 1:37 am ET by blairbear89..
"I tried to do the quick thing with some other ex and he wanted to have a whole conversation about why I dumped him. ".
You see, that's the danger...them wanting to monopolize your time. If this particular ex wants to shoot the breeze just let him know that he'll need to schedule a time to chat with you. .
"The best I think is for me to go but not stay long. ".
Alright you have a plan so you'll know what to do if the situation arises. Hopefully he wont be there and you'll have a nice time...
If you go be with good friends you care about, be civil , which is different than fake nice - a small smile, head shake, make any interchange very short - is the bar a large place, even one with a few rooms? If it's really small and you'll be on nearby barstools for any prolonged period of time, well that seems pretty uncomfortable.
The place is not massive but not tiny. Basically, it is big enough so that you wouldn't be right next to them, but small enough where there's no way you would *not* see each other lol I will probably do the small smile thing and hopefully he'll get the vibe from that. But if he approaches me in any way and tries to talk to me I'll have to shut him down and flat out say "I am not interested in talking to you". ..
<< I will probably do the small smile thing and hopefully he'll get the vibe from that. But if he approaches me in any way and tries to talk to me I'll have to shut him down and flat out say "I am not interested in talking to you". >>.
Ok, then why smile at him if you don't want to talk to him??.
How 'bout just going about your business with your friends and not acknowledge that he's there. Act "as if" he wasn't. Believe me, you don't have to make eye contact with someone you don't want to make eye contact with ... you simply don't look his way. .
If he approaches you, be mature ... be civil ... shutting a person down and saying "I am not interested in talking to you" isn't mature ... nor do you even KNOW if he wants to TALK simply b/c he approaches you ... if he says anything to you, just say "hello" and that's it ... and if he tries to have a conversation or talk with you ... then, you simply say "I'm here with my friends" and continue your conversation with your friends. He'll get the message. ..
The place is not that big and I will probably be looking around for other friends, so even if I don't mean to, it is possible to catch each others eye. I am NOT the type to give the small smile at all but was reading someone else post on "being civil". When I write "approaches me" I mean approaches me and says something, says hello and attempts to start a conversation by saying "how are you" etc and then I will say I am not interested in talking to them. This is NOT immature, that is clear and direct. And given this person's behavior to me in the past, totally appropriate. If he starts with "How are you" and I reply "I'm here with my friends" that will make no sense whatsoever. .
I don't know why people refuse to be direct. It is not immature or rude to be this way. It is actually *kind*. If a guy comes up to me and asks me my name and I can already tell I am not attracted to him, I wont even give him my name I'll just say "I'm not interested". Why waste his time and mine by making small talk and coming up with some lame excuse for why I have to walk away??.
That's why people are confused and come on here asking questions like "does he/she like me" and saying things like "well she didn't talk to me long, but she said her friends were there. Maybe it's just cause she had to pay attention to her friends" etc My way is clear - "I do not want to talk to you". Then there is no chance of him ever appraoching me again. This works well, for me anyway. .