Is a scam?

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My question is: Is a scam?.

Thank you in advance for your help!  I have been dating (online dating with "Bob" since mid February.  We met though but later found that we have mutual friends.  Anyway, he commutes for his job during the week but comes back home midweek to check his house, do laundry, etc.  Over the last 6 weeks, he told me that he was also coming back to see me as well.  Very nice to hear considering he is a man of few words.  So much so that his lack of communication was raising the "emotionally unavailable" redflag.  We had sex early on in the relationship (thru which worked out for both of us.  I divorced after 8 years of marriage in September and "Bob" was the first man I slept with since my ex-husband.  It was almost like I found my libido again!  It was great and Bob seemed to enjoy it as well.  He would often text me at night wanting a little "text sex".  I am not big on that because I feel like an idiot but I would give it the "old college try" for HIM.  So last Tuesday he comes in town late but still asks to see me.  I agree and he comes over and stayed the night.  We had sex twice (he initiated the first, I the second) and then one more time in the morning.  I will admit that I initiated the morning sex.  When he left, he told me he will call me later in the day, yada, yada, yada.  Well he never called, texted or ANYTHING.  It is not too uncommon for him to go a day or two without communicating but 2 days has always been the max.  I finally called him and left a short and sweet voicemail and sent one text...heaven forbid I act too needy....he "hates needy girls".  Anyway, I am out to dinner with my girlfriends on Friday night and I FINALLY get a text from him saying "Hey long week and just kinda feel like I get used for sex when I just want to relax.  Feel obligated.  Gets frustrating."  What the hell!?  I immediate call him and he does not answer...that's mature!  Then I write a text saying that "I have no idea what you are talking about and there must be a communication problem.  Sorry.  Wish you would have taken my call so we could discuss.  Take care."  He then writes back that I have "Gone off the deep end over a statement. With my daughter right now!!!!".  I wrote back that I did not know he was with his daughter, I apologize but did NOT go over the deep end.  And that is that.  I have not heard anything since Friday night and now it is Monday.  Now what?  I have no intention of calling or texting since I sent the last text.  I am just so hurt!  I almost think this was a lame attempt to break things off.  Hell, I could have written his text myself.  I was sometimes feeling like I was just a bootycall to him.  Opinions?  ..

Comments (8)

One of the main reasons that texting is a immature, poor way to communicate with someone about something other than,"running late" "call me" etc.....

It doesn't sound like he is all that into this situation that you two have, you are not in a serious committed relationship, you have only known each other a couple months, you only get together once a week because of his traveling, you have sex with him, nothing more than that... You are not a priority in his life right now and he shouldn't be one in yours....Until you both talk and agree on what kind of relationship (thru you both want and that takes in person time..

He feels the way he does and unless he is willing to talk to you about it, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change his mind, and it does sound like you might have been a booty call to him, or he might be seeing other people which is his right to do unless you agreed to be exclusive..

Let this go, get on with your life just like before he came into it, do you really think all this is worth it at this early stage?  Most people are on their best behavior the first few months, if this is his best behavior I don't know if I would want to see his worst...

Comment #1

What a putz!!  You need this like you need a hole in the headI say, NEXT!!!.


Comment #2

We did have "the talk" and he said that we were in a monogomous relationship!!!  Otherwise I would not have continued sleeping him him.  I should have added that I see him on Friday or Saturday nights as well as midweek.  We would go to dinner and a movie or meet up with friends for a drink.  As I write this however I am realizing it was not much of a realtionship.  UGH!..

Comment #3

No it really isn't.... You deserve better than this.....

Good luck..

Comment #4

He feels like you were using him for sex?!  Whatever!  That sounds like a lame excuse for this guy to get off the hook.  And how were you supposed to know he was with his daughter?  We are not mind readers.  I say just sit back and wait to see what happens.  You are right since you were the last one to text/call.  If you hear back from him now you will probally feel uncomfortable in the future since he can't handle a woman who is straight forward.  Which itseems is less than he can say for himself. ..

Comment #5

He wants to relax?  He is being used for sex? Is he related to the Bob I was married to? .

Oldnewbie, there are plenty of men out there who would gladly let you USE them for sex...hehe.  Drop this lame guy...

Comment #6

You know it sounds like he had a good old fashioned freak out!!!!!  This is usually a females war cry senario, but he did a role reversal on you.  I wouldn't waste my time on him either.  He could have communicated his fears with you.  you are both adults.  And to have sex when the two of you are together isn't all that strange.  Sounds like the two of you don't get a ton of alone time.  Let him come back to you.  Only if you want to..

Good Luck,.



Comment #7

If he does try to come back, show him the door. Based on what you say it's not clear what happened with him. The most important thing for you to know is that it's HIM and his issues. If he's going to freak over, essentially, nothing, and he won't bother to communicate, he's definitely not cut-out for a relationship (thru (where communication and not freaking out is important). Cut your losses and forget about him...

Comment #8

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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