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Is Match.com a good dating site?

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My question is: Is Match.com a good dating site?.

Ok, here we go again.  I just need a bit of support to make me act normal and not weird..

I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy for 6 weeks.  He was completely into me.  Very very sweet.  Then Sunday came.  I was out of town and he picked me up from the airport.  He was telling me about his night out on Saturday and mentioned that out of the blue he was invited to see a show with someone he never usually hangs out with.  The show was crazy.  And staring in the show was this girl, I will call her D.  He goes off about how it was crazy that she was in the show and that she knew the guy who had asked him to hang out..

Backstory:  The week before I discovered that he knew D through other people.  I told him that it was weird.  She turned up everywhere in my life and was now best friends with someone who hates me, C. That was all I told him.  Didn't want to suck him into a bad story. .

Anyway, they hang out after the show on Saturday and he said he asked D if she knew me and if she knew C.  I was told her only response was that C still wants to be friends with me and that C is weird..

I start freaking out.  I was sick and tired, and I couldn't believe he brought me up to D.  I mean why would he?.

Lets just say there was a lot of discussion over it that morning and later that day.  I have a lot of background with C and didn't want to go down that road again.  Yes, I over-reacted, but why was he asking.  I know.  Because he was curious..

Anyway, I just feel like we are completely different now.  He isn't as into me it seems.   Usually when this happens, I immediately start running after the guy.  I'm trying to be good and just go with the flow.  I know he thinks differently of me now, but I shouldn't change myself and be all over him just because he isn't as into me. ..

Comments (7)

If he really is interested, he won't think it's weird if you say hi, he will be excited about it. .

 .

> oops, I think I meant this for another thread! .

Edited 4/24/2008 7:49 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #1

Did you see what he did as an act of betrayal? .

Did you ask him why he spoke to her about you?.

Have you asked him why he has pulled away from you?.

 "Usually when this happens, I immediately start running after the guy.".

I usually do the opposite.  I will initially try to find out what is bothering the guy and see if there is anything I can do, but if he wants to pull away and he doesnt want to tell me why, then there is nothing I can do about it.   ..

Comment #2

Well, somehow I stumbled on a man who likes to discuss things.  We had to discuss the situation again.  I had let it go and was trying to be me, but he brought it up.  He said he was annoyed that I got upset at him.  I said I could tell he was backing off.  He insisted that we agreed he was right.  I said I respected the fact that he felt that way and I know he had done it with no malice.  But never did we discuss how I got upset. He still doesn't get that at all..

We then had to go into this whole discussion about how we have to tell each other if we are annoying each other.  The whole night was very ugh.  I honestly felt like I was one of the boys I had dated in the past.  I feel sorry for every last one of them when I hadn't let something go..

I don't know.  dating (online dating with Match.com) is supposed to be fun.  Last night wasn't fun.  I don't want to have to go through this again and again.  Constantly discussing things..

I'm definately not running after him now.  I'm just being myself and seeing what happens...

Comment #3

You have good and bad here:.

1) "Well, somehow I stumbled on a man who likes to discuss things."  - IMO, this is a good thing.

2) "We then had to go into this whole discussion about how we have to tell each other if we are annoying each other.  " - this is also a good thing..

3) "He insisted that we agreed he was right" - this is bad because there is no right and wrong when it comes to discussing personal issues.  everyone has their own way of handling things like this.  If I were in his shoes, I would have stayed close-lipped around this girl because you and she have a negative history together.  He is not "right" about anything - and he needs to respect your feelings and how you want to be treated and how you want things to be handled..

4) "But never did we discuss how I got upset. He still doesn't get that at all." - this is bad because you need to discuss with this much-discussion guy why you got angry with him..

If you are dating (online dating with Match.com) the right person airing differences is important and can bring the two of you closer together and strengthen your bond...

Comment #4

I understand.  Believe me.  I usually like to discuss things, but looking back, the discussion was mostly around his feelings and then when I was asked to air mine, he took that time to defend himself. I felt like I was trying to understand him and say my thoughts but he wasn't trying to understand me.  He was just talking to make himself feel better..

Anyway, we were supposed to meet up tonight, but that is out the window.  He messaged this morning that he had to work late last night and went to sleep early and he has to work late again tonight.  He will call me Saturday..

I said no problem.  I wasn't going to make a big fuss about it. .

Would I like to see him?  Yes.  I'm still trying to figure things out with him, but I want him to want o see me too.  Not going to push on this..

I don't know.  Maybe we are just meant to be friends.  I will give it time, but I'm not going to run after someone...

Comment #5

Hi vacn31,.

Welcome to the board!!!.

I think something to remember is that dating (online dating with Match.com) someone for 6 weeks really isn't that long.  The two of you are still getting to know each other.  I know a lot of us girls can get attached really easily and very quickly.  If we stepped back and took an honest look at ourselves, we'd realize we were rushing things. .

So at this point in your relationship, it's okay if you don't like something about someone.  You just have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not..

 .

Good Luck,.

 .

           ..

Comment #6

"I usually like to discuss things, but looking back, the discussion was mostly around his feelings and then when I was asked to air mine, he took that time to defend himself.".

Not good.  It's one thing to discuss things but if those times are only spent venting instead of airing differences and reaching a mutually beneficial solution then you get nothing out of it..

You can only do what you can do.  The issue that surrounds you with him is possibly (not sure) his need to be the main attraction at your expense.  Those types of guys are too frustrating to date.  His need to be "right" about your disagreement took away any validation towards your feelings.  What you were upset about has no right or wrong - it's all about preferences.  If I am the type of person that wouldnt have minded be discussed with someone I dont like but my SO does mind it I am going to make sure that I dont discuss him with someone he doesnt like regardless of how I personally feel about the situation. Since you didnt divulge too much about this woman to him, he made a faux pas - innocent enough - but he needed to defend himself too much when the appropriate response, IMO, should have been "I'm sorry, I didnt know.  I didnt mean to upset you or hurt you and I will not discuss you with her again."..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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