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Is it possible to Instant-Message someone on Match.com?

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My first question is: Is it possible to Instant-Message someone on Match.com?.

My next question is: Hi. Hoping to get some perspective from you - esp. if you have any experience with online dating. So, met a guy at work 2 years ago - life took us in different directions but there was an instant mental and spiritual connection and unspoken attraction. Fast forward, we're back in touch now, expressed interest in each other. First date using Match.com (three weeks ago) was AMAZING.

I have always (call it strange) had a sense that he was The One - it bothered me that we weren't in touch over the last 2 years - we thought about each other and us coming back into each other's lives has been a blessing. We're getting closer, talking about the future (even vaguely), and last night we had sex for the first time. Tonight, I see that he's on yahoo personals - I looked there just to see if he had an ad - and it shows that he's been active in the past 24 hours. So, here's my question (I've never done the online thing) - is there ANY reason why someone would log in to yahoo personals unless they were scoping out dates? Also, what would you do if you were in my shoes? He doesn't know I know he has an ad on yahoo and he certainly doesn't know I saw that he has just been online there. I'm pissed off that he never mentioned he was online and I'm hurt that he would log in the day after we were intimate! Please HELP! Thanks!!!! (P.S..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Is it possible to Instant-Message someone on Match.com?.

If he already had an ad up, then he may have been logging in to look at his inbox. And sure I can think of innocent things he might have been doing. He might have been telling someone he'd been talking to that he was no longer interested for instance. But aside from that though, if you haven't talked about dating (online dating with Match.com) exclusively, then it's wrong for you to assume that you are. That doesn't make him a jerk or anything else. Plus it's only been three weeks, that's a really short time to be thinking he's The One, even if you did work together a couple of years ago.

Even if he's not ready to date using Match.com exclusively, it's pretty customary to talk about any possibly sexual activity with other people now that you're having sex with each other. If you're going to suddenly decide no more sex and put the breaks on, then you should have a talk with him. Otherwise, he's likely to think that it means you're not all that interested and continue looking around for someone else who is...

Comment #1

Unless you had a discussion about dating (online dating with Match.com) exclusively and he agreed, he's not doing anything wrong by still having an ad up.  If exclusivity/monogamy is important to you then you needed to talk to him about that BEFORE you had sex..

But since it's too late for that, no time like the present!!  And why would you "confront" him about the ad when he's not doing anything wrong?  Why not just *talk* to him about it???.

Sheri..

Comment #2

I would be a good idea to discuss monogamy and exclusivity with him so that there is no confusion.  Make sure you include web sites that are used for personal ads or dating...

Comment #3

Talking about the future at only 3 weeks?  That is a little bit soon to be talking about things like that unless it is in the general sense.  It takes months of in person dating (online dating with Match.com) to know someone and if they are the one for you...right now you are in the "honeymoon" stage, that doesn't last..

If you have not talked about and both agreed to be exclusive then he is doing nothing wrong.  And yes there could be innocent reasons why he is checking his yahoo..

Why don't you speak with him (confront is a very ugly word and just brings negative responses because it is a form of guilty until proven innocent and will put someone of the defensive immediately)  ...but also you had to have one on there to check to see if he had one so he can just as easily turn it around on you.  he doesn't know you have one on there and sounds like you don't want to tell him you do, so that means your relationship will not be  built on trust...if you don't have trust you don't have much.  Why are you pissed at him for not telling you he had one online...did you tell him you have one online?.

If you are going to use "sex" as a weapon then you really don't need to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) with anyone.  YOU chose to have sex with him before discussing things, that is not his fault, that is all on you.  It's hard to put the horse back in the stable after it has been let out.

I you decide to not be intimate with him any longer that is fine and your right to do so, but you need to be woman enough to explain to him why...

Comment #4

Yes it's only been 3 weeks  - that's way too soon to be looking for a commitment. However once you have sex it does change things. You don't want to get too needy, clingy, etc.  However yes, once you have sex a discussion about other sexual partners, expectations, etc., is crucial.

,..

Comment #5

I log in to personals just to browse and see what's new.  I enjoy reading the profiles too, they can be very entertaining...but that's just me.  I also go in to re-read my messages.  Looking for something I may have forgotten and wanted to talk over with one of my contacts. ..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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