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Is it OK to not call back?

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I met this guy a few weeks ago at a sporting event.  We happily chatted for a few hours, both alone and with our groups of friends, and finally right before I left he asked for my number.  We've had many phone conversations, been on 2 dates, and he is a really nice guy..

But (and you knew there'd be one) I am finding myself less and less attracted to him.  Our conversations are growing stale, and he doesn't seem to have a real passion for anything in life.  He is very laid back, and I am pretty energetic.  I was clear on our second date using Match.com that planning dates in advance was necessary for me due to my schedule.  Yet, he hasn't made an attempt to schedule a third date, and just left me a vague voicemail.  He might be not that into me, but I also think he might just be shy.  My question is, is it better to just not call back?  I feel so rude, but if I do call back it will be to say that I don't think we're a match.  I don't see us being friends as the same issues will inevitably crop up..

This might seem like a basic question, but I am not that experienced at dating, and my friends have given me mixed responses.  So thanks!.

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Comments (4)

Your question was: Is it OK to not call back?.

It would be best if you did return his call. It could be that you both realized that you are not suited for each other.  I know it is difficult to find the right words for this type of situation.  You could just say, "I dont think that we are a good match."..

Comment #1

Well he did leave you a voicemail so clearly there is interest.  He might sense your doubts which could account for his ambivalence.  You might as well call back.  The two of you did find common ground initially, lots of phone conversations and he is a nice guy, if laid back.  Perhaps a 3rd date using Match.com might have him being more comfortable and more able to share his enthusiasms.  If you continue to feel there is no potential, at least you'll know you gave it more of a shot..

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Comment #2

Thank you both for your advice - my instinct was to call back, and I am glad I did.  We ended up having a very entertaining conversation, although I was frustrated by him not attempting to make plans.  After all, dating (online dating with Match.com) is about seeing each other, not just talking on the phone since we live less than 10 miles apart even if we do both have tough schedules (including opposite work shifts.).

So I was very clear about suggesting a time this week that would work for me to hang out, and he might have a work commitment but said he would get back to me.  I understand if that night won't work for him, but I am hoping he really understands the need to plan.  We need to resolve this if we hope to have any chance!.

While I am not sure we're really moving forward, I know I did the right thing.  I will cotinue to be honest with him, and if we can't manage to make a plan soon, I'll explain that we just aren't a good match..

Thanks again- .

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Comment #3

You did what was best for you and hopefully this works out for you.  You seem very focused and have a plan already in your mind, which is good.  Good luck...

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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