Your question was: In a new relationship, is it wrong to keep a profile on match.com?.
I have mixed feelings about the article. I disagree with a person quoted in the article that stated that men are not as decisive as women - that's b.s. When a guy wants a woman he knows it without question. If he doesnt know it instinctively then he may want her on some level...but not real bad. I want to be *wanted*...without hesitation..
Men have changed the courting rituals over the last decade and never bothered to communicate it clearly to women. That, combined with the underground movement to confuse and put women down (on Dr. Phil) by men (dvds with instructions and all..if you can believe this nonsense) makes it difficult for women to know what to do anymore when it comes to dating. This underground "society" as Dr. Phil called it makes sure to put women on in a position to almost insult her when they first meet so that she is caught off guard and THAT (these men believe) will make her like him more. Crazy stuff going on out there. Who has time for little baby geeky games?.
My theory is that if a guy lets the opportunity by to ask a woman out...then he just didnt want her bad enough. I dont want a guy who needs a nudge to know whether or not he wants to be with me or whether or not to take a chance. But...I also believe that when a guy is asked out by the woman sometimes...he fails to value her in his life - the chasing thing? Not all men...just some..
There's a man who said that I never knew cared for me and he has spent 20 years waiting to meet me. I didnt realize this until this year. He felt rejected by me because I was supposed to meet him at certain times at certain places but the people who arranged this with him never told me - I was (and still am) out of the loop in terms of communication about his whereabouts or activities or who he associates with. So, someone clearly didnt want us to be together. I am disappointed that he didnt make any effort to come to my location if he fancied me (while I knew nothing about him - he knew everything about me) because I would have liked to have met him when I was a different person - it would have been nice. I probably would have been swept away by him back then very quickly and maybe we would have even rendez vous'ed. But..this is what we have to work with now and I look forward to him visiting me soon. He said it will be soon for us to be together...
I think the article has some merit, as do the comments by the previous poster. .
Except this at happy hour with some company colleagues a while back one Friday a very good friend of mine, a rather handsome, successful, 37yo man, ran into a charming 27 yo woman, who he had met once before. But this time, in this setting, sparks flew! When I left they were off in a corner on their own. He e-mailed me later in the evening and wrote a single word: "WOW". So I saw him on Monday and I asked him, did you get her number? Did you call her? He said, it was a great night; they flirted; they switched venues; they kissed. The evening didn't end until early morning. He was smitted but, while he got her number, he wasn't going to call her until the end of the week. He said that woman want what they can't have and so he was going to wait and let her "stew." Jeez. I told him, just e-mail her now. But he didn't. He thought an e-mail too soon would screw up a possibly good thing. So I said to the guy I'm dating, can you believe this gamesmanship? The guy I'm dating, he says, "oh, yeah, he's right. Woman want what they can't have. He needed to wait." So to what extent is the chase not a "chase" at all. And if you're the girl do you stew or do you shrug and say "he's not that interested" or do you maneuver another "accidental" meeting which, in it's way, would feed the interest of the two guys I'm talking about more than a direct call or e-mail) .
I don't know..
>>He was smitted but, while he got her number, he wasn't going to call her until the end of the week. He said that woman want what they can't have and so he was going to wait and let her "stew." Jeez. I told him, just e-mail her now. But he didn't. He thought an e-mail too soon would screw up a possibly good thing. So I said to the guy I'm dating, can you believe this gamesmanship? The guy I'm dating, he says, "oh, yeah, he's right. Woman want what they can't have. He needed to wait." So to what extent is the chase not a "chase" at all. And if you're the girl do you stew or do you shrug and say "he's not that interested" or do you maneuver another "accidental" meeting which, in it's way, would feed the interest of the two guys I'm talking about more than a direct call or e-mail)<< .
Well, I guess the thing for women now is to have such full lives that they don't have the time to 'stew'. So when he called I hope she was too busy to talk at the moment - I wonder who would have stewed then. Unfortunately, that would have just taken the game-playing to another level, but that's just how it is. I've never experienced 'stewing' in this respect. My BF pursued me; he called every day, wanted to give me a ride everywhere I needed to go (I didn't have a car yet) and was basically there. Yet, it wasn't annoying or stalker-like, although I declined some of the offers because I was (and still am) accustomed to doing things for myself.
I would have been turned off. Next!.
I don't think the 'accidental' meeting is a bad idea - as long as it really looks accidental. The problem is that some guys are so cocky, they would assume that a true accidental meeting was planned. Articles like this one are the reason that I never want to have to start dating (online dating with Match.com) again..
CL - Women of Color ..
From my own personal experience I think that article is just plain fluff. I have created fate many times in my life, not just love life, and most all of them turned out to be disasters. I now live by what will be will be & if it were meant to happen it will..
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My next door neighbor.
Wants to ban all guns.
THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.
Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.
Them with my guns..
I agree with you. In the past I have tried to create fate, and I always ended up getting hurt or making things worse!..
Your guy sounds great! I agree about the game playing and making a woman wait for a call. Games do backfire - people who want to have a normal honest relationship (thru Match.com) wont respond with the usual game playing tactics...
I don't know where these guys get these ideas, though. I think he was sincerely convinced that he had to play this insincere game to secure her interest. .
The problem with games is, they can cancel each other out. I mean, what if a guy playing the "I'll make her wait for my call" game becomes interested in the girl playing the "I'll play hard to get" game, and she was likewise interested in him. I suppose they'd have a real hard time connecting again! LOL..
I agree with you, for sure, the whole dating (online dating with Match.com) scene even here in middle-aged is fraught with drama. ..
Interesting - but you don't want to build an ongoing relationship (thru Match.com) on game playing.
I agree. Unfortunately, many start because of games..
CL - Women of Color ..