Your question was: I'm subscribed to match.com for the first time, I want to email one of my matches?.
In my case the guy contacted me and was flirting with me a lot and ever as soon as I told him I always liked him he became distant/less flirtacious. So, it was either an ego boost or he is not sure that he likes me that much and is hopeful for his ex as they are in touch which is why he stated from the beginning all he ever wanted was to just hangout with me or a casual date using Match.com once in a while. He gave me crap from the beginning about still being a wounded animal and does not want to potentially hurt me. So he either wanted me there just physically or is scared to start something cuz of her. I am not sure which but either way I can't get in the middle of that crap! He is hot and cold w/ me. .
After not seeing him for a long time, I told him THE TRUTH that other men were asking me out and he made it a point to spend over 10 hours with me on one date using Match.com but our dates are never out and he we are not having sex so.??? ..
In general ( not in reference to your particular situation),everyone is nervous /afraid to commit.All believe if they are commiting too soon ,without making sure if there is a better prospect out there.no one wants to miss a chance.So, to be afraid to commit has nothing to do with not getting over an ex.IMO.Now, to your ? ,about "Signs a man is not over his ex?" Many signs.He wouldnt like to think about any other woman except her ex.Even if he has tried to date using Match.com other woman,he will wonder/think about 'her'.He will try to find out what is going on in her life by asking mutual friends or family.He will make attempts to make contact.he will try to forget and move on but cant.his friends specially get tired of hearing his tales of woe !to name a few.Most of the things happen in mind and no one except him can know for sure what he is thinking.But his actions will tell you a lot as they will automatically speak what he his thinking.Some ( men and women ) can get over quickly, no big deal for them but some can never get over and move on.And the later ones stay the same age !..
That makes sense.
What do you make of him coming over my house to spend a ton of time with me after I mention other men interested in me. Otherwise he was not really seeing me and only uses email to contact me? .
Edited 6/21/2008 11:37 am ET by gal_kaylee..
He doesnt want to lose you. " otherwise he does not really see me and only uses email to contact me? " Could be hesitant to say what you want to hear. Since he is hurt from previous R, he might want some sort of confirmation from your end ?? He might have some build up of emotions which is making him vulnerable and he knows that if he spills it out to you, where will it lead to??Does that fill in?..
He knows I really like him and I suppose that could really scare a man too...
Men dont get scared when they are in just for sex but they do when they get emotionally attached. Men are like women when it comes to emotions and feelings but sometimes they become more sensitive and dont know how to deal as they were never trained for that!..
The clearest sign in the world is when he tells you - "I'm not looking for anything serious and I'm still not over my ex" - which according to your previous post on other boards is what he said from the beginning.
Men who are ready for love don't 'get scared' of commitment. Men who 'get scared' are afraid of feeling pain - not of getting love. And neither man nor woman can 'commit' to someone when they are still wounded from a previous relaitonship. When someone is ready for something - they run TO it - not from it..
Not ready means not ready. And it means that involving yourself with someone who is not ready is a short path to a lot of hurt and frustration. Just like you are feeling now..
Let it go..