I'm looking for someone who's a member of

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My first question is: I'm looking for someone who's a member of

My next question is: I have been dating (online dating with this man for 6 months, everything has been wonderful, we are planning on moving in together, we were both married, me for 20 years, him for 16 years, he has children, I have children, they all get along wonderful, things couldn't be better.  Then I found an email that he had gotten from an ex-girlfriend.  She had written a couple of times, he had written back a couple of times, and she had asked him if he wanted to "hook up" for drinks, he responded by saying, do you mean, if I buy drinks, we will hook up, or do you just mean meet for drinks.  I saw the email, and was hurt, he has apologized over and over, telling me how stupid it was for him to even respond to her, that he is sorry, doesn't want to lose me, and that he never had any intentions of meeting her, he says that any guy who were to receive a flirty email, would probably flirt back, but that it didn't mean anything.  He seems really sincere in trying to make things right, but am I being too naive in thinking that what he did wasn't leading up to more?  I'm so confused...

Comments (5)

Your question was: I'm looking for someone who's a member of

He says that any guy who were to receive a flirty email, would probably flirt back, but that it didn't mean anything. NOT!.

I see a red flag here, I would hold off on the move in for a while.  If he did not want her attention he would have been straight up with her, told her he was in a relationship (thru and not to contact him anymore & maybe even blocked her email..

Sorry this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I would be very leery of him now..



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Comment #1

I agree with the previous is a red flag and even more so considering you are willing to move in with someone after only dating (online dating with them for 6 months. It takes longer than that to start getting to know the real person, you are still in the "honeymoon" stage.I would nix the moving in together for now...what's the rush?..

Comment #2

Just remember...he got caught.  So..he will naturally put on the charm and affection so that you dont dwell on it.  There is no telling what he would or would  not have done.  Since he thought a little ego boosting was okay...harmless..wouldnt lead to anything disastrous...he indulged her..

If I were in his shoes I probably would have gotten annoyed that someone would want to put my relationship (thru in danger like that and cut off communication.  Obviously the person is selfish and not thinking of my happiness, right? ..

Comment #3

Well he's written back a couple of times, that's not an impulsive action.  I'm sure he's sincere in saying to you he didn't mean anything by it but it's definitely something that shouldn't be ignored.  I wonder if he might be open to going to a session or two of couples counseling with you?.




Comment #4

Some men want to be in relationships but they want to know that there are "options"; even if they don't intend to act on it..

If you are really concerned maybe you can suggest he attends a few therapy sessions to see if there are any underlying  issues that he needs to take care of before you move in together...

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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