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Ignoring attractive women

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Sometimes I feel if I purposely ignore an attractive woman I arouse their curiosity/attraction. Why are woman like this? Are you one of them? Is this a good way to get a girl to like me? How long should I play this game with her? Does their age play any role in this?Explain as much as you can please...

Comments (9)

Your question was: Ignoring attractive women.

You will arouse curiousity in a woman who is in love with a challenge moreso than you.I dont feel it is a good way to meet someone with whom you can have a satisfying relationship. If I was in a room filled with people, and a guy ignored me, I'd probably write him off as someone who was not interested in me or a snob. I'm not a glutton for punishment.Usually the younger the woman the more tolerance she has for this type of game.I can understand not wanting to look like a panting puppy, but just treat women like you would treat men - being open to meeting new people and having conversation. If during the course of that you stumble upon someone who you like, it will feel like a natural progression towards dating. The way you have things arranged now, you are trying to convey mystery in your nonverbal communication or that you have "attitude" - both of which you seem to think will attract women to you. It will attract certain types of women, but you may not like who they are once you get to know them.Think of it this way...men like lawyers and doctors always brag about their money, status, material possessions when they try to attract women.

After a while these same men start to desire a woman who likes them for them, not their stuff. Oops, a little late here, you wagged your wallet in front of yourself..and now the golddigger hounds picked up on the scent and they were the ones beating down your door.The point I'm trying to make is a simple one that no man has yet to figure out...(they scratch their heads wondering why they cant meet someone cute and cool)...the way you woo is the who you woo...

Comment #1

Thanks snafu for your advice/reply.What I meant by ignoring was just in the initial phase of meeting and nothing prolonged, just to get their attention and then start showing my intrest.Is this still not a good way to meet someone like "you"?This is just something I've read about and heard from friends in the past.For example I was reading just today in Reader's Digest an article about Diana and how she was so attracted to a doctor in a hospital because he didn't "notice" her. She thought that was "unbearably" sexy! But like you said, I guess that only happens to certain women who get a lot of attention. Is this what you meant when you said <It will attract certain types of women, but you may not like who they are once you get to know them.>?Also can you explain more on this : <The point I'm trying to make is a simple one that no man has yet to figure out...(they scratch their heads wondering why they cant meet someone cute and cool)...the way you woo is the who you woo.> Do you mean males and females where you referred to "man has yet to figure out..."?thanks.

Edited 8/5/2007 5:37 pm ET by jackmoin..

Comment #2

Game playing in general is not how emotionally balanced adults interact.I think the article on Diana was not that he pretended to 'ignore' her just taht he wasn't so bedazzled by her fame that he forgot himself - meaning he saw her as a person - not a persona. If a guy ignored me or seemed to ignore me - then I would view that as not interest. I have no interest in 'chasing' anyone who is not interested in me. And if they are interested in me yet put on a pretense that they are not for some silly reason, I cannot be interested in them. If you like me - let me know. You'll get a whole lot further than with a game..

Toni..

Comment #3

"For example I was reading just today in Reader's Digest an article about Diana and how she was so attracted to a doctor in a hospital because he didn't "notice" her. She thought that was "unbearably" sexy! But like you said, I guess that only happens to certain women who get a lot of attention."> I didnt read this article but if that is what happened, then yes, this is exactly my point. Not regarding Diana, but a type of woman who is very insecure yet very pretty is a horror to date using Match.com when she will talk to a man all night just so she can walk away knowing he "wanted" her. She may not even like the guy or even want to date using Match.com the guy. She needs validation like normal people need food and water."Is this what you meant when you said <It will attract certain types of women, but you may not like who they are once you get to know them.>?"> yes."What I meant by ignoring was just in the initial phase of meeting and nothing prolonged, just to get their attention and then start showing my intrest.Is this still not a good way to meet someone like "you"?">is your intention to separate yourself from the pack and then approach once the dust settles? I dont think that ignoring anyone for any length of time is a smart way to establish a healthy relationship. If you feel the need to stand out in a different way from men around you...then...you might want to try another approach.

A woman who does not like games will not appreciate being treated in a way that smacks of game playing. Game playing is implying that you do not feel that the woman is an equal to you in a relationship. Typically children are not told the truth about horrific things in life or about uncomfortable subjects...that is manipulation. Game playing is also manipulation and treating someone as though she were a child. How is a woman to trust any man who treats that way? However, if you meet and attract a game player then you have just entered into a contest of wills.

If you talk to an older person (man or woman) they'll express advice about relationships as "handling" the opposite sex. For instance, a much older woman will advise a young woman to "allow the man to think he thought of the idea or a plan"..even if SHE thought of it. Why? Because that is how you "handle" a man. That is also treating him like a child. An older male may advise a young man to "just say 'yes' and you'll avoid problems down the road." That is how he would "handle" his wife.

Younger men and women give different, but equally damaging advice. A younger man will advise his friend to "not call for 3 days - keep her guessing - it will make her want you more" ....so not true. A younger woman will advise her friend to "not answer the phone every time he calls - keep him guessing - it will make him want you more" .... so not true. Why is this line of thinking not true? Because...

In other words...the guy who thinks he's slick by not calling for 3 days has turned himself into an object by playing a game. If he would have just called when he desired to call...then he would be mentally connected to a woman in such a way that she would feel safe to let her guard down. Instead...her ego kicks in and now...she just needs to know he wants her so she waits for the call. The momentum of her emotions has flattened and now she'll play it out...see how far the relationship (thru Match.com) goes but without the same interest and emotion and excitement."Do you mean males and females where you referred to "man has yet to figure out..."?"> I phrased the answer to apply to you, a male, but it does apply to both men and women...

Comment #4

I see. ok.... thank you snafu and tonitoons. You sound so knowledgeable. Can you share more of your knowledge/experiences with me? Like for example you said:<If you feel the need to stand out in a different way from men around you...then...you might want to try another approach.> What other approaches do you suggest?It's also so ironic that older people would give such negative advice because you would expect they have enough experience. Who do you think is a good person to consult about?thanks again.

Edited 8/6/2007 12:40 pm ET by jackmoin..

Comment #5

Hi tonitoons .Yes I agree the "doctor" was probably too busy to pay attention to the princess of walesand also saw her as an ordinary woman. I would have too. I actually despise of most celebriries and "royalties" because they haven't done anything to gain all that wealth and fame and don't deserve it. And by gaining all that wealth they are denying others of their equal share and creating great diparities. Not to mention how hollywood corrupts so many people. Now I"m waaaay off the subject.

Snafu said the same thing. Are most women like you or no? So you mentioned :"If you like me - let me know. You'll get a whole lot further than with a game". What are the ways I could let someone like you know that I like you? Kindly elaborate. Thank you...

Comment #6

As far as any advice from an older person being negative..I can't really say it is negative. Reason being that life many years ago was much simpler, thus the advice is very simplistic. If you talk to any older person about what the key is to their success is as a couple you'll hear: tolerance, friendship, learning to get along (which includes the lack of power trips or battles for power) and so on.Okay, so if you desire to stand out from other men with women the best advice I can give is to make it a positive approach and reflective of times in which we live. So if you read this board and you see how men do hurt women with manipulation and games then...do the opposite. There are so many women who would enjoy meeting and dating (online dating with Match.com) a man who is REAL. People who are real are worth their weight in gold.

And once you go out, be honest with her as to whether or not you would want to see her again and then...follow through with what you promise. That would score high with many women. There are game playing women out there, but hopefully you will recognize them sooner than later and not get sucked into any of their games...

Comment #7

Not all women are alike just as not all men are alike and ignoring someone you like is definitely not always a surefire way of getting her attention.

It's fine to let someone know you like her, fyou just want to do your best not to act deperate or insecure. Aim for confidence and friendliness. Good luck.

,..

Comment #8

I respect and admire a number of celebrities because they use that to make a positive impact in the world - Princess Diana did this. I don't care for 'celebrities' who are such because of their bad behavior. There is nothing 'celebratory' about bad behavior - and many, though not all, are spoiled and think they are entitled to do what they want regardless of who gets hurt in the process or that they are above the law. There are not enough who are genuine and real and generous with their time, talents and resources - but they do exist.<<Are most women like you or no? >>haha - no because I am quite unique. I think that women (and men) who are self assured and self confident have no patience for the mind games that many seem to use. They have no need to 'prove' to anyone else that they are a good catch and someone worth getting to know - and they also know that someone who doesn't 'get' this fact is someone who is, emotionally, not on their level.

If there is a huge disparity in one or more areas, then you really have a Mentor/student situation - that is by definition not really equal. Consider it this way - emotional maturity can be likened to the difference between civilized and uncivilized people. Civilized people can 'act' uncivilized but the reverse is not true. And if a civilized person remains with the uncivilized too long, then they can revert to being as uncivilized as their general MO. The uncivilized can learn civility - but it takes a long time for this change to happen - and it often takes more than one teacher to help them.<<So you mentioned :"If you like me - let me know.

What are the ways I could let someone like you know that I like you? Kindly elaborate. Thank you.>>Talk to me -take interest in not only me but in the things that matter. Remember things I've said. Show in your actions that you are concerned for my well being - go out of your way for me. I'm being broad here but I hope this gives you an idea.

But the easiest way is to say so " I like you - your sense of humor, style, sprituality, etc" and that will come across because you will want to spend time with me. Generally speaking, people spend time and energy on things and people who matter to them. I think a person's interest in someone is reflected in how much time and energy they devote to them. (This can be positive or negative energy)Basically, if (an emotionally healthy) woman guesses or doesn't know if a man is interested - then he either isn't showing her the kind of attention she needs to know this or his interest isn't that deep. A sincerely interested man will want to make sure that his lady KNOWS that he ABSOLUTELY is interested because he calls, plans dates, and is sincerely interested in knowing her and making her happy..

Edited 8/6/2007 3:52 pm ET by tonitoons.

Toni..

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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