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If you were moving to a new city, would you email a guy on match.com there even though you haven't m

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My first question is: If you were moving to a new city, would you email a guy on match.com there even though you haven't m.

My next question is: I am 23 years old and work with a guy who is a high school senior who recently turned 18. We have worked together and known each other for awhile. He has been what I believe to be rather flirtatious with me for the last several months. We surprisingly have a lot in common, a lot more than probably anyone I have ever met. He is not at all what I would call "my type". I have always preferred more of the bad boy type and to my own detriment, have never been attracted to any of the "good guys".

While the age difference and fact that we work together is an issue(we also both work with family members and friends), he also has a girlfriend. She is his age and they have been together awhile. He doesn't seem to be envisioning a future without her, but at the same time he seems to be rather interested in me. He has even made passing comments a few times about us being together or if we were together. Once he even said "yeah you know your comittment issues are why we could never be together." He has a traditional committed relationship (thru Match.com) mentality, while I would never consider any sort of serious committment like marriage in the forseeable future.

There are the comments, the conversation we share(he even shares his artwork with me which he apparently doesn't share with anyone), and also a fair amount of flirtatious touching particularly on his part. I know we are both attracted to each other, and I know he even talks about me with other people. I'm really kind of confused about what to do. He has recently begun to imply that he wants to live life a bit on the wild side, and I would love to be part of that experience! I am afraid that he won't make a move as long as he is with his girlfriend, and I don't think that he will break-up with her unless he thinks it is a sure thing with me and that I am interested in something serious. I am at a total loss for what to do.

Help somebody please!..

Comments (6)

Your question was: If you were moving to a new city, would you email a guy on match.com there even though you haven't m.

Forget about him.....for now1. He has a gf. Do you think if he is doing this to her that he wouldn't do the same thing to you? If he really wanted to be with you he would, AFTER he broke up with his gf. Turn it around how would you like it if you were in the gf shoes? If he does it with you he will most likely do it to you. He wants to live on the wild side sounds like he wouldn't mind having a fling with you but I don't think it would be anything serious on his part.You need respect, honesty, and trust among other things for a happy healthy relationship, he is proving he is not respectful, honest or trustworthy, or he wouldn't be flirting with you while he has a girlfriend. You are encouraging him by flirting back with him knowing he has a gf....that part is all on you.

Ask yourself why you would want a liar and cheat.....2. You work together, if things went bad you would still have to work together and see each other quite often, things can get messy. You don't know him outside of work, or what he is like in a dating (online dating with Match.com) situation until you actually date.Good luck..

Comment #1

Hi Natsmile4u,.

Welcome to the board!!.

He has a girlfriend and I don't think it is a good thing to break them up.  If he isn't happy with his relationship, then he should break up with her.  You are in a dangerous spot right now.  I wounldn't want to be with a guy that would cheat and if you are getting this close this is definitely a possibility..

Take the hight or honorable road and distance yourself..

Good Luck,.

 .

 .

           ..

Comment #2

Bad decisions lead to more bad decisions. You say you like 'bad boys' - has involvement with ANY of them resulted in anything good for you?.

There is nothing good about this situation which it seems is what appeals to you. Why? What in you is also messed up to want to be in dangerous, unhealthy, and self destructive situations?.

Hon, would you run out in front of traffic? Would you play Russian roulette? Would you run INTO a burning building? these are all dangerous and self destructive - just like being involved with the wrong people. If you wouldn't risk your physical well being - WHY is it ok to risk your emotional well being in equally dangerous ways?.

Nothing good will come from inserting yourself into this situation - yet you are trying your best to do so.

He is 18 - a kid and hasn't left 'high school' behind him yet..

He has a GF - that doesn't seem to bother you. Self esteem and quality rely on 2 things - respect and integrity - for yourself and others. Do NOT do to another what you would HATE to have done to you..

You get cheap thrills from his 'attention' - that and the fact that you are even considering this says that you need others to validate how you feel about yourself. thus your attraction to 'bad boys' - Sex is the easiest way in the world to get attention - but that kind of attention gets the bottom feeders first. REAL attraction is to a person's heart. As long as you need others to make you feel good about yourself, you will continue to put yourself into losing, hurtful and unhealthy situations. Quality people do not associate with bottom feeders - like attracts like - so look at what you are attracted to and see what qualities in you are the same..

You are 23 - you can't change the bad decisions you have already made - but you can decide today to make better ones by saying no to people and situations that aren't good for you. You aren't stupid - you know the difference between something that is good for you and something that is not. Don't make stupid decisions that you will regret - because with every bad decision you make, another ounce of your self esteem is gone.

If you want a good guy - then you MUST be the kind of woman that a good guy would want - one that respects herself and others. Not someone who intentionally plays with fire - that makes you a high risk, high maintenance person that a good guy doesn't want part of..

Your choice. Choose wisely..

Toni..

Comment #3

How  to approach a younger guy with a girlfriend.  Simple.  One word.  DON'T.

You say you've had bad experiences with relationships in the past.  So what in the WORLD makes you think that getting into a "relationship" with a guy 5 years younger than you who is still in high school, has a girlfriend and who works with you would be a GOOD relationship?  This starts out with a ton of red flags and strikes against it.  If he was a "good guy", he'd break up with his girlfriend rather than stringing you along in hopes of lining something up with you before breaking up with her.  That's what mature people do - they step up to the plate and if a relationship (thru Match.com) is not working for them, they end it rather than just waiting for the bigger better deal to get in place before ending things..

Leave this child alone.  If you've had bad experiences in your past then work on yourself and find a relationship (thru Match.com) with someone who is mature and honest instead of a kid who would cheat on his girlfriend with you.  If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you and you're setting yourself up for yet another hurt..

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Comment #4

Okay, he wants to live on the wild side a bit but has a traditional relationship (thru Match.com) mentality - that spells ... *affair*..

You would be the other woman.  I wouldnt put much emphasis on his display of his artwork to you because he is doing it to impress you, not to be intimate with you..

If you are having trouble deciding what to do, maybe a direct talk with him is in order.  Ask him what he wants with you (affair or not) then you'll be able to judge what you need to do...

Comment #5

 Well... as you can tell, Nat, it's probably not a good idea to mess with this kid. As you've read from Toni and other's, your reasons for doing this are suspect..

 I hope you have a high enough esteem to NOT mess with this kid and his GIRLFRIEND..

 Be well....

 Z..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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