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If I have an e-mail address, how can I find that person on the personals, like yahoo or match.com or

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My first question is: If I have an e-mail address, how can I find that person on the personals, like yahoo or match.com or.

My next question is: Hey everyone....I just needed a little help because I feel like I am about to lose my mind....

I have been with my bf for a year and a half and over the past few weeks, he has become kinda distant. I don't know if you guys saw my post about my unecessary outburst about three weeks ago, but it all seemed to change after that happened. I was really frustrated with things because I hadn't seen my bf in a while because he had school from 7am-1 and work 2-11pm then went home for homework for a few hours and got about 3 hours a sleep everynight. I lost it and he thought I was breaking up with him, which wasn't the case at all, I was just frustrated and wanted some attention. The week of Thanksgiving was great, we got to spend a lot of time together because I didn't have to work, he came and met most of my family (I don't see my mom's side very often) and it was genuinely a good day and I felt so in heaven because we were happy and he made every effort to see my family and I his. Then, it just seemed he got distant.

Now he is not in school, so we have gotten to see each other a little more, but usually by the time he gets off work, I am usually in bed because I work from 8-4:30pm. So, we only really see each other on his days off during the week, about 2-3 days and then the weekends. I can just feel the desperation boiling inside me because he is getting distant. I am 26 and he is 27. For instance, I didn't have to work yesterday because some construction workers cut the power line to our office and we had no power, so we couldn't do any work at all.

We got up and it just seemed like he didn't want me there. He said he had to clean his house and do some Xmas shopping and go to his parents house for dinner. Usually he tells me I don't have to go and does his thing, but he acted like he didn't want me there. I always go with him to his parents house for dinner with him, but I wasn't invited. He went to his parents house for about an hour last night and I was just so upset.

I am starting to think that is an excuse so he doesnt' have to stay at my house. I am starting to sabotage everything that has been good in my head and I am starting to freak out.

I am afraid to bring this up because last time I did (my outburst), it didn't go well and he thought I was breaking up with him and he really thought he couldn't give me what I needed and he was so worried. I don't want to fight again and make him think I am complaining. I was acting like a 5 year old in my outburst and I really don't want to do that again. I take full responsibility for that and I really want to fix things. I am on a emotional roller coster, because I am going through treatment for severe endometriosis at 26, so they have shocked my body into menopause for 6 months to supress my overies (I got three different doctor's opinions on this and they said for someone my age, this could increase my chances to have a baby). I feel like I am losing control and how do I make this better??.

It might not be me at all. I am going on a cruise for Christmas and I invited him to go, but he said no because he wanted to be with his daughter for Christmas, and I completely understand and he is such a good dad because of that. Well, come to find out, he may not get her for Christmas at all and he is really upset because he gave up this trip for his little girl and the mom is being really difficult and not wanting him to have her. It could be so many things, but I always think it is me. Can anyone slap some sense into me?? Sorry for the length, but you guys always help me out a lot. I just feel like I am losing him.



Sara.

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"..

Comments (6)

Your question was: If I have an e-mail address, how can I find that person on the personals, like yahoo or match.com or.

Saracu, it is possible to have a conversation with someone without having a tantrum. If you remain even-keeled then why would you be afraid to upset him? Why can't you just say, "I've been feeling disconnected from you lately and your behavior toward me seems cooler than usual. Is something troubling you that you want to talk about? Or are my perceptions completely off?"..

Comment #1

Thanks eggbert, and you are competely right..

I can have a conversation without having a tantrum. I am the kind of person that stays very bottled up and that is usually a disaster waiting to happen. I did ask him if he was okay because he was a little distant and if he wanted to talk about it, but he said nothing was wrong, he is just busy, and he hates the holidays. I am going on a trip for Christmas and I dont think he will be able to see his daughter. I am trying to LISTEN to him and what he says, so he said nothing was wrong really, but something doesn't seem right. That is just the vibe I am getting.



Sara.

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"..

Comment #2

I appreciate your compliment, thank you, I am always glad to help. One last thought, I would first try giving him a little bit of breathing room in this period before the holidays to spend time with his family or daughter (or self) as he needs to. His life right now seems frustrating and maybe it's best for you to take a more passive role for a little bit until he comes to you and is able to be more open and affectionate. People go through periods of needing more and less alone time, so maybe it would be a good idea to do your own thing while letting him stay in touch on his own accord for a little while...

Comment #3

You bf is taking a break. After all the go go go go he may feel like he has some breathing time. Did you tell him you  were sorry for your oputburst and let him know he did nothing wrong. Also meeting GF and BFs families is a lot for a guy. Let him have his space. But also let him know you see that he is bveing distant and let him know if he needs to talk you are there and listen.

Let him have his space and realize his kids need to be first. You have a very wondeful man who has and extremely demanding life. Take it to heart and stop being all about you and d not have a fit because his time with you is short. I am sure hi time with his girls is a lot less. that in itself is hard enough...

Comment #4

Thanks bitemex5, I think you hit it right on the head....

I did apologize about my inmature outburst, but it has seemed to be different with him since then. You are right I need to take a step back and realize it is not all about me. His life is very demanding and I hope to be supportive of him and not the opposite because I am selfish. I just don't want to lose him. Thanks again for your comments. You are one of the best here!! xoxo.

Sara.

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"..

Comment #5

I was in the same situation like you a month ago, went out with my x for a year and a hlf and all of a sudden 2 months ago I get text such as I need space. He doesn't feel the need to return my calls or my text because he just didnt want to. I went and visit him in GA because he is opening a restaurant there. He is fr DE. He booked a flight for me to just be there for a week and I wanted to stay longer which cause a huge fight. I ignored it and was just gonna go ahead back home but he change his mind and let ne stay.

But that is exactly what I did. I gave him space, he found out I was hanging out with my friends and had one of my friends b/f's friend drop me off one time and called his phone by accident while this guy is driving my car and accused me of cheating on him. which I swore to god I have only met this person that night. He broke up with me Nov. 1 and told me that I have gotten so aggressive that as of that date using Match.com he stopped loving me and won't love me anymore.

I think he wanted out for a while and had a great excuse to dump me. I think you should leave him alone and let him come around. Let him miss you. I dont thnk I gave my x enough space to miss me. But in a way I have a strong feeling it was going to end because of his behavior...

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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