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If a married man has an active profile on Match.com is he chasing women?

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My first question is: If a married man has an active profile on Match.com is he chasing women?.

My next question is: THIS IS MY FIRST TIME POSTING ON THIS BOARD. LAST DECEMBER MY DEAR FRIEND SET ME UP ON A BLIND date using Match.com WITH A STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY THAT SHE WORKS FOR. SHE HAD KNOWN THIS GUY FOR SOME TIME AND BASED ON WHAT SHE KNEW ABOUT THE BOTH OF US SHE FELT WE WOULD BE A GOOD MATCH. THE UNIVERSITY WAS HAVING A WINTER BALL FOR STUDENTS AND STAFF, AND THIS GUY INVITED ME. I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO A FORMAL, OR GO ON A BLIND DATE, BUT I AGREED TO GO WITH HIM. THE TOWN THAT HE LIVES IN GOES TO SCHOOL IN IS MY HOMETOWN BUT I NOW LIVE AND WORK ABOUT 45 MINUTES AWAY.

INITIALLY I WAS NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM, BUT NOT REPULSED EITHER. WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON AND HE IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IN A MAN. I FEEL THAT THINGS WERE GOING A BIT FAST AT FIRST BECAUSE HE INVITED ME TO CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER AT  HIS MOM'S AND BOUGHT ME A DIAMOND NECKLACE FOR CHRISTMAS. WE SPENT NEARLY EVERY DAY TOGETHER BUT NOW, THINGS HAVE SLOWED DOWN A BIT AND ON OUR LAST date using Match.com WHICH WAS THIS PAST TUESDAY HE TOLD ME THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS. I AM 28 YEARS OLD, HAVE NEVER BEEN MARRIED AND DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN.

I DO NOT WANT TO WASTE TIME BECAUSE MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN IS WHAT I WANT ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE. I KNOW BECAUSE HE TOLD ME EARLY ON THAT HE WAS ENGAGED ONCE AND THAT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. I TOO, WAS WITH A MAN FOR 5 YEARS AND I LEFT HIM WHEN WE WERE ENGAGED FOR ABOUT A YEAR. HE CLAIMS THAT HE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS BECAUSE HE ONLY STOPPED TALKING TO HIS FIANCEE 6 MONTHS AGO ALTHOUGH THEY WERE NOT INTIMATE, AND THEIR ENGAGEMENT ENDED A YEAR AGO, HOWEVER THIS WOMAN LEFT HIM AFTER THEIR WEDDING INVITATIONS WERE ALREADY SENT. THIS APPEARS TO BE WHAT IS AFFECTING HIM THE MOST.

PRINCESS NELLY 2005..

Comments (4)

Your question was: If a married man has an active profile on Match.com is he chasing women?.

If your BF had told you early on that he was not looking for something serious you might not be where you are today..

By staying in touch with the ex, he contaminated your relationship (thru Match.com) with doubt.  This is why I favor clean breaks and none of this "friends" business that people love to latch onto after a break up.  There is no harm in being on good terms with an ex, should you run into him or her, and it makes life a lot easier...but no staying in touch, no getting together because people are not made of steel...emotions always come into play..

It is good that he and his ex have broken contact.  Technically you are 6 months behind from where you thought you were in the relationship...because of his continued contact with her..

It might be nice to have an open conversation with him about what he does want right now and if he feels that this humiliation (breaking up after the invitations had gone out) is what is holding him back..or if it was because he stayed in touch with her or if he just doesnt want a serious relationship (thru Match.com) right now.  You shouldnt have to pay for what he allowed to happen to your relationship..

Try talking to him before you make any hard decisions about the relationship...

Comment #1

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PROMPT RESPONSE. WELL, HE'S NOT REALLY MY BF, LIKE I SAID WE HAVE ONLY BEEN dating (online dating with Match.com) SINCE DEC 14 07 SO IT HAS BEEN ABOUT A MONTH. I GUESS HE STOPPED TALKING TO HIS EX ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO WHEN HE STARTED dating (online dating with Match.com) ME, SO HE HAD NEVER BEEN TALKING TO US AT THE SAME TIME. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE ABOUT ASKING HIM ABOUT SPECIFICALLY WHY HE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS. I HAD BEEN SHYING AWAY FROM THE WHOLE EX FIANCEE TOPIC BECAUSE I FELT LET'S JUST KEEP THE PAST IN THE PAST. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA ON HOW I COULD START THE WHOLE CONVERSATION BECAUSE I AM REALLY SCARED ABOUT TALKING ABOUT THAT STUFF.

PRINCESS NELLY 2005..

Comment #2

Eventhough he was not dating (online dating with Match.com) you during the time that he was speaking to the ex...it still puts him back in terms of his emotional availability.  Sorry for any confusion about timing. I thought you two were speaking when they were speaking..

You just need to ask him what he wants out of life right now.  The conversation will naturally bring you to the topic of romance and the two of you.  If he does not want a serious relationship (thru Match.com) because he needs to still get over that event, then you will have a decision to make..

 .

 ..

Comment #3

Sounds like your new man is still hurting and grieving.  He might not have expected to find someone so great right away and is scared.  Every good relationship (thru Match.com) is worth all the time it needs.  My best friend waited 5 years for her now husband to purpose.  She went through break ups and the works, but still knew he was the one.  I don't really recommend this. .

You admitted that he is not your boyfriend and you really want him to be.  If he's not ready then you have to accept that.  Just be sure not to wait around for him.  Keep yourself busy and try to date using Match.com other people.  The more we push for what we think we want, the more we get exactly the opposite. .

It's hard to be patient.  Remember that you want the man not just the relationship..

Good luck,.

Krist.

Kristie..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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