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I would like to know more about match.com.. how does itwork?

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My first question is: I would like to know more about match.com.. how does itwork?.

My next question is:  My boyfriend and I had been together for two years.  Well over about the past month our intimacy level dropped dramatically.  We still held hands and kissed, but the sex stopped almost completely.  Mainly because he was working crazy long hours, lots of homework for both if us (college students), and a lot of stress.  In addition I was letting myself go, I rarely dressed decently or wore makeup or did anything to make myself feel attractive much less appear attractive to anyone else including him.  Wehn we discussed it he agreed and we also agreed that we had simply started taking each other for granted.  We were too comfortable and had stopped trying and just let our relationship (thru Match.com) be.  That and the fact that we were always together, there was no time to miss one another or have anticipation of when we would be together again.  All of these contributed to our loss of sexual passion.  He was rarely in the mood (I can't blame him, I often wasn't either) and when we would try it would be at four in the morning and we would both be very tired and it wasn't passionate at all.  He came to me about a week ago and said how he didn't feel the passion or the butterflies anymore.  I told him that well for starters, when you've been together as long as we have there aren't necessarily butterflies anymore, that comes from the thrill of a relationship (thru Match.com) being new and exciting.  What we have is much more intimate and sincere.  We have true love, we see each other for all of our faults and flaws, how we truly are, and we love and value each other ultimately.  I told him that we just went for so long that it didnt feel natural anymore but it didnt have to stay that way, we should work on it, try to push past that barrier, make out with me or let me please him, something.  I said he may be very surprised by the results.  Well we didn't make it that far.  We sat down and talked a couple of nights ago, (there were a lot of tears) and we agreed that that there were some issues in our relationship.  We were together constantly which meant we werent meeting new people, we werent growing as individuals, etc.  So we made the hardest decision of my life and mutually broke up.  Honestly I cannot think of many couples who break up and then hug, kiss on the lips and say "I love you so much."  But we've left it open.  We want to take some time, step back, clear our heads and take the time to learn about ourselves and figure out what we want, develop interests, etc.  We have agreed to stay close (hang out together, study, etc) and we agreed that there is a good chance we may get back together down the road.  He looked me in the eyes after we made our decision and said "I will always love you, forever.  Part of my heart will always be yours."  We both said that if we did get back together it would be different.  We would take more solo time, hang out with friends, etc.  Because we realize that 24/7 together time just isn't healthy.  This has been the most incredibly painful thing I have ever experienced.  I am so glad we ended on such good terms, and the thought of being able to get back together is thrilling to me.  We both are keeping everything that we gave each other.  Honestly, the thought of being with someone else just doesn't work.  I feel in my heart that he is my soulmate, I have for a long time.  And he has said the same.  But for now, we both need time.  It just hurts so incredibly bad, I can't seem to stop crying.  Now when I see him I want to throw my arms around him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him.  But I can't.  Thats not what friends do.  And for now that has to be our status.  But the thought of the chance that we may not get back together breaks my heart.

I was just wondering if anyone has any opinions.  Do you think we have a chance?  Has anyone else gone through this?  If we do get back together, will we be able to get some of our passion back? (I think taking a break, not seeing each other nearly as much but still keeping in touch and seeing each other some, (and I have definitely started taking time for my self appearance wise again) will help tremendously.  I asked him otday and he said that I f we get back together then he thinks for sure our passion will be at least moderately returned..

Again, just any thoughts or advice.  I still get to keep him around but it hurts terribly.  And the thought of the chance that he may go find someone else destroys me...

Comments (4)

Your question was: I would like to know more about match.com.. how does itwork?.

Hi devoted4life2007,.

Welcome to the board!!!.

I don't think the two of you are on the same page.  It seems that you are giving more than he is.  Have you guys set boundries for this break up.  Is it okay for him to see other people and possible have sex with them?  You don't seem to want to do this.  If he's on the same page as you, then there is hope.  If not I'd say no hope!!!.

You can also meet new people and have new experiences together.  And it is okay for the two of you to have different interests.  My BF loves to rebuild old snowmachines.  I'm not mechanical.  But I go to his races and take pictures and take dinner to him at the shop once in a while.  I love to ski and he's a beginner.  He still come out with me once in a while..

Hope this helps,.

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Comment #1

A trick of the trade...always keep things fresh and new.  Since you both love each other...why cant you be together but live a new way of life instead of breaking up?.

Make an agreement to have a new style of relating.   Leave one day a week to do things with friends.  One day a month drive somewhere you both have never been, even if it is just a small town to explore together.  Experiencing new things together keeps the adrenaline and passion up..

Keep time open for hobbies that you can either share or not. .

Approach sex differently too.  Try new things..

However, BOTH of you contribute to the passion and excitement in a relationship.  So he needs to brush up on his passion skills too..

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Comment #2

We are on the same page..

We have agreed for now that we are just friends.  We have talked about it, and he wants to try new things.  He may find a new girlfriend, have sex with her, etc.  Do I necessarily like that thought?  No.  I still love him very much.  But he is free to do what he likes.  And it is agreed that I can do the same.  And I have told him that his happiness is my ultimate concern.  If I just want him to be with me and have no thought for whether thats what he wants then I am not loving him, I am being selfish.  I told him that I will do my best to happy for him no matter what happens, even if he has to find someone else to be happy with.  He has encouraged me to get out too, to try to maybe find someone and see if there was anyhting else out there.  The thought right now is still very difficult.  I still believe we are meant to be, and he has said that he thinks so but he wants to be sure, and I understand the desire to explore other things..

That was one of the main ideas here, that we are young and he wants to know if there are potentially other things there.  I understand, we both need to branch out.  The theory here is that if one or both of us finds someone and we realize that they just don't make us happy, that only reaffirms that we are right for each other.  Like I said he is encouraging me to look also, just to experience other things and see if we both find other things that make us happy.  He wants me to be happy so badly, and I know this, it is just that neither of wants to wonder whether there is potentially anything else.  I wondered a bit a while ago, and now he is.  I got over it, and he may too..

Bottom line, we are both free to do what we like.  We are leaving it open to getting back together.  I hope we do.  We talked tonight and I said I was still having a hard time, and he said he really was too.  BUT this is not the only reason we broke things off.  We were smothering each other and needed to take a step back.  I suppose it's rather complicated.   We broke up because we needed some space, to spend time with other people besides just each other and to see if down the road we can try again and see if we can learn from the mistakes we made this time.  But for the time we are free to see other people, however hard it may be, and see if there are other fish in the sea.  If down the road nothing else has sparked and we feel ready then we will try again..

Edited 3/10/2008 8:52 pm ET by devoted4life2007..

Comment #3

Glad you made sure of all this.  I didn't want to see you getting hurt more than necessary..

I do think this is unusal.  Just seems off to me for some reason.  I can't put it down in words, but something seems off.  Anyway... I wish you the best.  Even if dating (online dating with Match.com) seems wrong, I think it is okay to go out on a casual date.  Just be sure you keep it freindly..

Good luck,.

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Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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