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I was wanting to hear of any success stories using yahoo personals or Match.com etc... here in Houst

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My first question is: I was wanting to hear of any success stories using yahoo personals or Match.com etc... here in Houst.

My next question is: Hi, I'm new to the boards and looking for some advice.  I've been dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy for almost 5 months now.  He's divorced with 2 young children ages 6 & 9.  I have an older teenage child myself who he has met.  I haven't met his children yet but I would love to.  We talk about his children all the time and I make sure I include them in many of our conversations because I am truly interested in them and what's going on in their lives.  When I brought up the subject to see if he had a time frame in mind about me meeting them, he said that the other women he had dated previously didn't meet them.  From previous conversations with him, I don't think he dated the other women very long at all, I think I may be the longest relationship (thru Match.com) he has had since his divorce.  I quess my question is, is he just being cautious and taking his time deciding if I am the right one to meet his children?  Being a parent I had the same concerns myself in past relationships, I understand it is difficult introducing another adult into the mix.  Sometimes I feel like I'm a big secret to his kids, but all I want is to spend time with all three of them to see how he interacts with them and to see if we all would get along.  I think that is important to continue my relationship (thru Match.com) with him.  I'm over the moon for this guy and  I would like to integrate the kids into our relationship (thru Match.com) as well...

Comments (6)

Your question was: I was wanting to hear of any success stories using yahoo personals or Match.com etc... here in Houst.

>> is he just being cautious and taking his time deciding if I am the right one to meet his children?<<.

Yes, it seems that way..

Sometimes I feel like I'm a big secret to his kids, but all I want is to spend time with all three of them to see how he interacts with them and to see if we all would get along.  I think that is important to continue my relationship (thru Match.com) with him.  I'm over the moon for this guy and  I would like to integrate the kids into our relationship (thru Match.com) as well..

5 months isn't very long. Give it some time. Besides, 6 and 9 are a far cry from teenage years, so it's different for them to meet you than for your son to meet him. Also, he has to take a lot into consideration:.

Is he going to introduce you as 'daddy's friend' or 'daddy's girlfriend' (they may need some time to get used to the fact that daddy has such a close female friend). This also depends on how long ago he was divorced..

Is their mother the type to try to make your life miserable when you meet the children.

Are things going to progress, or will the children get attached to you and then you two break up. Yes, breaking up is possible in any relationship (thru Match.com) after any length of time, but parents often worry about their children getting attached to people who might not be around for long. NOTE: I'm not saying that you won't be around..

What is the custody arrangement? For example, if he only sees them EOW he might want to reserve that time with them just for them - at least until you have been around longer..

Trust me - as someone whose SO has a child, it's NOT easy. And any person who has been in a long-term relationship (thru Match.com) with/married to a parent will tell you that these are things a good parent will consider. The children have to come first. I know you're not a stepmother but I can direct you to the stepmothers board so that you can get a feel for how things went for many of the women there when they were still just dating (online dating with Match.com) dad. Some of the women there are not married to dad but they can still give you some insight. Click here:.

Http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppstepmother.

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #1

Cl_bajanbeauty is right - five months isn't a lot of time.  When the kids are the age his children are then waiting to introduce you to them is the right thing to do.  How long has he been divorced?  That could be another factor.  If it is recent then waiting is definitely the right thing to do.  I would just enjoy getting to know him first and then when the time is right you can meet his children.  When kids are involved a parent has to think for them too.  He is being a good parent by waiting and you should not take it personal at all. ..

Comment #2

Thanks for the link I will definitely check it out!  Thanks for the advice as well, what you told me is exactly what I have been thinking and being a parent I can understand where he is coming from that is why I won't pressure him into meeting his kids.  I think I just needed some reinforcement that he's just taking his time and is considering all the stuff that comes with starting a new relationship..

Actually his ex-wife and him have a pretty good relationship (thru Match.com) from what I understand.  From my perception and from discussions with him about his divorce I think it was a mutual agreement they got divorced.  I believe he's been divorced for almost 2 years now. Each of them have the kids for a week and they alternate.  I have been with him when she calls if she needs to change their arrangement if something comes up and he is very nice and respectful to her. Sometimes we had to cancel our plans because something has come up and he had to take the kids.  Those are the times when I wish we all could spend time together. But as far as the ex-wife goes, I don't anticipate she would cause any conflicts if I were to meet her or the kids. That has been in the back of my mind what kind of person the ex is, I never dated anyone with kids before so this is a new experience for me.  I've always been the one with the child and the people I have dated have not had kids..

I realize at any stage in a relationship (thru Match.com) if you have kids and something happens and you break up, the kids can possibly get attached and get hurt, I brought that up to him when I asked him if anyone he has dated before has met his children.  I said if I were to meet your children we should do it in a way that would not be intimidating for them, like doing an activity that we all can engage in rather than just me coming over to the house.  I told him that I don't want them to think of me as a threat of taking their time away from him.  I know they are young and you don't know what's going on in their heads, so I don't want to make them uncomfortable for any reason.  I respect that their well being is the most important consideration..

I'll just settle down and be patient, help to make our relationship (thru Match.com) grow and see what happens!!  Thanks again!..

Comment #3

Good for you trublueyes.  That is the exact approach you should be taking because children need to be introduced into a new relationship (thru Match.com) slowly.  It is the parents responsibility to protect their emotional well being and it sounds like your bf and his ex are doing just that. ..

Comment #4

No problem.

It's good that he and the ex get along well and that he doesn't badmouth her. Anytime a man badmouths his ex it's a bad sign. However, don't assume that it will be all peachy when you meet her. Exes can be very strange, especially when children are involved. .

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #5

I hear that!  I'll keep that in mind and I hope all goes well if I do get to meet her or the kids.  I don't want her assuming that I'm not good enough to be around the kids before they get to know me.  I'm not up for any drama but I know any relationship (thru Match.com) that involves kids and exes is not going to be totally drama-free. I just have to wait and see what I am willing to deal with as time goes on.  I'll post an update if and when I do get to meet the kids!  Thanks for everybody's support!..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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