Your question was: I was dating a guy who was always online on match.com...can he be trusted?.
Missy - you are making a mountain out of a molehill. ANY discussion about him taking her phone number or moving in with her would be a HUGE red flag for him. Why on earth are you jumping to this conclusion - has he given you reason to not believe him when he tells you he loves you and has no interest in anyone?.
You've posted previously about this being a 'good' relationship. If it's 'good' why so jealous? You either decide to trust what he says to be true or you don't. And if you don't, then you will find your relationship (thru Match.com) fraught with all kinds of unnecessary conflicts over stupid things and it will not last..
Thank you - I will let it go..
I am so jealous because I have had all this stuff said to me in the past by someone I truly loved and he was lying the whole time. He cheated on me numerous times and a couple of times with my sister..
The whole time, he was telling me he loved me, I was beautiful, I was the love of his life AND I BELIEVED HIM..
Come to find out years later..he was a manipulative son of a B......
But, I know I can't put all HIS mistakes on this new guy.
It is a good relationship, I am just scared a lot because I thought my other relationship (thru Match.com) was good too in the beginning so I'm always in "defense" mode now. But, I can't control life as much as I want to and if he is going to hurt me, he will no matter how many questions I ask..
The whole thing is I didn't want a relationship (thru Match.com) and didn't know how to say NO. I didn't want one because of all the crap I had going on when I was in ONE. .
But, I said yes to a date...it's been 2 years and I have fallen for this guy...and every sign shows he has fallen for me. .
Many times throughout this 2 years I have told him this is too difficult for me....and maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship. This is why...I don't trust, I don't love myself and I don't have the tools to do the right thing all the time..
But I am in therapy and I don't regret the good times this guy and I are sharing. Thank you for your advice. I'm going to let it go...but I have to be honest, the sick state I am in with myself, it is going to eat at me for a while..
You can't 'defend' and open your heart at the same time. Love is worth risking getting hurt over. You either make the choice to be brave and do it REGARDLESS of the past and possible outcomes or you don't. And if you don't - then at least make the choice to not date using Match.com other people so you do not cause yourself or others more pain.
He can't heal your past and he can't be responsible for it either. when you trust yourself to know what is real and that you can handle whatever life throws at you - then trust in others comes easily. It doesn't sound like you trust yourself very much. Work on THAT first!.
Exactly Toni - You hit the nail on the head..
My psychiatrist told me I don't TRUST myself and that is WHY I don't trust him..
I know the "Old me"....if there was a guy across the street that was good looking, I would be flirting with him to feed my ego. And if he asked me to rent a room, I would be telling my other half just to get a rise out of them. I would probably take the guys number for future reference if my current situation didn't work out..
And because I think like this....I think EVERYONE does. Like I said, I wouldn't do that stuff to this boyfriend because he hasn't given me any reason to not trust him. .
But, you are right, I don't trust myself....and I am working on it, but this sh*t (changing stuff) does not happen in 1 day..
Thanks again, enjoy the 4th. I'm just going to try and watch fireworks instead of causing anymore for myself and my b/f!.
It's funny to see that you dont trust you...and that is why you got all wound up about this neighbor and your bf. Reason I say that is because I have never done what you did but I would get bent out of shape about that proposal of a room because it is obvious she has other intentions and if he took her number then it would offend me. Funny is that it could go both ways...