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I was dating a guy who was always online on match.com...can he be trusted?

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My first question is: I was dating a guy who was always online on match.com...can he be trusted?.

My next question is:  .

My b/fs neighbor (fairly new neighbor) - nice looking girl around his age - moved in about 3 months ago.

When my b/f was telling her that he had to leave his house because it was being sold - she GRACIOUSLY offered him a room in her house to rent if he needed it.  He told me about this last night.  I freaked and said that I feel like that was a slap in the face to me...because she knows he has a g/f..

Anyway, we talked about it and he made me comfortable about his intentions - she is a neighbor, he is friendly, he has no desire to move in with her, he loves me very much, etc..

My new obsession is I want to ask him if he has plans on taking this girls phone number to keep in touch when he moves??   He has girls numbers from his past and they call him (he doesn't hide the phone calls)- just friends - and he had opportunity to date using Match.com them prior to me but has no interest.  He is a good listener and they call him from time to time, but a long time ago, he said he hasn't taken any more #'s since he met me..

I want to ask him if he has any intentions of taking this girls number when he moves and I want to tell him that if he is thinking about taking her number than I really need to re-consider my commitment to him.  Cause I have been asked on dates and offered numbers and my response has been that I am "flattered" but I am presently dating someone..

I want to tell him in a way that it doesn't sound like a THREAT (I'm having difficulty doing that).  Cause what I really want to say is...YOU take her number - than I from now on take other peoples numbers..

I just want to express that I feel that if he takes her number he is leaving himself open for future advances and if he takes the number he must subconsciously or consciously keeping his options open with this woman. .

Would it be irrational for me to ask this question?  Should I just let it go and see what happens?  I don't feel like I CAN let it go...I feel like I HAVE to know where this situation stands..

He's such a nice guy that I can see her offering him the number and him taking it....just not to make a big deal out of it.  My thing is, I want to hear him say he would take it for that reason and then tell me he would ditch the number..

Missy..

Comments (5)

Your question was: I was dating a guy who was always online on match.com...can he be trusted?.

Missy - you are making a mountain out of a molehill. ANY discussion about him taking her phone number or moving in with her would be a HUGE red flag for him. Why on earth are you jumping to this conclusion - has he given you reason to not believe him when he tells you he loves you and has no interest in anyone?.

You've posted previously about this being a 'good' relationship. If it's 'good' why so jealous? You either decide to trust what he says to be true or you don't. And if you don't, then you will find your relationship (thru Match.com) fraught with all kinds of unnecessary conflicts over stupid things and it will not last..

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Toni..

Comment #1

Thank you - I will let it go..

 I am so jealous because I have had all this stuff said to me in the past by someone I truly loved and he was lying the whole time.  He cheated on me numerous times and a couple of times with my sister..

The whole time, he was telling me he loved me, I was beautiful, I was the love of his life AND I BELIEVED HIM..

Come to find out years later..he was a manipulative son of a B......

But, I know I can't put all HIS mistakes on this new guy.

It is a good relationship, I am just scared a lot because I thought my other relationship (thru Match.com) was good too in the beginning so I'm always in "defense" mode now.  But, I can't control life as much as I want to and if he is going to hurt me, he will no matter how many questions I ask..

The whole thing is I didn't want a relationship (thru Match.com) and didn't know how to say NO.  I didn't want one because of all the crap I had going on when I was in ONE. .

But, I said yes to a date...it's been 2 years and I have fallen for this guy...and every sign shows he has fallen for me. .

Many times throughout this 2 years I have told him this is too difficult for me....and maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship.  This is why...I don't trust, I don't love myself and I don't have the tools to do the right thing all the time..

But I am in therapy and I don't regret the good times this guy and I are sharing.  Thank you for your advice.  I'm going to let it go...but I have to be honest, the sick state I am in with myself, it is going to eat at me for a while..

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Missy..

Comment #2

You can't 'defend' and open your heart at the same time. Love is worth risking getting hurt over. You either make the choice to be brave and do it REGARDLESS of the past and possible outcomes or you don't. And if you don't - then at least make the choice to not date using Match.com other people so you do not cause yourself or others more pain.

He can't heal your past and he can't be responsible for it either. when you trust yourself to know what is real and that you can handle whatever life throws at you - then trust in others comes easily. It doesn't sound like you trust yourself very much. Work on THAT first!.

Best regards,.

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Toni..

Comment #3

Exactly Toni - You hit the nail on the head..

My psychiatrist told me I don't TRUST myself and that is WHY I don't trust him..

I know the "Old me"....if there was a guy across the street that was good looking, I would be flirting with him to feed my ego.  And if he asked me to rent a room, I would be telling my other half just to get a rise out of them.  I would probably take the guys number for future reference if my current situation didn't work out..

And because I think like this....I think EVERYONE does.  Like I said, I wouldn't do that stuff to this boyfriend because he hasn't given me any reason to not trust him. .

But, you are right, I don't trust myself....and I am working on it, but this sh*t (changing stuff) does not happen in 1 day..

Thanks again, enjoy the 4th.  I'm just going to try and watch fireworks instead of causing anymore for myself and my b/f!.

Missy..

Comment #4

It's funny to see that you dont trust you...and that is why you got all wound up about this neighbor and your bf.  Reason I say that is because I have never done what you did but I would get bent out of shape about that proposal of a room because it is obvious she has other intentions and if he took her number then it would offend me.  Funny is that it could go both ways...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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