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I started something on match.com and i can't seem to get back to finish it can you help me?

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My first question is: I started something on match.com and I can't seem to get back to finish it can you help me?.

My next question is: I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years.  Until recently, I've never had a reason not to trust him.  Although it did take over a year for me completely trust him, I finally did (I've been in one other serious relationship (thru Match.com) with a man who betrayed my trust many times).  We have had other problems in our relationship (thru Match.com) though, mostly just personality and moral differences.  Our differences led to our breakup in February, but we are now back together.  We only lived apart for about 2 weeks, and during that time we talked on the phone everyday and I still spent quite a bit of time at his apartment and slept over a lot.  He eventually asked me to move back in and I did.  Things have been great since then, until recently when he left his email inbox open.  Naturally I did what ANY girl would do and I took a quick sneak peak.  I saw that he had emailed a girl who I guess at the time was a temp at his work.  He flirted a little, told her what a great personality she has and asked her out for drinks.  The email was right before we broke up, when we were fighting the most and we both thought it would never work between us, but keep in mind, even when we broke up we were still seeing each other, and we NEVER said we would see other people.  When I confronted him about it he told me that it was just a girl he knew in high school and he wanted to catch up.  I have never heard of this girl and I know it is a lie because he didn't meet her until she started working with him.  Also, he hates going to bars and practically refuses to take me anywhere to get drinks.  After a big fight he did admit to just plain asking her out, he said he didn't know why and it was while he was having doubts about us.  He said however that he's sure now that he wants to be with me forever and it will never happen again.  He never did meet up with that girl (she doesn't work there anymore anyway).  But the part that bothers me is that he emailed her more recently just to see how she is doing and say hello.  It's not like they spent any time together and became great friends, so why still keep in touch?  When I asked him that he said he didn't know, but I asked him not to do it again.  I believe that he hasn't talked to her since, but now I'm finding that I constantly wonder where he is if he isn't home. Why he isn't returning my calls sometimes?  What is he really doing when he goes to his buddies house?  Will he be unfaithful in the future?  I keep asking myself these questions that I've never asked before.  I also check his phone when I get the chance.  Don't have access to his email though.  What he did was small and innocent and I know that, but I'm still so paranoid and insecure.  I'm afraid I will always have it on my mind.  My question is how do I get over this?  I have been married and hurt and do NOT want to go through it again and be made a fool of.  If I stay I'm afraid I will always wonder and convince myself that he will do it again.  But I don't want to leave and miss out on what could've been the only guy that would stay faithful, cause it's really really really hard to find those.  What should I do????..

Comments (6)

Your question was: I started something on match.com and I can't seem to get back to finish it can you help me?.

I could tell you to trust the guy...but if your gut says not to trust him...then that is what you do..

I can understand him emailing this girl on the verge of your breakup.  But to keep in touch with her sounds like he likes to keep someone in his mind as a backup - you may be right not to trust him.  By emailing this girl who had nothing but romantic intentions toward..he is indicating he may not be as faithful asyou think...

Comment #1

After getting back into a relationship with you, there is no reason why this guy should be in touch with that girl again! It sounds to me like he is trying to keep his other options on reserve in case you do realize he is not trustworthy and leave him. Just my thought...

Comment #2

""Naturally I did what ANY girl would do and I took a quick sneak peak. ""Uh.. no, not what any girl would do. If the girl had trust issues, was not honest, not much self respect, then yes she would look.WITHOUT trust as part of the solid foundation of a relationship, YOU HAVE nothing worth having. Trust, honesty, respect are key ingredients for a healthy relationship, you don't trust him, you are dis honest with him (snooping) and you lack respect for him (goes back to the snooping). If you are not trustworthy, honest or respectful of him WHY should you expect him to be any of those things with you?It taking over a year to trust him, is that over something he did or something from your previous relationship? If it were a previous relationship (thru Match.com) issue then you did yourself him a dis-service (no one should pay for something someone else did), it is very draining emotionally to always have to prove yourself because of something someone else did, and relationship (thru Match.com) will not last with that going on.

I'm afraid I will always have it on my mind. My question is how do I get over this? "" Get counseling for yourself to work through the issues you have."" I have been married and hurt and do NOT want to go through it again and be made a fool of. If I stay I'm afraid I will always wonder and convince myself that he will do it again. But I don't want to leave and miss out on what could've been the only guy that would stay faithful, cause it's really really really hard to find those. What should I do????""The above says IMO that you are not ready for a relationship (thru Match.com) with anyone right now.

With those kinds of thoughts in your head, that is exactly what you will attract into your life (un-trustworthy) guys. Like attracts like..always has always will. Until you get your issues squared away with yourself and your marriage, you will not find a healthy happy relationship (thru Match.com) with anyone.It's not easy but it can be done. Take some time for yourself, work on yourself and your issues (get those in order) before trying to have a relationship (thru Match.com) with anyone. Until you stop painting all guys with the brush from your ex-husband, you are destined to not be happy with anyone...

Comment #3

No, he doesn't sound trustworthy.  He's lied to you, for one thinghow can you trust someone who lies to you?.

I don't think what he did was "small and innocent".  Keeping in touch with a woman he expressed interest in while the two of you were together?  No, that's not cool in the least..

He's broken your trust and he needs to do what it takes to get it back (which is really, really difficult and takes him being willing to live his life as an open bookdo things like SHOW you his phone and email voluntarily).  But he may not be capable of doing that because he's not trustworthy..

Sheri..

Comment #4

Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship (thru Match.com) and the two of you need to have a clear, open, honest discussion about where you're at, what is acceptable and not acceptable, etc.  What does he need to show you to earn your trust? Does he want to do it? And if he does can you let go of the lingering distrust underneath after a certain point?.

,..

Comment #5

I think you meant this for the original poster.  However, I think that if a guy is keeping his options open while dating (online dating with Match.com) you and misleading you to think that you and he are exclusive that he is having emotional affairs and is not trustworthy.  I dont know what he could do to prove to her that he is trustworthy - he is not invested in the relationship...

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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