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My first question is: I signed on to Match.com?.

My next question is: I met this guy on a ski trip with my university almost a month ago. We hit it off great, flirted the first night and by the third we ended up sharing a chair and talking for 4 hours. He put his number in my phone and by the end of the trip everyone noticed we were becoming an item. We talked via text message multiple times a day, by phone and by email...and were in contact everyday since we met. He was one of the people at a dinner party I had for my birthday, we spent 24 straight hours together on New Years and both said it was the best New Years ever (he said it first). He stayed up with me untill 4 AM the night before I had to leave for San Francisco (we both live in Ohio) for 3 months and we cooked dinner together that night.  He spent 3 hours online with me searching for a bike for me to buy last Saturday night ..

He'd basicly been amazing and more attentive than any other guy I've met... he called me amazing since the second day we met..

And then Monday he flipped out!.

He wanted to makes sure we were on the same page, that we weren't exclusive. He wanted me to know that he wasn't ready for a relationship.  He explained that he hadn't spoken to his ex at all untill recently and he was going to pick uo his stuff on Thursday(yesterday). He said that he had just ripped a girl's heart out and needs time to stop being afraid that he'll do that to someone else. We talked and I assured him that I'd not thought we were exclusive and that since I was going to be gone for 3 months we had time to take it slow. We got off the phone and he said that he would call soon. I've not heard from him..

(Background: I just got out of a 3 yr relationship (thru Match.com) in October and he'd broken things off with his gf of 5 yrs about 2 weeks before we met because "he could not longer see his children in her eyes").

 .

I'm thinking that he got scared. That his Ex called and in dealing with that the idea of us being together scared him. He kept saying how much timing sucked.

 .

I just don't understand how he could have put so much effort in when he knew there were so many obsticals (he met my crazy ex on the trip, and I was moving away in 3 weeks)...and then now he's just gone...we went from talking EVERYDAY, on his prompting...to nothing in 5 days.

 .

Thoughts? is he gone for good? or is there a chance he will come around after he's had a few days/weeks distance from his ex?.

I should just give him space, right?..

Comments (4)

Your question was: I signed on to Match.com?.

Gee, I have never experienced such a roller coaster ride within such a short period of time as you have just experienced..

I'd have to say that this guy is very selfish.  He dives in head first into a romance with you knowing full well how swept away you must have been by his actions - and then - just yanks it back.  Why?  Because it suits him or benefits him in some way.  You did nothing to cause him to behave the way he did..

Since you dont know the exact cause of his about-face (you know only the results - you are not the couple you thought you were becoming)  you can only piece together what he has said:.

1) "He said that he had just ripped a girl's heart out and needs time to stop being afraid that he'll do that to someone else." not a good sign.

2) " He wanted to makes sure we were on the same page, that we weren't exclusive." he wants to date using Match.com others.

3) " He wanted me to know that he wasn't ready for a relationship." wants to date using Match.com others.

4) " He explained that he hadn't spoken to his ex at all untill recently and he was going to pick uo his stuff on Thursday(yesterday)." maybe wants to date using Match.com his ex again.

5) "He kept saying how much timing sucked." not good.

All of the things he said paints  a picture of a man who does not want to date using Match.com you at this point in time..

As difficult as this may seem you need to move on and date using Match.com someone else.  He may contact you again, but why would you want to date using Match.com someone who could be so open one minute and then vanish the next?  He doesnt seem reliable or dependable enough to be anyone's boyfriend...

Comment #1

Why do guys get scared? and this one seems to have scared himself?.

I think that think that digs at me the most is that this is just such a 180 character change for him. I mean his best freind's girl friend had messaged me to say who excited they were to get to meet me when I get back and He almost introduced me to his sister but she got sick the night we were suppose to go out. And all of his friends and roommate that I met knew who I was b/c he had shown them pictures of me. .

AHHH boys! Aren't actions suppose to speak louder than words? why does this not seem to apply here?..

Comment #2

Well, you really dont know if he is scared.  It sounds like he initially threw caution to the wind and realized that he shouldnt have done that.  Maybe it is too soon after his breakup with the ex and he needs time to disconnect.  So many women have gone through what you are going through.  It seems that men dont care about igniting someone's heart and then just leaving it there in a pile of hurt because they were reckless and negligent..

His actions of late are that he hasn't called you lately.  That matches his words...

Comment #3

It sounds like a rebound relationship (thru Match.com) here. You're both of heavy, long term relationships and it's often easier to latch onto something new and exciting and fun to avoid the hard work of grief and mourning and recovery..

It sounds like he needs space but you do as well.  It sounds like this 3 month break is coming at a good time..

,..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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