I screwed up and I feel like an idiot

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Hi All, I'm back with another dilemma.  This time I screwed up in a really stupid way..

There is this guy who does pick up at our office every day.  A few months ago he 'hit' on me.  I had written here asking if he was interested or if he was just flirting.   I started to like him after and I know he was flirting with me.  I caught him staring at me a few times, and he would smile and stare at my eyes while we talk (I take those all as flirting/interest signs)..

Just the other week he mentioned something that involved 'his wife'.  He wasn't wearing a wedding ring.  Next day he basically hinted that he was available.  Or maybe I misunderstood and thought he was telling me he was available.  So that confused me and I was wondering is he married or isn't he??  After mentioning his 'wife', he also started getting more friendly towards me.  He was never inappropriate, just teasing, chatting and making jokes..

So I finally got up the nerve to find out but I asked him in a terrible way.  I asked him to go out - knowing that he was possibly married!!!! When he said hes married, I asked why he isn't wearing a ring?.

Please give me any feedback good and bad..

Edited 9/13/2007 8:14 pm ET by reggielicious..

Comments (10)

Your question was: I screwed up and I feel like an idiot.

Some men never wear wedding rings not because they're looking to cheat, but because they don't like jewelry and can't adjust to having something around their finger.

If you wanted to confirm he was married, you should have just asked him that. But now you know and can move on and find an available man.

Also, some men are harmless flirts by nature. Maybe he relaxed after mentioning his wife because he thought you would get that he's not available and any talk with you was just that talk...

Comment #1

Look the guy was sending mixed signals and he is married. He's the one who should feel embarrassed, not you.  After all at one point he broadly hinted he was available.  Just laugh it off and keep conversations with him above the waist from now on, but no need to dwell except would you have wanted to go out with him knowing he's married?.


Comment #2

See that is what I'm beating myself over.  I was too scared to ask him if he was married but instead I was stupid enough to ask him to go out...

Comment #3

I wouldn't have gone out with him if he was married.  I just wanted to know IF he WAS married but I did it in a horrible way.  He probably thinks I have loose morals..

Comment #4

I don't understand how you could be too afraid to ask him if he was married given you weren't too afraid to ask him out (which takes a lot more courage, in my opinion!)? But, regardless, don't beat yourself up about it.  Now you know and will act accordingly! He'll see you're not a woman of loose morals if you stop flirting with and focusing on him, now that you know without a doubt that he's married...

Comment #5

I know!  I was afraid that I would be too nosy asking about his marital status.  But it came out worse when I asked him out .  I know he probably thinks I'm an idiot especially since he already mentioned a wife.  I am beating myself up over this..

Edited 9/13/2007 8:52 pm ET by reggielicious..

Comment #6

And, why do you care so much what he thinks about you? The man is married, and that's it. Now you found out what you needed to know, so time to move on. I wouldn't go out with him in your situation. And, yes, some men are natural flirts, and it also boosts their egos when good-looking single women flirt back. Don't beat yourself over this guy. He is not your bf or your husband, so I don't see why are you freaking out about this so much. Good luck...

Comment #7

Okay so you didn't handle this one the way you could have.  I'm sure it is a relief that he is not an employee at your company and you dont have to deal with him if you dont want to.  I dont think it is important to care about what this guy thinks of you, after all, he a guy who leads girls on to think he is available, when  he isnt.  I know you are embarassed, but that will pass and now you have a better idea of how to handle this type of situation in the future...

Comment #8

Thanks for the constructive feedback.  I already feel better and I don't really care what he thinks...

Comment #9

My best advice: When in doubt, don't. And, 'believe' what someone says - like when he said 'wife' - it's up to him to set the record straight.Don't feel too bad. He LOVED your attention. Not cool considering he's married and all.....


Comment #10

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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