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I planning to go on match.com but?

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My first question is: I planning to go on match.com but?.

My next question is: I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy exclusively for 2 years (I am 33, he is 30). We are very much in love and we get along great. He has alluded to marrying and having children someday, but we have not discussed it specifically about us. He lives with his best friend and I live alone. We just don't get to spend the amount of time together that I feel we should for a couple of 2 years. It seems like we average 1-2 weeknights and sometimes the whole weekend, but that is even starting to decrease with football season here (ugh! football widow).

I was sure he is The One, but if that's the case, shouldn't our relationship (thru Match.com) have naturally progressed to a point where we are seeing each other every day or almost every day? It doesn't help that all of his close friends are single (no gf's), so I don't know if that plays any part in this. I am sure he loves me and I am sure he is faithful, I just need to know if we have a real future together and I need to see him more. Any comments or advice on this? I am determined to have the talk, just not sure what the best way is to go about it.... Thanks...

Comments (4)

Your question was: I planning to go on match.com but?.

Yes, if a man's friends are all single then he will be less likely to jump at the idea of marrying you.Should you have naturally progressed to a state of seeing one another more often? Not necessarily. Relationships take work, two people do not always want the same thing at all times and there will be times when you have to tell him what you want or what would make the relationship (thru Match.com) better for you. I don't know if it's the right time to discuss marriage too heavily if you don't have the time you want to spend together as a couple - you may want to take this one step at a time. My concern is that he would take "I want to marry you" as an exclamation that you enjoy the relationship (thru Match.com) as it is and don't need to spend more time together.Have you discussed living together at all? Just curious.Spice.Man has a great post in the Guy Talk board called "how to have the talk" that you may want to read...

Comment #1

Oh Jeez. I feel for you. If you truly believe he loves you, he wouldn't want to spend a night without you. Having single guy friends and living with one; that's not great news. How do you really know what goes on at night at his place. Do you really know him? Two years and he doesn't suggest moving in to see if you will be able to live together as a step forward.

You must live with your partner to know his bad habits and have the occassional fight and see what happens. Will he still come back to you after an argument or break up with you? These are the things you need to know about eachother before you get married. Sorry girl but it doesn't seem like he wants this relationship (thru Match.com) to work. A man who loves you wouldn't mind spending the nights, in fact he would want to spend the nights all the time. I think he has been seeing or maybe just having sex with other woman and this is his excuse for not spending nights together.

When I listen to my gut, I am always right and bet you anything he isn't faithful to you. You know, I hear people like you write the story that you wrote and one thing comes to my mind "if you are unhappy in any way with your guy, how come you stay with him". Is it fear that you are already in the 30's and by the time you find another guy and have a relationship (thru Match.com) and get married and have kids, you will be in your 40's and that is too late? Why do people always put a time on everything? What is meant to be will be. Don't ever force something on yourself just because of what people with say or think about you. Respect yourself, love yourself and be with someone who will treat you better than you treat yourself.

Guest..

Comment #2

Well, not in a putting pressure on him way it's fine to say look I just wanted to see if we're on the same page and explore goals, potential time frames, etc.  Express it would be nice to see each other more often, etc.  Just casually say you'd like to have this conversation and set a time.

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Comment #3

Please read the following "how to have 'the talk' with your man" post (written by a man ... on the Answer Man board):  http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlanswerman&msg=11654.47&ctx=0.

Basically, you're overdue for "phase 4" discussion ... and need to ask the three questions posed in the thread above.  .

Discuss it this weekend ... let us know how it goes.   You know, knowledge is power ... and the truth gives us the information we need to make an informed decision ... so, encourage him to be straight with you ... and even if you do not hear what you want to hear ... at least you will know, kwim?  And from there, you can make whatever decision you need to ...



Believe me, I know where you're at ... you're 33 and you know you're in your 'window' ... however, your BF is 30 and he may not be there yet ... but, as much as people will say otherwise and say things like "oh, you have plenty of time!" ... if children are a priority ... then, you need to know you are with someone who shares that priority and knows that he wants that to happen in the next few years.

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Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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