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I need someone to contact a match.com member for me. If you would be willing to help me, let me know

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My first question is: I need someone to contact a match.com member for me. If you would be willing to help me, let me know.

My next question is: I dated this guy last summer.  Neither of us had ever felt a connection like this before ever.  It was amazing, indescribable... But at the end of the summer, we had a falling out and then I had to go back to where I was from.  It sucked that it ended badly but deep down I think we both knew it wasn't really "over" bec we have such a connection we both felt that we'd know each other forever.  So that was August when we had a bad break up..

Fast-forward to December where he texts my phone saying hello.  I was very surprised.  We talked on the phone and he apologized for our break up and he said he freaked out quote.... "bec you got to close".  I was like, "I got too close?"  And he said, "Yah, that just never happened to me before where I met someone like u, felt like I'd known you forever even tho we just met and we got so close, so fast".  I didn't want to press it anymore bec he apologized and I was happy that we were talking again.  The months without him were hell.  So we decided to be friends.  .

So he and I have been talking alot since Dec till now on the phone, text, IM, etc  We chat for 4 hours a day sometimes.  If we're not chatting, we say hello by cell and it's very mutual.  If he doesn't hear from me, he'll contact me first..

I told him Ill be in his city again all summer and he just made a comment about the events that'll be going on..

He is not very flirty when we chat, but then he is very interested in anything to do with me and always asks me my opinion on stuff, wants to know very specific things about my life all the time, always wanting to know what I'm up to and then the next time we talk, he makes a point to ask, so howd that thing you were going to go, etc .

Another thing I should say is in this going-on-two months that we've been back in touch, neither of us has asked if we are seeing someone (I'm not).  For my part, I don't really want to know if he is.  Although, if he is, I don't know where he'd find the time cause it seems like if he's not physically at school, he is talking to ME LOL!.

So based on this behavior I'm wondering if there could be lingering romantic feelings from him.  Or if you have any suggestions on how I could get at that more, short of asking him, of course.. which I'm not ready to do just yet.  It does bother me that he's not more flirty, so it's kind of throwing me off.  But girls just like sweet talk.. His actions are saying alot and I know that's what matters... .

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Edited 2/6/2008 12:33 am ET by blairbear89..

Comments (14)

Your question was: I need someone to contact a match.com member for me. If you would be willing to help me, let me know.

It sounds like he has one foot in and one foot out.  When a relationship (thru Match.com) is right or works one party doesnt freak out and leave it because it is going well.  When someone does that they are realizing that what they are getting from the relationship (thru Match.com) is different than their agenda - so they take a break to reduce emotions..

If you want him to address you in a more sexy way you'll have to either tell him or role model it for him.  Do it to him so that he can understand what you want..

You should ask him about his dating (online dating with Match.com) relationships so you dont assume that you are BF/GF.  For the first few months of contact men are very attentive and then that attention wanes.  Not great, but it is the way things are.  You could be just FWB, so be careful...

Comment #1

Hi Blairbear,.

It's so nice when we have a connection like this and so hard to let go if/when things fall apart.  If you're not ready to ask him if he is seeing other people, I'd suggest that you assume he is.  You don't have an agreement, so he is free to date using Match.com around..

From what you say, he is giving those signals that all of us girls love.  Actions do speak louder than words.  He's afraid of commitment right now.  This is normal for all of us!!!!  Give him some space so he can decide on his own that he wants you for keeps. .

I do think that a direct approach is the best one, so you really need to decide if you can handle only being friends.  Otherwise - you can wait until this summer to see how he reacts.  Just be careful not to get into a friends with benefits situation.  You don't seem to want this..

Good luck,.

Krist..

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Comment #2

When we were together, we were in love.  so I dunno where all this friends with benefits talk is coming from, we would never be that..

But anyway it doesnt matter cause we were online today and he didn't say a word to me. guess he's "just not that into me".  oh wells.  : /   *bummed*.

Edited 2/6/2008 6:12 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #3

I was being cautious in regards to the friends with benefits.  If he's pulled back to figure things out, he will still like the sex, but still not be sure where he wants the relationship (thru Match.com) to be..

I'm sorry your bummed.  Stay really busy and find some friends to hang out with tonight..

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Comment #4

Well, I wont be seeing him until the summer, so not sure where the sex comes in.  this is not about sex at all.  I dont understand all these comments about it.  I'm not used to games.  I don't like them.  I dont believe in pulling back or whatever else, which does seem what he's doing.  that's what he did when we broke up - he pulled back cause he freaked out, he told me that when he apologized in dec.  I am very all or nothing.  either you like me, or you dont.  I'm so over his crap!  I'm not talking to him ever again...

Comment #5

I'm not all for this pulling back and forth, ignoring, freaking out ways either.  I truely believe men do these things to screw with our heads.  They turn women into nervous wrecks about whether or not they want them in their lives.  By the time they are done these women become mindless freaks who will accept anything that the game players want, just so long as they can have these men in their lives..

When it's right you'll be dating (online dating with Match.com) someone who will feel the same way - either you like him or you dont.  You'll see, you need to date using Match.com other men so that you can see how childish and ridiculous this guy is...

Comment #6

Thank you soooooo much!  ITA! I'm not going to lie, it still sucks.  I mean right now I'm down about it bec I was so happy to be in contact with him again and when we are in contact, he makes me so happy, but it is not worth a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Like I said, I'm not used to these games.  When guys have liked me, they have liked me full force and didn't go back and forth like this.  If he is confused then that's too bad for him.  I don't want someone who's confused about me anyways!  He can go f himself!  Let's see how he feels when he comes crawling back some time next week and he gets no response. .

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Comment #7

Just continue to keep things casual, non threatening and see where things lead.  How "bad" was the breakup? Also continue with your life, guys where you live, etc. Don't stop your romantic life 'cause you're hoping he wll be "the one."  Good luck.

,..

Comment #8

The break-up was baaaad!  lol  But he apologized a couple of months ago and I am past it.  Then we started to get close again, talking all the time - but non-romantic!  But I think bec he still has feelings for me (maybe?) he freaks out and pulls away.  It's just annoying and unhealthy for me, so I've decided I shouldn't talk to him anymore.  Oh and I've not stopped anything in my life - I never do that.   ..

Comment #9

" But I think bec he still has feelings for me (maybe?) he freaks out and pulls away.  It's just annoying and unhealthy for me, so I've decided I shouldn't talk to him anymore.".

Love is not supposed to make you anxious, it is supposed to make you feel good inside.  A rapport and a relationship (thru Match.com) are supposed to build up slowly - not go back and forth.  You are on the right track, good luck...

Comment #10

Thanx for the well-wishes!    I have to admit that is hard not to talk to him.. But I'm at 5 days (wait, who's counting..? hahaha) and going strong!  I pride myself on will power, so it won't be a problem, actually.  But ur so right on about anxiety and how love is supposed to feel good, etc - ITA!  The honest truth is that of course there are still feelings on my part, I can't just turn them off, it doesn't work that way.. but the other honest truth is that I totally deserve better than him!! So on to bigger and better things... : )  .

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Comment #11

Ok I'm especially feeling it today for some reason - it's really hard not talking to him! Grrr : /   Support needed! lol  I know it just takes time and I just need to get over this hump... blahhh..

Comment #12

Hold on you can make it through today!!!.

I'm glad you thought to contact someone else instead of him..

Make some plans to do something really nice for yourself tonight.  Maybe a pedicure?  You deserve it!!!.

Hugs,.

Kristie.

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Comment #13

Thanx Kristie!  Really, really you know it's so easy cause all I have to do is pick up the phone!  But it would be the wrongest move in the world, I know this.  Whats more is that I know he would answer and all of that but it would just be a cycle.. he's not ready to give me what I want.  It's so funny how a small communication - all it would serve to do is gratify me for like 5 minutes and some people need that so much that they can't help themselves and so they they give in bec your happy for whatever length the communication lasts.  But that's lame and I'm not going to do it!    ..

Comment #14


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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