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I just found my husbands profile on match.com. Is there any way to find out when it was posted?

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My first question is: I just found my husbands profile on match.com. Is there any way to find out when it was posted?.

My next question is: I met a guy recently and he told me that he has 2 children from 2 different women for which he didn't marry. Now he supports his daughters and sees them every other week and he speaks as if he loves them dearly, I believe he does. I havent asked him why the relationships with either woman didnt worked out in the long run but I'm concerned that he may have a fear of commitment.

He speaks very highly of his 7 y/o daughters mother but he described his 3 y/o daughters mother as the person who "gave the devil lessons". He told me all of this on our first date, needless to say I was shocked but didnt run out of the door screaming.

What are some reasons why a man would end up in this situation? Is it a fear of commitment or poor judgment on his and his ex's part for not using birth control? Is this a red flag in your opinion? I intend to ask him for more details about the relatiohsips he had/has with the ex's but I'm not sure if it's too soon to ask. We see each other once a week and he's very honest and open. He told me that he has made a lot of mistakes in his life, he's 36, and that after his 3 y/o was born he realized that he was living for more than just himself now. He's a good person, perhaps his daughters were a result of immaturity and carelessness....

I just want to be careful and am looking for some honest advice/opinions on his situation..

Thanks!!.

AMS .

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Comments (5)

Your question was: I just found my husbands profile on match.com. Is there any way to find out when it was posted?.

I think you'll have to wait and seeget to know him better before you're able to make a judgment about why he made the decisions he did..

I wouldn't infer fear of commitment necessarilythere may be good reasons he didn't marry or stay with either woman (it sounds like that's definitely the case with the younger child's mom)..

I'd be curious as to whether he now is very careful with birth controland why he didn't learn a lesson from the first time around.  But that's not something you can really learn right awayor rather, he can tell you things but only time will tell whether he's REALLY being open and honest and whether he's really made changes, or whether he's just trying to sell you on that..

Sheri..

Comment #1

Thank you for your response Sheri. I guess I just have to put my mind at ease and just come out and ask him about it all. The worst he could do is not answer my questions.

Now as far as birth control goes...I've joked with him about how fertile he is and I've told him that although I'm on the pill he will wear a condom. He's had no problem with complying.

 ..

Comment #2

A guy who does this to himself is a person who doesnt think before he does something.  It could be either out of a thrill of danger, selfishness (not caring about how a child would be raised), or a lack of insight as to what the future holds should things go wrong, or someone who doesnt care about himself...

Comment #3

Well I asked him about the last 2 relationships he was in and he was open to discussing them with me, which is what I'd hoped for!.

He told me that he was with his 3 y/o childs mother off and on for 2 years, "more off then on", and that it was a very rocky relationship (thru Match.com) and he knew that he never should have gotten involved with her because she was a rather mean person but he was attracted to her. He told me that when she told him that she was pregnant he doubted that the child was his because she spent the 2 years they were together cheating on him with other men. When his daughter was born he had a paternity test done just to make sure. He told me that he doesn't have any bad feelings toward her and that they get along well, even though she can be difficult to deal with from time to time. Apparently she has an older daughter from another man also..

He was in a 5 year relationship with the 9 y/o childs mother (I believe I said that the oldest child was 7 y/o in my original post, it turns out that she's actually 9 y/o). They lived together after 1 year of being in a committed relationship. He openly admitted that his behavior at that time was the reason why the relationship (thru Match.com) ended. He was selfish and irresponsible, spending a lot of time away from home hanging out with his friends and basically doing whatever he wanted to without consideration for her. He said that she finally had enough of it all after asking him over and over again to slow down and spend more time with her. .

After talking with him about everything I feel more at ease. Sure he made mistakes in the past, who hasn't, but he recognizes those mistakes and he's taking responsibility for his actions. The more time I spend with him the more I like the person he is. He's come a long way, he's respectful, honest, genuine, trustworthy and handsome I think I'll keep him around and see where it goes from here..

Thanks for your opinions!! .

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Comment #4

Hey ams, you really dont owe any of us here any explanation for wanting to date using Match.com this guy.  But, based on what you posted it seems as though he really didnt think about birth control (irresponsible - selfish) and maybe he doesnt mind having children from even the most "off" relationships.  Hopefully he has learned that birth control makes life a lot easier..

"He was selfish and irresponsible, spending a lot of time away from home hanging out with his friends and basically doing whatever he wanted to without consideration for her.".

The above statement reflects a man who really didnt want to be in a commited relationship.  Men who want to be with a woman want to spend time with her and include her in their plans.  Like you said, we've all made mistakes and we've all made mistakes with our relationships..

As long as you are comfortable and happy with the guy and he doesnt repeat his mistakes with you, then have fun!..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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