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I just found my friend's 'boyfriend' on match.com-should I tell her?

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My first question is: I just found my friend's 'boyfriend' on match.com-should I tell her?.

My next question is: Ive just started seeing an amazing guy that I'm crazy about. We have known each other for a few years now...My question is: Should it matter that he has slept around in the past? Hes 28 and claims to be over all that now. But it kind of bothers me. Especially because I know some of the girls. Hes always safe, so it's not about that.Am I just being silly?..

Comments (6)

Your question was: I just found my friend's 'boyfriend' on match.com-should I tell her?.

While the past is in the past, I can certainly understand how you feel - especially since you know the women.  Women can see men as sluts just as easily as men can see women as sluts - it works both ways..

Maybe you can make an agreement with him to not discuss his exploits with these women you know or any of his previous partners...and in return you would not discuss the details of your past.  That might help matters..

 "Hes 28 and claims to be over all that now."> time will tell, wont it?..

Comment #1

 I'd be willing to bet that since you haven't slept with as many people as he has, that it makes you feel insecure about YOUR own experience. Girls that have a lot of experience, have this same issue with guys that don't have as much experience. At least... for SOME guys. And... for SOME girls.



 Since he has experience, I'd bet that he knows a thing or two. I'd HOPE.

 I've known of guys that have slept with many hundreds of women, and are very loyal and committed to their woman. I believe that if a women is SECURE with who she is, her sexuality, then she wouldn't worry about how many women her guy has slept with..

 So... I get the feeling that there's a DEEPER underlying issue that you're not addressing. I'm not going to pry it out of you, so as long as you acknowledge you have these feelings, is a step towards resolving the bigger underlying issue..

 I'm not saying this is true, I'm just giving my own opinion from my own experiences..

 Z.

Z..

Comment #2

I agree that the past is the past - it's who he is now that matters. If you can't accept his past then it wouldn't be smart to get further involved with him. As Z said, when you are confident in yourself, a person's past doesn't create anxiety..

If he is a good guy and has shown himself to be straight up then it would be silly to hold his past against him.  PEople do things when they are young and immature - then they grow and change. Don't judge him what what he did years ago..

Toni..

Comment #3

Well he's just 28, it's not surprising he went thru a period of casual relationships. How long did this period last? And how many women were involved? How long ago was it? It's good he's communicating with you. Honesty is important..

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But this does tell you to take your time and get to know each other, see each other's longterm goals, relationship (thru Match.com) philosophies (i.e.: is he monogamous when he's in a relationship)....

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Comment #4

The past is the past.  He can't change that, his past has made him who he is.  If you can't accept his past as a part of him and judge him by his actions towards you  now then you need a different person to have a relationship (thru Match.com) with...

Comment #5

Thanks for everyones comments.I guess all that matters now, is that hes not sleeping around NOW while with me.Maybe I was just finding it strange because I nver went through that stage.Thanks again to everyone..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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