I just filed for divorce from my husband... I met him on Would you marry someone you met

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My first question is: I just filed for divorce from my husband... I met him on Would you marry someone you met .

My next question is: Well... I've been in so much pain for about 5 years now. I was married for 3 years, now separated, and soon to be divorced. My ex husband was very controlling and verbally/emotionally abusive. He would put me down by calling me many inappropriate names. It got worse once I got pregnant and especially once our daughter was born.

My ex started to look at porn more, he told me that I was ugly and he would rather look at other woman. He left many nights, telling me that he was going to pay for attention from other woman, and he wouldn't come home until 3am, while I was home attending to our daughter all night. It became so extreme that I couldn't take it. Between the abuse of him never happy with me and my body, telling me that I'm useless in this world. I was at a really low point in my life.

I became so jealous because I was so insecure about the way I looked. I would act out and get upset at him for not paying attention to me and "gawking" at others. Now that I finally got the strength to leave him, and I've moved on to a new me, and in a wonderful new relationship, I still get so jealous and think that my boyfriend isn't fully happy with me, that I'm not good enough physically and I act out. I get so angry inside because I want to feel confident like I used to just before I got married. He tells me that he loves me, he has feelings for me which is the big thing and he doesn't want me to change and he is happy with the way I am.

My bf and I went to a bike show and there were barely dressed models all over the men at the show and giggling and he started looking and looking more than I thought was a glance and I got upset because I don't think he's happy with me and that he wants something more. He says no way, but I don't know what to think because in my mind I think about my ex husband that hurt me so much. I don't know what to do at this point. It makes me so upset to think about it, but I want to move on with this wonderful relationship (thru I'm currently in. Any suggestions?? Please help me..

Comments (4)

Your question was: I just filed for divorce from my husband... I met him on Would you marry someone you met .

"looking more than I thought was a glance ".

If that is true then, of course you are going to be upset. That would be rude and inconsiderate behavior. I'm sure if the situation was reversed he would be peeved too.  Men tend to operate within given rules and parameters or codes of friendships with other men - also in their sporting games. when they dont live by those codes..things can get ugly and lines get crossed.  If you feel your bf commited a "foul" then he needs to be told that the way that you and he stay respectful towards each other is by living by a set of codes..

Your soon to be ex husband was extremely abusive to you - calling you ugly and saying that you are useless.  Have you received any counseling to help you overcome the damage?  If not, then maybe it would help in starting your new life with your current bf...

Comment #1

Sorry my dear but this relationship (thru will not work out and here is why.  You are definitely not ready for dating, let a lone a relationship.  You are not even divorced yet.  You have a lot of grieving and healing to do.  You are already carrying all the baggage from your marriage into this new relationship.  You need to stop seeing him, dont even date.  You need to get your self esteem back, get to know you and what you want, take care of your child, get yourself on track, and go through the whole process.  If you dont you will have an endless stream of broken relationships and will be wondering why.  This process usually takes at least a year or more, could be more for you since your marriage was abusive..


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Comment #2

Well I'm gonna disagree with the other posts..

A HUGE WELL DONE YOU!!!!! For getting out of that destructive relationship (thru - that takes a lot of guts..

The guy you are with now, sounds lovely.  I suspect that even a glance for a second would seem like too long for you - you have been programmed by your ex to react to ANY kind of glancing..

Models are models for a reason, it's their job to look fantastic.  If they don't do their job, they are fired.  Your b/f, who I'm am 1,000% sure loves you for who you are, is a human being.  I mean, even I look at a pretty girl if I see one and think to myself 'she's lovely' and I'm a girl..

I think you are a lovely person who has been treated appaulingly by your ex.  Therefore, I really think some counselling for yourself will help you to put the past where it is and will also help you to understand that your ex was full of Bull Sh*t. .

Him saying you were fat and ugly was lies.  You need help I think to accept that..

Then you will be able to believe your guy when he tells you that you are all he wants - I believe him!.

Good luck and enjoy being togetherGoldie..

Comment #3

IMO I agree with the majority here , I was in a an abusive relationship (thru as wellI was according to him the Mayor of Obese City ( I'm slighty over weight ) which is funny I wasnt when I met him I was useless and everything was my fault He even said no one else would want me that I was lucky to have him !! , anyway this went on for 8 years I finally left him about a year agoI had the same insecurities as you until I sought professional helpYou need it , a year later I'm healthy, losing wieght and am able to step into a healthy relationship (thru without taking the baggage with me. Pls for your sake seek help it will make a world of diffrence and you'll project a better you that will make you feel awesome !!.


Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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