I have an admirer on Yahoo personals, but I'm signed up to how can I contact her?

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My first question is: I have an admirer on Yahoo personals, but I'm signed up to how can I contact her?.

My next question is: Been seeing guy for close to three months now. See each other 2-3 times a week, talk/text every day. Both in 40's, divorced, both have teenagers.A couple of weeks ago, he told me he wasn't ready to make a commitment, make any promises. He talks about how he loves that I have no expectations. Yet the other night, made a comment about how I am too shy with him, that I don't open up to him. Now I am confused.My thoughts: no expectations means, to me: I am not going to change him, don't want to change him, like how things are going as far as time together and contact.But if he wants no commitment, I don't want to get more emotionally involved.

I felt angry that he wants no commitment but he wants more from me. I fell asleep immediately that night and when I woke up, he had texted 2 times and tried to call three. He was annoyed with me the next day, but I feel, again, he wants it both ways...close but not close.Today I am going to speak to him about this. I know men hate the commitment talk, but on the other hand, if he wants more from me emotionally, I don't feel he has the right to control the relationship (thru status.Any thoughts?..

Comments (6)

Your question was: I have an admirer on Yahoo personals, but I'm signed up to how can I contact her?.

Tell him what you just posted.  He doesnt want a commitment yet he wants you to open up more. Let him know it doesnt work that way...

Comment #1

I would just tell him straight up that the reason you don't feel comfortable opening up more is because you need to keep a bit of emotional distance since he doesn't want a commitment.  He can't have it both ways is exactly right!.

I had a somewhat similar experience with a guy recentlyhe kept saying he didn't have time for more than a casual relationship, which I was ok with, but then he would call me and ask me to do "girlfriend-y" type things for him.  I was like, dude, you don't get the benefits of being treated like my BF without the commitment.  He didn't like that much but too bad!  The times that I did do the things he asked of me, I felt really resentful so I finally put my foot down and I'm glad I did because I would have felt much worse when it ended if I hadn't done so..


Comment #2

HOn - it sounds like you won't be fully open to him unless you know he will commit. Men, however, won't fully commit to a woman who is not fully open.  Its a catch 22 that leaves everyone unhappy - and it doesn't work..

There are no guarantees. He said he is not ready to make a commitment and that you are 'shy' - which means you aren't open and free and just yourself with him. That stance will never inspire the feelings in him that would make him believe you are someone he can't live without. Yes, you might get hurt - but only by being fully open to love, can you actually GET love. YOu aren't..

Unless you are willing to let down your defenses in spite of the unknown here, you may as well end it now. Otherwise, you both will end up frustrated and hurt. If you don't think he and athe possibility of a relationship (thru is worth giving 100% to, then end it. If you do, then do it afraid..

I think he is giving you clear information - being guarded and self protective is not going to inspire long term feelings in him.


Comment #3

You need to find out more - like what does he mean specifically about opening up?  Is it more about relaxing and being yourself or is it more about discussing needs and wants from the relationship?..

Comment #4

Your feelings are telling you something, that something is not right and something about this relationship (thru is not good for you..

In one way it's nice to be a "low maintanance" woman but I don't think we should be too low.  I think being too low maintainance means we don't require enough from a man to be with him.  It shows too low self-esteem..

Maybe in a very sweet and undemanding can say that you don't want to sleep together unless you have more of a commitment..

I am not sure how to proceed about his comment about you "not opening up".  One thing is true with many women, it's hard to open up totally if we are not feeling secure and safe so I am not sure if that is fair of him to ask unless he gives you some kind of safety..

Whatever you it in a non confrontational, sweet, light way....but be firm, for yourself, your self-esteem and your future.


Comment #5

IMHO, he told you all that you need to know. He wants to stay around for the sex and maybe companionship on some level but he wants you to be clear that - and I am sorry to say this - he doesn't want anything serious and long term with you. The 'open up, shmopen up' stuff is all... blah blah and is of no importance. What he really is saying is that he will settle for you until and unless someone else comes along - someone who's a better fit as a woman and a person, someone younger/taller/slimmer/prettier/interesting/baggage free etc etc - it could be anything. I have to say that at this stage in a r-ship he doesn't owe you anything and he has been honest about how he feels.

MHO. I'm sorry that you are going through this...

Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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