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I guess that might be a turn off for him

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I like a guy who I met thru a mutual friend just like 2 months ago. I know it is too soon but he at the moment he seems a nice guy, of course I wont really know who he really is until we get to know each other more. Since we first met, we have not gone out again; our contact has remained purely over IM thru the internet.  We both have each other cell phone numbers  Lately over the IM he has told me that he has seen our mutual friend lately (our mutual friend is a lady) for work reasons at some work events (but they dont work at the same company). On those IM he has told me that we have to go out sometime and have some drinks, that was 3 weeks ago and so far nothing has happened. Today he sent me IM again and told me the same thing and he added that perhaps he will organize something to have some drinks and he will let me know. But there is a problem with me.

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This guy lives in another city, I mean like 45 to 1  hour away, but what he does not know is that I dont have a car I think he assumes I do have one.  I dont know but I guess that might be a turn off for this guy by me not having a car. I mean I do want to get to know him better but I can assume this guy wont like the fact that if he keeps inviting me to things, he wont like or be attracted to the idea of picking me up everywhere we go, knowing he lives like 45 minutes away from my house and I mean what if the going out is at night?? I wont go by bus or call a taxi to the place (bar, club, etc) it is a bit embarrassing at my age and can be dangerous. Im in my 30s..

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How can I let him know I dont have a car but I hope that wont be an obstacle for me to going out if there is something planned?..

Comments (4)

Your question was: I guess that might be a turn off for him.

Hi,.

Firstly let me just start by saying that if this guy really likes you then the fact that you have no car shouldn't be an issue at all!.

Why don't you arrange a lunch date using Match.com and you could get the train during the day?  Don't be embarrassed that you don't have a car, that's what public transport is for..

Or you could arrange for him to come to the area you live for a drink then it is him who has to worry about transport..

Most importantly if think that you and this guy should get together then arrange something quickly!  You don't want to go on just meeting on the internet for so long that he just consider you a friend and starts asking your advice on him dating (online dating with Match.com) other girls!.

Kate x.

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Comment #1

If the guy likes you, it shouldn't matter to him  whether you have a car or not. If he has a car and he likes you, trust me he won't mind picking you up. If it's something during the day, you can take the train or bus to meet him half way. Don't let him feel like he always have to come and get you, if he has to do all the work. That will be a turn off...

Comment #2

It depends on why you don't have a car, I suppose.  If you live in a city (like NYC or SF) where a lot of people don't have cars or drive then ... sure, that's understandable.   But, if you don't have a car because of some sort of trouble you were or a DUI or something like that then ... that's not good.  .

I disagree with the gals who said that if he likes you, he won't mind.  While that is idealistic and what we'd LIKE to believe, it's not reality.   .

Let's say the shoe was on the other foot ... and you liked a guy in his 30s who didn't have a car ... many women here would be saying "well, what's wrong with him?" ... but, as a women, the guy is expected to step up the plate and not mind?????   Me thinks not.  ..

Comment #3

You tell him exactly that - you don't have a car but hope that this won't serve as an impediment to getting to know one another.  Good luck..

,..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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