I am rusty on dating

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I am new to this message board and I am new to being single again so I am rusty on the do's and don't's....Here is the story...I talk with this guy on the phone just about everyday for work, we flirt a little here and there. Well, I just got out of a 6 year relationship (thru which I was engaged. So anyways back to the guy I have a crush on, we start emailing and then we finally meet. There was some attraction, we made out almost the whole time. Well, he tells me a little about himself, he just ended a 4 year relationship (thru and was also engaged. He also said that he is guarded and likes to be alone alot of the times.

Basically I gave him oral sex, I do not know why. I am attracted, and our conversations were about how we turned each other on. This happened this past Sunday, we do not talk on the phone outside of work or communicate. Here it is Tuesday and he is to busy to chat on email. I am not the type to call and keep emailing, I don't know what to do, I feel he is being stand-offish and weary..

Comments (12)

Your question was: I am rusty on dating.

Do you think he is blowing you off because you were intimate? If that is what you are experiencing the only thing you can do to recover is to just cut your losses, move on and realize that in this new and unimproved dating (online dating with world kisses are not promises. If you see that someone does not invest his off time to you with conversation and dates then chances are good he is not looking for a relationship, more like something casual.If he does contact you at some point you may want to make your boundaries clear and what you expect from a man who wishes to date using you. Because...guys like this can cycle back into your life in about 3 months..which is the time he may feel you need to get over this hurt and be back for more intimacy. Then, he'll back off again and come back again, and so on. That is a particular type of "dater". The trick is to not fall for his charm or get involved in any type of personal conversation with him.

That is, if dating (online dating with is what you want. If you do just want sex, then maybe an office romance is too close for comfort for you. If this guy is so cowardly that he couldn't address the situation then he is not right for you or anyone...

Comment #1

Yes it sounds like he has no intetion of being anything more than a play toy so to speak. I was seeing a guy who sounds a lot like the guy you are seeing. He is always to busy to talk to me usually, so I just asked him what was up and he told me that he liked what we had and that is all he wanted. Men are confusing but don't get your feelings hurt, get the guts up and ask him. Trust me it's the best thing to do, to spare yourself wondering when he is not worrying and out having fun. Trust me you will be better off and yes dating (online dating with isn't all that easy and it may take to time find mr right. But don't stop believing and mr.right will come along!take care..

Comment #2

I know this is some tough stuff, this dating (online dating with crap is just about for the birds. I don't know, I am 30 yrs old and he is 25 and is in school to be a lawyer and has finals this week. So I thought about giving the benefit of the doubt, but then again. I don't know if he was just using me, I know at one point during the whole thing his hands were trembling and shaky. Like a part of me feels he is holding back. I get mixed signals, shoudl I just leave it alone and see where it takes me or just cut my losses and don't give the time of day again. But of course there is that little voice.....Lord mercy!!!..

Comment #3

Yeah know it's so much easier to think that it just must be that he is busy. Whatever, I thought the same way for about 6 months and I got nothing out of it. Just a bunch well I don't really have time to talk to anymore. Which aka means I don't have time for you, yes you are fun to fool around with but that is it. I'm waiting for something better and I know that you will wait and come around again,(that is what he is thinking about you)! I know it sucks but you might as well cut your loses, look the only way you are going to meet mr.right is by getting rid of mr. yesturday okay! Just do it for you and all the other women who fall for that guy.

Cut it! later..

Comment #4

You are not going to know anything for sure unless you have a conversation with him.His hands were trembling during the oral sex? That's unusual. Do they shake when he holds a pen in his hand? If you feel strongly that there has to be some explanation for his behavior, then check it out. I'm sure having law finals this week is what is on his mind right now, but that doesn't excuse rude or cowardly behavior. Make sure he understands that...

Comment #5

I know I need to have a talk with him, but I am not ready for a relationship (thru neither. I guess I just want to have some fun for awhile and enjoy being single before I plundge back into a relationship. I think I need to do some healing first. Plus he just got out of a relationship (thru too, so maybe just having fun together is all we both need right now.His hands were trembling while we were kissing, and I asked him why, of course he said it was me doing that to him. Thank you for the advice, I think I just need to have fun that is all and then see where it goes from there...

Comment #6

Alright..then you know what you want. and you know what you need...which is to heal.Have fun!..

Comment #7

The two of you just ended long relationships and it's probably wise on both sides not to get involved with someone in a serious way so soon.  He wants to maintain his space right now and that doesn't sound like a bad thing.  It's tough to separate physical intimacy for an emotional commitment but the two are not always necessarily linked.

I think you need to relearn who you are with out a partner, make new friends, indulge in new activities - and start dating (online dating with on a casual level perhaps but not hot and heavy.  You want to avoid a rebound.  The most important person with whom to have a relationship (thru right now is yourself..


Comment #8

Hey, The best advice I have is read the book Girl he's just not that into you". It will help you figure out what to do.. Good luck,..

Comment #9

Yes do what you need to protect yourself and do what is best for you long-term.  You set the rules and boundaries, not him.  He can only hurt you if you follow his lead and agenda. And yes, office relationships can be dicey.  Good luck.


Comment #10

I think you intended your post for Inhaynes and it came to my email instead...

Comment #11

Apparently all he was after was a sexual stimulation. men think differently then we do. he probably thinks you just wanted to provide the sexual stimulation. if I were you I would play it cool and act like you're going on with your life. the cooler you play, the more intrigued he will be...

Comment #12

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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