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I am on match.com need advice on this?

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My first question is: I am on match.com need advice on this?.

My next question is: Quick background info: I am a single mother of a 10 mo. old boy (FOB out of picture since I became pregnant).  Just over a year ago, my old HS boyfriend got in contact with me.  We went on about one date using Match.com a month since June and since Nov we see each other regularly.  He's divorced, but just started talking about us maybe having a future together one day.  Problem is that he can't "reconcile" himself with my student loan debt.  I went to college and grad school and pay my bills every month, but he's freaking out about them.  He has no debt as he comes from a wealthy family and his father paid cash for his education.  He said he doesn't think he makes enough money to marry me (he makes about $90k/year now, debt-free, no mortage, no car payment).  I don't have a problem with his income, so what does he mean? Is he implying that he couldn't afford my loan payments if he married me? .

I just would like him to mellow a bit, and I've tried to say that tactfully.  I think we're too early in dating to be so serious and I just want to spend time getting to know him better and having fun together.  He, however, is obsessed with my debt!  It's all he talks about these days! I'm getting frustrated and a little insulted.  I am responsibly paying them down (albeit slowly), so why the fuss? .

Is there something I can say that gets my point across that I no longer want to discuss my finances (probably shouldn't have said anything in the first place, but I didn't think I had anything to be ashamed about) and that at this time I just want to enjoy our time together? Or am I wasting my time on a money/credit-obsessed guy?.

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Comments (5)

Your question was: I am on match.com need advice on this?.

The guy is a total jerk and loser, dump him..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #1

Lol This guy sounds like a weirdo.  But I guess it;s understandable if he has no concept of debt whatsoever then he will panic if all he's known his whole life is no debt.  I'd just reassure him that I can handle my own business. ..

Comment #2

>> I don't have a problem with his income, so what does he mean? Is he implying that he couldn't afford my loan payments if he married me? I think the above is what he is probably having issues with...that if things get serious and you get married, you'll expect him to make the payments rather than continuing the responsibility for paying them yourself. Just reassure him that you know that your loans are your responsibility, and you'll continue to work until they're paid off regardless of whether you're married or not. He sounds very pragmatic, so once he knows what's what hopefully he can relax and enjoy your time together!..

Comment #3

He sounds self-absorbed and immature. I'd tell you to tell him that your debt is none of his business but it seems you did that already. I could be wrong, but he might be assuming that because you're a single mom, you can't pay off the debts. The thing is, you seem to be doing what you need to pay them off so the reason he is bringng it up is unimportant. He's out of line. Make him understand that you can handle your debt (and your baby - it's only a matter of time before he starts in on your financial commitments there too) by yourself and that the next time he brings it up, you'll walk..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #4

You all have been very helpful and given me some great insights! Thanks! Now, I just have to pick my words...

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Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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