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I am 18 and really want a gf, i have tried vainly in clubs n i dont know many girls, is match.com wo

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My first question is: I am 18 and really want a gf, I have tried vainly in clubs n I dont know many girls, is match.com wo.

My next question is: Once the love of your life passes away, is life over? The only person who was completely compatible with you in every way is gone. You have lost not only your lover but your best friend, father of your children and soulmate. Sure you have your kids to live for but what about "you". Will "I" ever find this kind of love again? Is it possible to find another man who can be my soulmate or do we only have one in this lifetime?..

Comments (12)

Your question was: I am 18 and really want a gf, I have tried vainly in clubs n I dont know many girls, is match.com wo.

I don't believe that love is finite, or that two people are destined to be together (we always end up wrong about predicting destiny!). It is only my opinion... But I believe someone becomes your "soulmate" when you have established a connection and a powerful love between you. The death of one soulmate does not mean you will never find another. It also doesn't mean that your first soulmate truly leaves you, the way someone leaves you after a breakup - he is still the love of your life and finding a new soulmate does not mean you are giving up on that love. It will be with you forever.This sounds personal to you even though it was posed as a theoretical question... I absolutely believe you can and will find someone if your heart wants to find someone again...

Comment #1

I too think this is about you and I am sorry for your loss.  How long as it been since you lost your soulmate?  That would be helpful to know because maybe you are not ready to join the dating (online dating with Match.com) world..

Hugs.

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #2

 I was taught that a soul mate are usually those people that challenge you the most. A soul mate isn't always the person that thinks like you, acts like you or has the same needs as you. A soul mate is the one that tests your inner being, so that you become a stronger being..

 I also don't think that love is finite, like eggbert has said. If your husband was your soul mate, love is not limited to one person. Now... if you believe that you're limited to just "one," then I believe that will be your reality. On the other hand, if you truly believe that love is infinite and that there are many many soul mates out there, then... that also will become your reality..

 So let me ask you, womanguest, do YOU believe there's a soul mate out in the world for you?..

Comment #3

It has been 5 months. I was 8 months pregnant with our son when he passed. I feel lilke half of me died with him. My heart is empty. During the time that I spend with my daughter (3years old) and son, I don't think of him as much because I enjoy them. However, when the kids are asleep, I can't fall asleep.

I think of him every morning when I wake up and there has not been a night that I don't cry myself to sleep. I have dated many men before I married my husband and had one serious relationship (thru Match.com) before him but when we met, we both just knew the search was over and it wasn't even like we we searching. I met him as I was having coffee in a cafe. I am 29 and I thought my life was on the right tract. God does things for a reason.

I don't intend to date using Match.com any time soon. I definately don't intend to go out to clubs or outings for the purpose of finding a guy. My only question was whether or not someone out there was or is in the same boat as me and has found love, true love after the passing of their spouse? Were they ever able to love all over again and not compare the new person in their lives to their dead spouse? Is it possible what someone had said is true? That we choose our soulmate; that soulmates are not somebody that is put on this earth for us to run into and meet?..

Comment #4

I don't know. That is why I started this discussion. However, one person made me look at soulmates in another level. I felt like a man and woman are destined to meet and spend the rest of their lives together as soulmates; like God had already selected who this person would be for you. Now, I am thinking, maybe we do actually make the decision on whether a man can be our soulmate. I guess only time will tell...

Comment #5

Hugs to you, I am so very sorry for your loss.  It is still very fresh and you have a lot of grieving yet to do.  I can understand your feelings.  Time is a great healer and how much time is different for each of us.  You will always love your hubby, but I truly believe that has time passes, when the time is right for you, you will find another to love.  That does not mean you will love him any less or any more than your deceased hubby.  When you have allowed yourself the grieving and healing process then you will not carry your feelings into your new relationship.  May I suggest grief counseling, maybe through your church?.

Here is a link to a bereavement board here at IV, the ladies there may be able to give you better answers since some of them have experienced the same loss..

Http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhgrief?ice=ivl,searchmb.

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I hope this helps you some.  Best of luck to you..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #6

No one can ever replace a lost love, obviously, but knowing we can love deepens us in a way that makes us more open to meeting someone with whom we can share a different, and still very fulfilling relationship.  But it's important to give oneself time to grieve and process the loss before trying to find a new partner. .

,..

Comment #7

My current boyfriend is my soul mate.  ive had boyfriends before him and I never thought that about them ever, even though I loved them. this one is different..

I do think that you can have more than one soul mate and it doesnt have to be a romantic person.  I consider my best girl friend a soul mate as well...

Comment #8

In some ways there could be a fear that you are being "disloyal" to your late love by finding another "soul mate."  In reality it's a testament to how much you can love and give love. .

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Comment #9

Yes people come into our lives to teach us something - even though sometimes we dont want to hear it!.

,..

Comment #10

I believe a 'soulmate' is a person, male or female, that both challenges and/or inspires us to become a better person.

Consider long term business partnerships that flourish - they complement each other so well that together they can move mountains. The same can be true with a love relationship (thru Match.com) - but that person could also be meant to help you grow into a better person with some hard lessons..

I don't buy into 'just ONE' person for us to love - there are far too many people who are well matched to others - the situation and opportunity has to be there. WE have the capacity to love many people deeply truly and passionately. It is our circumstances and opportunity that dictate how long we get with each person. I do believe that people are in our lives for a specific reason and season - and when it's time for us or them to move on, it happens.  This is a change most people hate but is just a part of the cycle of life - every new beginning comes at the end of something else.

I know you are in pain. You will find love again - when it's time and your heart is open again.  the love you shared with your DH will never leave you. That is the beauty of love - LOVE itself never dies - access to the person you shared it with, though, can and will end at some point in life.

Hugs,.

Toni..

Comment #11

Hi Woman guest,My mom lost her soulmate, her husband, my dad, when she was 33 and I was six. I tell you this so you know the perspective I'm coming from. I am so sorry for your loss and it must feel insurmountable at times. And there you go keepin' on keepin' on. Remember you have kept going when you doubt if you can, you know you can. You are.If you want to meet another soul mate you can.

My mom is now in her late 60's and has had two real loves after my dad, one was another soul mate, I believe - he died too. She wants love in her life but has consciencely (sp!) chosen not to get married because she's never wants to feel that hurt again like she did when her husband died. She may have played it "safe" all these years. I think that this choice has really limited the love possibilities in her life. She's been alone again for years now.

If you want one you can find one. Soul mates have a way of finding people who are open and ready to meet one. Life is nice like that.I hope this helps,WT..

Comment #12


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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