How young is too young???? Pls help :(

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I'm 27, currently single but I've had long term relationships (longest 6 years). Im at the point in my life where I am ready to settle down and maybe get married in a couple of years.I've been single for almost 3 years now. Ive met good guys here and there, including successful men in their 30s, but basically no one has made me happy, I didnt feel the chemistry with any of them.I was away on vacation a little while ago, I ran into a bunch of friends from back home, they're a group of guys who are between 28-30, didnt think much of it. One of the guys and I pretty much fell in love overnight, we clicked instantly and everything was just perfect, we ended up spending the rest of the week together. I later found out he is only 21!! The youngest of the group! He didnt want to tell me at first because he didnt want to scare me away. To be honest, I wouldnt have known because he seems very mature for his age (plus he was hanging out with men my age and it didnt seem like there was a problem).We're back home now, it has been a couple of months and we are still "together".

He is honest, sincere, a man of his words, just all around a really good guy with a good head on his shoulders. I can talk to him about anything.Now, he is 21 and I'm 27, is that just way too young? I know 6 yrs difference isnt that big of a deal if let's say maybe I were 35 and he was 29 (or if I were a man which is more socially acceptable?) He is the sweetest guy I've met in the longest time and I really dont want to let him go, and if this lasts, maybe one day the age won't really matter that much anymore Im hoping....but I'd be lying if I said his age is not a problem. but really, what am I doing????!!!..

Comments (9)

Your question was: How young is too young???? Pls help :(.

I don't see what is wrong with your scenario, but what IS the problem? You listed a bunch of wonderful things about him. I have dated 21 year olds and I'm not going to tell you how I was when that happened, hehe. There are some relationships in my life that have to remain private and to give my age away at the time we slept together would give the person(s) away (potentially). But, if I was 27 it wouldn't have been a problem for me. I agree, they are very sweet, very energetic, very creative, and very not for me at the age I am now. Do you possess image issues? Then the problem lies with you and not him and so then you would need to examine your issues and go from there. Is it that you do not have alot in common because of the gap in age? Or do you feel he is a generation different from you?..

Comment #1

Girl, 27 and 21 is not even a big deal. Go and be happy...

Comment #2

I have two answers to your question...#1-Age doesn't matter...and it all depends on the situation and the person. If he is mature, you get along well and things work, then go for it!BUT...YOU need to truly be ok with it and not have it lingering in the back of your mind as an issue if this turns into something. Also, you said that you would be ready to be married in a "couple" years. He would be 23. I'm not saying that you're marrying this guy, but just trying to keep things in perspective.I myself dated a man is his very early 20's when I was in my later 20's for several years. I thought things were great, he was mature, etc.

It's something we talked about at length numerous times. IN the end, when I thought we were going to be married, I discovered he was cheating on my for 6 months with someone of his own age. Obviously that's just my situation however.Just know that this could potentially be an obstacle in a relationship (thru with this guy. I generally (after my own experience) seem to feel now that age pretty much doesn't matter...unless the person isn't truly mature and ready to be in a relationship.Good luck.


 Marrying my best friend and soul mate on June 20. 2008!..

Comment #3

Oops, I posted my reply at the bottom of the thread, instead of in response to the original poster...I'm clearing out this post and will re-post properly..

Edited 6/19/2007 11:13 am ET by jay_d2..

Comment #4

Except with possible concerns about having children (i.e.if you're a young guy dating (online dating with a 35+ woman or a young woman dating (online dating with a 50+ guy but don't your kid having an old dad), age is NEVER an issue, just for the number itself. If the other person looks "good enough" to you and has the "right" (compatible) attitude, maturity, energy-level, interests, cultural background, goals, etc that you're looking for...then they're a good person to date! (& if they're perfect for you, a quality friend will accept your mate as well) If what YOU want is someone at the exact same life stage, who has been through the exact same cultural experiences, then older/younger may often not work out, but age doesn't solely determine how someone looks or acts. If they look & act "right" for you...then they're right for you. I think ultimately successful relationships are often about an intangible spark/inspiration, not about a specific list of things you can pre-screen in advance ("do they like surfing, the Dave Matthews Band, and Sat. Night Live?"). Obviously if you have some "deal-breakers", then some things you can pre-screen about, otherwise, if someone "feels right", then they're right for you, no matter their age...

Comment #5

I've read everyone's reply and so grateful that everyone is so supportive. thank you and it does make me feel better.I read your response and it's the same discussion I had with him the other night. Being at the stage where I am ready to get married in a couple of years, he'll only be 24 when I am 30. Although it has only been a couple of months, things are pretty serious at this point and I can only see us either breaking up or getting married in the long run. My biggest fear is to date using another few years just to have him tell me in the end that he's too young for commitment, by that time I'll be 30, not even in my 20s anymore...Also, I asked him wouldnt he want to experience life before settling down? Like date using a lot of girls to see what it's like to be 21? To party with his friends? To travel the world? He said he doesnt want to date using other ppl, he is happy just being with me. Again, although I know he is sincere, but what if that's just the naive part of him talking simply because he doesnt know whats out there? I can look back and say I didnt know much when I was 21 and yearned to be free after dating (online dating with the same man for 6 years...I know I know, there are always exceptions, I know guys who have been with the same woman since early 20s are now happily married to them.

Maybe hoping someone who has had similar experience with a positive ending that they could share with me..

Comment #6

All reasonable concerns. If it's good so far, and looks promising, invest at least a few more months? Have the commitment talk again then, see how things feel.Has he dated around before already? Had sex with more than 1 woman before?Depending upon what you mean by "party with his friends", why not be sure to give him the freedom to do that now? And he could still take some lengthy trips, even without you. If it's ok by you, let him know you're ok with a somewhat independent relationship, he can have freedom to be out as a person on his own...except, of course, can't date using or have sex with others unless he wants to end it with you. Maybe this avoids him ever feeling trapped, and makes you more comfortable that he's really able to choose you and stay.Let the choice be his. If he truly doesn't want to go out and about without you, don't force him too. But don't make it hard for him to do so either. Obviously he has to still respect you...he can't just blow you off or blow off plans, but if he wants a few days or more of space or has plans with friends and doesn't want to break them...let him be himself...

Comment #7

Just remember one thing; no matter how uncomfortable you are with the age difference between you and your BF you will never look as ridiculous as a much older man with a 21 year old girl. Think about and your BF both look young and think about a middle aged guy who probably has a bit of a gut, losing his hair, getting some wrinkles, a sagging jaw line and gray body hair with someone who looks like you. I'm sure there are young girls who really dig older guys for lots of reasons: daddy complex, money, security or fame. I don't know how these men feel about this, but if I were them it would kill me inside to look in the eyes of this young girl and see "if I just close my eyes it will be okay" (because...THAT is what they are REALLY thinking) instead of "he's cute". I have no idea how these men reconcile that moment within themselves. I don't care how many of their friends give them high fives for prancing around the chickie, they all lie to themselves because they have nothing else left to hold onto.

The ones he attracts when he is past 40 will increasingly become liabilities - but, again, he doesn't know that yet. Only us women know it and we wont tell them...because we want them to suffer.A woman can fake anything under the sun if she wants to, but eventually the act becomes apparent. Especially when he catches her eyeing the busboy or the bartender. Ouch!I'm sure these women could see "cute" for the right price, but it is not the same as the real thing. I wonder if these guys eventually ever want a woman who really wants them for who they are inside and who finds them physically attractive because he's a guy and nothing more.

But I understand about the marriage thing...

Comment #8

>>My biggest fear is to date using another few years just to have him tell me in the end that he's too young for commitment, by that time I'll be 30, not even in my 20s anymore<<Pisces, that fear will be there no matter if the guy you date using is in his twenties or thirties. You can date using any number of men for three years and end up starting over before you get married.I'll jump ahead a few years. I got divorced after 14 years to an older man (8yrs), then dated a man 10yrs younger than me. We went out almost two years. Age wasnt' the factor in the break up. His cheating on me was and that again is not an age specific problem!Go out and have fun.

And I agree with other posters, let him still have his alone time with friends......and you do the same! And at some point bring all the friends together. No matter the age, you both need your time and space. You will never miss each other if you don't do things apart. Get through this honeymoon phase and see where the relationship (thru really stands.Have fun with life!Patty.


~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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