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How to tell if he is being sincere

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Ok. I met a guy 4 years ago on a personals site when we were both singles. We starting seeing each other for about a month or two and we both got into relationships with other people. Within this time period we have always remained friends. We wouldn't talk all the time but every now and again we would talk via email, or phone. We have always found a way back to each other somehow when we were having a bad day or a problem in our current relationships.

About 6 months ago I left my bf and thought I was leaving for good, well my friend and I spent the night together. It wasn't the first time we had been together since I met him but it was different for me this time. I felt more than I did with him ever. Despite my feelings for him I ended up going back home to try and make my 3 year relationship (thru Match.com) another try. Well I still think about this other guy constantly.

We talk almost everyday. He has a gf. Not a serious one but he has been involved with someone for a few months now. He just ended a bad relationship (thru Match.com) about 7 months ago. He was heart broken so he says he is trying to take it slow and not be serious.When we talk or hang out he always tells me that I am one of the best friends he has and he trusts me and loves me etc.

He says he knows that him and I could be close but he is afraid. yet he is willing to be intimate with me any chance he gets. I tell him we shouldn't because he has a gf but he just always says well she wont know and her and I will never be serious. Then he will say you and I have a different relationship (thru Match.com) and we will always be close.I know I could fall in love with this guy but he wont let me in. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Its not like we have sex all the time, but he always talks about it and kisses me. The problem is when he kisses me or hugs me or brushes the hair away from my face I just melt.There is more to this story but I just wanted to give the basic idea.... Any advice would be great...

Comments (5)

Your question was: How to tell if he is being sincere.

Do you live in Seattle? I think I know someone who is reading from the same script as this guy!I think you know what the answer is, you just don't want to accept it. He doesn't want to be in any more of a relationship (thru Match.com) with you than what you have now. Unless you can be happy with things as they ARE (and I don't think you can or you wouldn't be posting), then staying in this pseudo-relationship will just continue to make you miserable, except perhaps for the time you're actually with him.The only way to change that is for you to cut off contact and move on.Sheri..

Comment #1

GIRL, TAKE IT EASY.....IT'S REAL EASY FOR US WOMEN TO FALL LIKE A ROCK AND YOU DON'T WANT TO GET YOUR HEART BROKEN. JUST FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT FIRST BEFORE YOU TRY TO GET HIM TO PUT HIS GUARD DOWN. TAKE YOUR TIME, DON'T MOVE TOO FAST. IF HE REALLY WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HE WILL LET YOU KNOW, IN THE MEAN TIME, JUST KEEP DOING YOU...

Comment #2

You have known each other long enough to be able to state what you want; which is a real relationship, not a FWB deal. If he cannot give you that, then, in order for him to take you seriously you will have to end things. If you give into the FWB deal then any time you ask for a need to be met he wont be so fast to give it to you - because you always settle. I know you dig this guy, but if he wont change then you will have to change, so that in the long run you will be happy..with or without him...

Comment #3

Don't pursue this guarded man. your entire relationship (thru Match.com) will be spent trying to understand him and get himm to open up, but if he is as stubborn as he sounds, he won't budge. you will end up heartbroken and wasted your time. move onto someone who loves &cares about you and who is able to share his feelings withyou. most women think they can change men, but the truth is that some habits are rooted to his bones. if he has commitment issues from the getgo the guy is trouble...

Comment #4

You need to just stop the friends with benefits aspect of the relationship. Especially since he is dating (online dating with Match.com) someone. And does she realize it's not serious? Is that how he would behave if he were involved with you and sexually attracted to someone else?.

Timing is always important too - you say he's still getting over a bad relationship. Then listen to him when he says he's not ready for anything serious.  He is being truthful and that is a good thing.  But again since you're having sex with him without a commitment he doesn't have as much of an incentive to try to see if things can work out between you..

If this means that you can't see him for a while at all because the temptation will be too strong then that's the way to go.  And he will no doubt miss you but that is not the reason for you to take a break. It is for you to gain perspective. Best of luck.

,..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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