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How to search the username on Match.com?

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My question is: How to search the username on Match.com?.

My 2nd question is: I'm 32 and at the stage in my life where I'm looking for right guy to settle down with.  So by now, I pretty much know when a guy's wasting my time and I cut my losses immediately if that's the case.  But sometimes there's some grey area..

I'm a salsa dancer and I met another dancer the other day at a competition.  He was helping out his brother who was the bartender and he started a up conversation with me after I asked for a drink, asked for my number and took me aside to talk to him outside where it was more quiet.  Throughout the night, he was bringing food and drinks to me and my friends and being a total gentleman.  I was so attracted to him.  Since we live only about 5-10 minutes from each other, he offered for us to split a cab that night.  I thought about it and I accepted.  I guess between the noise level in the venue and his accent, I heard "cab" when he really said "car."  His red sports car, that is.  When I walked out of the venue, I politely told him I don't think so because I don't get into strangers' cars and told him I'm taking the cab by myself.  He started stuttering and seemed embarrassed, and he escorted me to my cab.  He said he wanted to make sure I got to my cab safely since it's so dangerous (haha) and he shook my hand upon parting. .

Anyway, since I'm looking for the right guy, is this the kind of guy I should be wasting my energy on?  Is it unrealistic for me to expect men nowadays to not try to get me in their car the first time I meet them?  I just think a guy who's looking for a relationship (thru Match.com) wouldn't want to come off as wanting sex early or could I be wrong?  Yeah, I have high standards but this is the only way I think to separate the winners from the losers...

Comments (9)

You need to do whatever makes you comfortable. And when he calls to ask you out or you call to ask him out...meet some where for a first date...And just let him know it's just the way you roll. You do have to make sure he isnt crazy....thats how date using Match.com rape happens. And dont go back to his house till you know it's safe...

Comment #1

<<< is this the kind of guy I should be wasting my energy on? Is it unrealistic for me to expect men nowadays to not try to get me in their car the first time I meet them? I just think a guy who's looking for a relationship (thru Match.com) wouldn't want to come off as wanting sex early or could I be wrong? Yeah, I have high standards but this is the only way I think to separate the winners from the losers.>>> Wow, this is REALLY harsh. I mean REALLY. From your own account he was a perfect gentleman and completely solicitous not only to you but to your friends the whole evening. And then, the AUDACITY to offer you a ride? SHAME on him!!!!Just kidding, but seriously, give a guy a break. He wanted to make sure you got home safely, when he realized you mistook his offer of a ride for "trying to get you in his car," he totally backed off and made sure you got safely to a cab. Chivalry is not dead.

Male kindness is not always about sex or ulterior motives!.

***If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)***..

Comment #2

To curlygirl, I'm just basing my assumptions on past experience.  I can't recall a time when I got into a guy's car with just the two of us and he didn't try to get physical with me.  From past experience also, a man will do anything to get on a woman's good side in the beginning.  Some will do more, some will do less but this guy just happened to be really nice.  I give him a lot of credit for that.  I didn't say anything about sex with him.  Just that I don't get into people's cars if I don't know them well which means I would have done the same with anyone.  Plus I'm living in a foreign country now so I'm being cautious.  I had to think hard to word it in a way that wouldn't offend him.  And it's been two days and I haven't heard a peep from him so it remains to be seen whether he was interested in me beyond that night...

Comment #3

I see now. I forgot to mention the fact that I TOTALLY agree with the decision NOT to get in the car with a stranger, but I think he was just trying to be nice. It can be confusing though. I haven't actually met any guy who would go to that much trouble over me if he didn't actually want more than sex; anyone who just wanted to get in my pants was pretty obvious about it and would NEVER go to all that trouble, especially with my friends.

***If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)***..

Comment #4

I'm living in Korea now and people here are very hospitable to foreigners and they don't openly discuss sex but imply it instead.  Some of the hospitality is genuine kindness and some of it is a means to get benefits from the foreigner.  I won't get into it much but I'm speaking from experience and my friends' experiences.  But yes, he was very nice to me so I would certainly like to see him again but as I said, so far, he hasn't called though he mentioned a "next time."  Maybe he felt awkward about the whole situation judging by his stuttering though I tried my best to not make a big thing about it.  So I'm just sitting tight now and waiting to see what happens.  Don't think I should be calling him...

Comment #5

Well this isn't enough info to tell if you shoud waste your time on him. You said he was a perfect gentleman all nite - so that's in his favor. Maybe he was just going to give you a ride home..

 .

However it's good you didn't get in his car since you don't really know him.

,..

Comment #6

You're right.  I've been disappointed in the recent past so many times that I've grown so mistrustful and I don't want to be that way.  He actually text messaged me yesterday to call him and I did later that day.  He couldn't talk then but sounded really glad to hear from me.  He called me back twice to talk and then asked me out to dinner for this weekend.  He seems really sweet so I'm hoping it's not too good to be true...

Comment #7

I think it is entirely reasonable not to get into a stranger's car.  I also think he handled the situation fine, and I would not write him off...

Comment #8

I agree with everyone else here,,you were right to not except the ride home. BUT,,he really was acting like a gentleman, and it sounds like he is genuily interested, so I say,,,give him a chance,,what's the worst that can happen? And, if it's not a match,,hey at least you won't be wondering "what if"!..

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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