Don't issue an ultimatum as a power play. Only if you mean it. For example if you've been dating (online dating with Match.com) someone three years and he's years away from committing although he knows you want marriage then you'll resent him if you continue to stay in something where you both have different goals..
If you have stated your needs clearly and respectfully you will never need to give an ultimatum. You should be prepared to walk away from someone before you use this tactic. And I agree I would run from someone who used it on me. An ultimatum is about as effective as torture - You're putting someone under duress and you're not going to get an honest response from them...
In the past, whenever I've been in a situation where I felt that something like my needs or personal goals for a relationship (thru Match.com) were not being met, I've given ultimatums but only honest ones. Example: " I love you and want you in my life. My preference is that we are in a committed relationship. I feel that enough time has passed for you to know me well enough to commit now, but if you really won't then I need to change things so that they are acceptable to me. I will continue to see you and hope that you will change your mind, but I have decided to see other people as well. If I meet someone who changes my mind about us and is ready for the kind of commitment I am ready for in my life, I can't promise that our relationship (thru Match.com) will continue." I truly meant this when I said it.
I will also warn what seems obvious, but often isn't when when under the spell of being in love: be careful what you wish for. Yes, we did marry, but it didn't last. I was the one to finaly end it. We were together for 20 years and had a child together, but the truth was, he was the type who would never truly be ready for a real commitment and after many painful disappointments, we divorced. Here it is, 7 years later and I'm with the perfect man for me.
I'm hoping it's a temporary thing with him, he isn't like my ex at all. Only time will tell...
How would you feel if someone gave you an ultimatum?.
Hope that answers your question...
If you give an ultimatum you really have to mean it..
I would not recommend an ultimatums. For a man's point of view on the topic, goto www.askmen.com and type in "ultimatums". You'll understand more..
If you aren't getting what you want you do the "reverse ultimatum". Google it for info. It's a more delicate way of doing this. You gage your man's wish for commitment. If he doesn't ask you slowly slip away and distance yourself. If he doesn't respond after that you have your answer..