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My question is: How to get 1 month free trial on Match.com?.

My 2nd question is: So long story short...My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. A week before the breakup he had been acting very cold and distant. Asking me to spend time with him but then ignoring me. He wouldn't touch me, kiss me, even talk to me. At first I let it go thinking he was just having a bad few days but then I asked him about it...like whats going? did I do something?? He said I didn't do anything and he had no idea why he was behaving this way and he couldn't give me a reason. I said it wasn't fair for him to be so hot and cold with me.

He said sorry. We kissed and made up. So the next day everything is fine and hes acting normal as if nothing had even happened. We had a great day with friends. Later in the evening we went to a beer festival in town.

Towards the end of the night we get in this huge fight. More like a fight with himself. But he was screaming at me making a huge scene, saying really horrible things to me and broke up with me. I was crying a lot and was completely embarrassed. This was a side I had never seen of him.The next day he wanted to talk about everything.

I explained my side and why I had initially gotten upset and it was the straw that broke the camels back...he explained his side. He didnt remember the things he had said only that he was very mad and yelling. So we were at an understanding. He then asks me what I wanted to do. I was like what do you mean what do I want to do? what do you want to do! You broke up with me last night and so on...he was like oh ya but I was drunk...and the entire conversation was just very wishy washy.

Very quiet not saying much. (hes the worst communicator) maybe we should take time apart bla bla bla. I said ok I'm going to make this really easy for you, you either want to be with me or not. He said after last night...i don't. I said that's too bad, you broke my heart.

I said no way! and left.I cut off all contact with him..hoping that given him enough space he will snap out of this funk and figure out what he wants. We havent spoken since we broke up and that was a little over 2 weeks ago. The only time we've talked is when hes come to the grocery store (where I work) and it's small talk. "hey how are you". he acts like nothing happened and hes as happy as can be.

Yesterday he came to my work and asked if I was going out to the pub for a going away party I said I didn't know. I ended up going with my friends and of course he showed up. He didn't talk to me at all. Not even a hello in passing not even a smile. I ended up getting very drunk and when I left to go to the bathroom and came back I noticed he was gone and broke down crying because it was as if I didn't even exist.

I am just so incredibly torn. it hurts so much...i want to be with him so bad and I miss him so much. He is a really great guy but right now I feel like hes acting like the biggest prick. We live in a small town and it's almost impossible not to run into him and it doesnt help that we have the same friends either. I don't understand how he can just act like I'm invisible like I never even mattered.

It was the most wishy washy breakup ever! it's all I think about and it's all I want to talk about. I've tried to do my own thing go out with friends and take my mind off of it but then something always makes me cry. I've heard that hes gone out by himself and gotten wasted...and he never did that in a year of being with me. I just dont know what to do Why is he acting like this?! he has to know I'm hurting...but flaunting in my face like hes so "happy" and ignoring me? why? Do I just give him his space? should I try to talk to him? I dont know if hes expecting me to try and talk to him and if thats what he wants. I know most guys arn't going to say "i messed up, I miss you".

Getting over it ive already heard and id like to hear something new. please help!!!!!..

Comments (6)

It is obvious he is not handling this in a mature, gentlemanly type fashion.  So - you can go a couple of ways : 1) establish ground rules with him and yourself for breaking up .. so that if you run into each other in the future things can go much better or 2) find out what he is dissatisfied with and work on it - possibly in therapy..

Maybe he ignored you so that you wouldnt get your hopes up - if he spent time talking to you .. you would have gotten your hopes up..

I say give him time and space and permit yourself to live life without him .. maybe you will find a deeper, stronger love down the road...

Comment #1

My breakup was also a couple of weeks ago, but it wasnt as dramatic as yours and he is not as much of a jerk as yours either.  But he is also immature.  He's texted me once since the breakup.  I texted him back.  Then I texted him another time and then tried to call him once, but no response..

So he is ignoring me as well.  They have every right to ignore us, particularly with calls/text, because we're broken up with them.  In your case, I dont think he needs to ignore you in person as that's really rude and mean. .

Like you, I miss him like CRAZY.  It is nothing short of EXCRUCIATING and he is all I can think about.  I cant sleep.  He shows up in my dreams etc.

Like you, I also want him back. However, I know I shouldnt want him back because he is immature and not a very good communicator.  That's why we broke up in the first place. .

I don't think you should want your guy back either.  You say he's great, but he can't be great if he embarassed you, yelled at you, and dumped you in public.  It does not matter if he was drunk and claims he doesn't remember any of it. .

It could very well be that we're being ignored because they do not miss us.  That hurts, but that could be a possibility.  Trust me, I know it's SO DIFFICULT!  I'm going thru it right now as well!  But really I am getting to the point where I don't really care why he hasn't responded to me.  It's a waste of my time to be mulling over someone who doesn't appear to give a crap about me..

I don't know why you think your breakup was wishy washy.  Why, because he asked you to have dinner afterwards?  That was weird, not wishy washy.  And he didnt ask to get back together, he asked you if you wanted food.  Also, at the pub, he didn't flirt with you, ask how you were or ask to get back together.  He ignored you and when you came back, he had left.  That's not wishy washy..

The fact is, it just takes time to grieve and mourn the loss of a presence in our lives.  It's going to suck for a while, but we have to just get thru it.   Hang in there..

Since we are going thru something so similar, we can email each other if you want support.  I know I need it.  Just let me know and we can exchange email addys..

~Katie-Elle~.

Edited 9/4/2009 11:23 pm ET by katie-elle..

Comment #2

In my opinion, he may very well come back to you and want to give it another try. He may tell you things will be different, it won't happen again etc.However, based on my experience, it will happen again. He will get crazy again and drive you crazy with him. You will lie awake at night analyzing his every gesture, look, word, action. And you will never really figure him out. It is so hard when you love someone to walk away.

He sounds very selfish.Right now you do not believe it, but things will get better in time. I broke up with a similar type of nut about a year ago-posted Why Is He Hurting Me on this forum. I still care for him, I think about him a lot-but things are much much better for me now.All the best to you, whatever you decide...

Comment #3

Hey there,.

I am going through the same drama. Mine wasn't as rude either he was just young and immature. He would always tell me he loved me and then bam all of a sudden he different. He was texting me everyday and then the tables turned. I found myself doing all the texting and sometimes I wonder. Why When are together it's like nothing exsists but when he is not wit me he is so different.

So I am sitting broken hearted wondering what went wrong too. He never talked to me about how he was feeling it's hard for me cuz it only happened 2 days ago. I still cry for him and I miss him alot. I really cared for him and I think I gave him everything I had left in my heart. I thought the feeling were mutual but I guess not.

PLus it's good to know that there are other woman out there who just don't get men like me..

Comment #4

Been there with my last boyfriend! Actually he broke up with me numerous times, then always acted like nothing happened whenever I went to get my stuff from his place! The last time I took everything from his place when I left, and he broke up with me two days later. Then three weeks later he starts sending me all these mean text messages. Finally I called him and asked him why, and his reply was "I'm still in love with you". HUH??? We talked a few times that week, always ending with "I love you"s. Then all of a sudden he made the comment that we weren't even dating (online dating with Match.com) each other or anything. ?????Ok, since then I have realized that he has issues! I am not a doctor and thus cannot diagnose his actual problem, but truly believe he has borderline personality disorder! I discovered this on accident (bought a book hoping it would help me deal with a bipolar person but it was dealing with borderline personality disorder people.) May or may not be his problem.Another thought...he may be having a hard time getting over you too.

Maybe he's trying to figure things out right now. Hard to say what's going on with him exactly. Hopefully you will get some enlightment soon as to what's going on. Mean while hang in there!..

Comment #5

Yea I feel like hes been all over the place. I'm just trying to do my own thing and gain some perspective on the entire situation. But since contacting him over that mutual friend of ours hes taken it into warming up to the friends idea. which I told him I was not ready for and that right now it's all or nothing for me. he said he understood but bringing me lunch to my work and not understanding that I don't want a month old birthday present from him because it's too painful for me, he just doesn't get. Hes like "i still want to get you something!!" I tried to be civil and thank him for the food but that I can't accept any kind of gift from him right now since it is too difficult and painful for me to handle.I don't understand how he can't see that.

Yet I feel like hes pushing for it. I'm sure he misses me but he needs to respect that if hes over being with me then he needs to give me time to do the same thing. Which I am trying to nicely explain to him. We'll see what he reply's with...maybe even though he said I want to do my own thing the feelings of missing me are making him still unsure of what he really wants. who knows...

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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