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How to feel better emotionally during Nutrisystem?

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First I want to say I joined for me but I have to get this off my chest. I weight 160 and my hubby told me that he just doesn't find me attractive anymore I wear my weight like a spare tire around the middle and it isn't attractive and I will be the frist to admit that but I am hurt and sad. I want to lose 30 pounds but at this point I am just unsure as to weather or not I can do it and if it would make me feel better about myself...

Comments (21)

Your question was: How to feel better emotionally during Nutrisystem?.

Shame on you for telling her to get rid of him. Where is the honor in THAT? Of course if you sort of let yourself go he isn't going to be as attracted to when you were more of his ideal image. Yes you could not work on shaping up to not appease him, but would that really do YOU any good? Getting in shape would benefit you both and help your relationship, but the choice needs to be ultimately yours and whether or not YOU want to do so. You need to ask yourself, why are you the size you are now and do YOU feel comfortable with it. Motivation comes from within, as then you can only really let yourself down if you fail, and failing is only a result of giving up...

Comment #1

Yes you can do this and yes you will feel better about yourself because you will be HEALTHIER!!! Focus on you and Nutrisystem will give you the tools and support to be your best! Good luck on your journey...

Comment #2

Wow, a man should be allowed to treat his wife like crap just because he married her? Serious, what gives anyone that right? She should not put up with that abuse. If he married her for the right reasons then he would not be so concerned about 30 pounds. If he actually loved her he would support her and not make her feel bad about herself.

So yes, I would advise anyone to get out of an abusive one sided relationship.

Where is the honor in being mentally abused?..

Comment #3

First of all, 160 is not ALOT to weigh !!.

Yes, 30 pounds will help you feel better about yourself and you will be healthier. But, I agree with you...I would be sad if my husband said that to me when I was only 30 pounds overweight. Makes me think he might say other hurtful things to you to discourage you.....does he often put you down in this manner?.

Jeannie..

Comment #4

I am with Sherilyn - a husband who doesn't find his wife attractive anymore just because she weighs 160 instead of 130 is extremely shallow and all about himself, not her. As far as my self esteem goes, my first husband was the most important 150 pounds I ever lost. And while I was married to him, I had put on a great deal of weight from having children, then got down to a size 8 - it didn't make him treat me better or love me more. My second husband has always been very outspoken and demonstrative about find me attractive and desirable, whether I weigh 180 or 120. Anita, I guarantee you that you CAN do this and you will feel better about yourself, not specifically because you look better, but because you have accomplished something for yourself and you will be more in control of your life. But Sweetie, it is a real ego boost to have people tell you all the time how great you look, too...

Comment #5

+1 best 220 lbs. I shed too!.

Jen..

Comment #6

Well I talked to him again last night and I think that since he is being deployed again that situation is the bigger issue more so then my weight and how I carry it. I told him that I am not trying to lose weight for him, however I am now putting myself and our kids first he is in there just not number one anymore. I am not going to hang around the house to spend time with him after work and hope that he will want to work out or go for a walk. It is amazing that I was more active before he got deployed mainly because if I wanted to go for a walk I would, if I wanted to go to an exercise class I would lately it's been all about him (my choice and I didn't relize thats what I was doing it until I started looking at the situation last night). Deployment is hard and I know last time we went through a couple of situations where He said some pretty insensitve things without thinking of what he was saying and how his words can hurt those around him...

Comment #7

Seems like your hubby is stressed about being deployed and handles it by saying insensitive things. I've found in my life that when someone puts another person down, it often has to do with insecurities..

My first instinct would be to drop him like a bad habit, but that's a hasty reaction. You have to evaluate your situation personally..

I have gained a lot of self confidence from losing weight. I feel better about myself and I enjoy hearing the positive comments from my friends and family. Also, my relationship with my husband has improved. There are several factors for that. I have energy to keep up with the kids, which makes the family happy overall. I have my own appointments (going to the gym, etc) which makes me not around all the time...absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Putting yourself first and making yourself a priority is a positive thing. Once you realize that you can stand confidently, you can look at your situation with clear eyes and make a well thought out decision about where your future will be.

Then if appropriate, you can kick his butt to the curb..

Best of luck!..

Comment #8

PSH. The love and honor crap goes both ways! Why is she supposed to put up with him saying stupid obnoxious MENTALLY ABUSIVE stuff to her and people are just like..."oh lose some weight honey...".

Because losing weight is the solution...right? If it isn't her weight he'll have some other excuse to put her down.

One reason I got married (in the end, though I had lost my faith in the idea of the institution) is that I found someone who was man enough to tell me "I don't care what you weigh, I don't care if you get fat, just as long as I can still put my arms around you to hold you." After the bad relationships I was in, he has set the bar for me, and I think that all women deserve someone who is kind, realistic and who actually WILL love them despite stretch marks, wrinkles, white hair...and oh, maybe an extra 30 pounds..

Would she love him if he had a spare tire around the middle? If the answer is yes, perhaps she should re-evaluate the relationship, as it appears to be on uneven ground. Yes, maybe some weight should be lost. But for her own sake, not that of the husband...

Comment #9

I didn't see anything about abuse mentioned, only that she mentioned he didn't find her extra weight attractive and said it looked like a spare tire. That's one thing mentioned in reference to weight, which of course would not be attractive. Hell, I don't find my extra weight attractive either, but that's no reason to leave someone over them giving their opinion. I feel he should have been honest with her as he was, but I also believe he could have and SHOULD have worded it a lot more respectful, yes..

I'm not giving him a get away with being disrespectful free card, I'm just saying they need to come to terms and work on it rather than just up and leave from the situation. Either way, even if she'd left him the weight would still be there and I'm sure the next person would feel the same way. Love has nothing to do with attraction. You can love someone for whom they are and you can love the way they look. Totally different..

The whole topic in reference was about weight. It could JUST be about the weight. He could be showing her the best love in the world and be more caring than you can ever imagine, and still not be attracted because of the weight. You all are missing the point and taking it way out of context. If you all know her personally and know she's going through a lot more than I read, fine, that's one thing. But MY whole response is in reference to the weight and the attraction, nothing more..

A ton of them feel that way... in the beginning. That goes back to what I said above.... loving YOU and loving the way you LOOK are two completely different things...

Comment #10

If you can't grow old together then you shouldn't be married. I don't see how this is different...Because we all know, gravity is a b@#h for both man and woman, and a lot of people grow a spare tire as they get old. So what? It's ok to love and cherish...as long as (they) look good? Again, don't get married if you can't see yourself with that person..

If that person's personality totally changes and they go psycho on you...well that's another thing. But if this is JUST about appearances, it's not right. But if she knew she married someone trivial and appearance oriented, I guess she is going to have to deal with the consequences in one way or another..

* And, for the record: I read this to my husband, and after five years and a baby he still feels the same way. And my weight does fluctuate...

Comment #11

A better example... you can love the way some shoes feel and hate the way they look, but you still find comfort in them. You can love the way cake taste, but not like the way it looked. My whole point was....

Nevermind, I give up... ya'll just keep missing the point of my statement.

Ya'll win...

Comment #12

Anita - Congratulations for making the decision to purchase this program! You CAN do this! You will feel much better! It's sad that you are experiencing stress related comments from your husband. Take care of yourself.

I weigh 167, I started at 176. I'm 5'3" I've lost and gained the same 40 pounds a few times in the 27 years I've been married. Ditto for my Dear hubby. He has never given me grief for my weight. I'm harder on myself than he is. I don't care what size he is, I Love him to pieces...

Comment #13

You can do this, but I would recommend doing this for YOU! Men can be cruel and unsensitive to us and our needs, so please don't let that hurt you. Show him what you can do and then when he is "attracted" to you again, I would make him suffer but that's just me.........

Comment #14

Have you considered marriage counseling? I get that your husband is probably stressed, but that's no excuse for making hurtful remarks that make you feel bad. You deserve better than that. And for the record, I WISH I weighed 160! I once weighed double that...

Comment #15

My husband and I keep each other in check and that means being brutally honest with each other. I can understand how this can be a deal breaker for more sensitive people. it works for us but I don't expect it to work for everyone.

Personally I don't want to be loved by just one person "no matter what I look like" all the while gaining 40 pounds and having no confidence to approach others. I notice that even if I lose a few pounds (even though you can't see it) I am more social, look people in the eye more, etc.

Anyway, I agree with those that say you should do it for you! YOU CAN DO IT!! but only you know how you and your husband work... and whether it is an abusive relationship or just a hurtful but matter-of-fact comment (guys are just harsh and direct)...

Comment #16

Wow girl look at the responce you got, I am not sure but I think they have about covered it all!!! LOL.

Don't feel bad about yourself, feel empowered! You have the power to do something about that 40 lbs! And we are all here to help you along!.

And don't worry so much about your hubby. Boys are dumb, lord knows I have tryed hard to not let my hubby see me naked in a very long time, I don't want to see it so I am sure he feels the same way! Sometimes men say things a little harsher than we do, but I don't belive it is a reason to kick him to the curb! Most of the time they don't even realize they said anything wrong or that hurtful.

So come on in the waters fine, and we are here if you need a life raft!!!..

Comment #17

+100000.

So help my husband if I weighed 160 (close to my goal weight) or 300lbs and he told me I was unattractive. I wouldn't want to be in a marriage that was that superficial! I love him no matter his weight or anything else like that, & think it's vice versa.

I'm shocked someone would say shame on you for advising her this way..

To the OP... lose the weight for you hun, seriously odds are that if he thinks your unattractive w/ 30 extra pounds it probably wont change much after you lose the 30lbs. do it for you!..

Comment #18

Co-signed. Maybe I wasn't taking into consideration how they were taking my comment, as to why they kept taking more offense to it than what my point was. I'm not that sensitive so I apologize to those whom took me wrong...

Comment #19

+1.

Take care of yourself, OP, for you and your children.

If that's the type of relationship you have, then his comment would be fine. However, considering OPs reaction, it's not the type of relationship they have and he was WAY out of line...

Comment #20

That was a very harsh statement your dh made. It is on the verge of mental abuse. I grew up with a mother who called me fat all the time (i was at most a little chubby) and for this I have serious issues as an adult. I never think I am thin enough, still see myslef as the girl my mom called fat. Same thing your dh has done. Not sure if this was a one time thing or not, but should not be tolerated.

Don't let that happen.

Think about what he may say to your children who are the most impressionable. I always have to watch what I say to my children because I know what it can do firsthand. I have serious self image problems. I know i'm now thin and in great shape, but still don't really see it. My dh has always told me i'm beautiful and attractive even when I was 30lbs heavier.

Good Luck and I'm glad you are doing it for YOU and your children...

Comment #21

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