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My first question is: How to be a subscriber of match.com?.

My next question is: Ive been single for a very long time and been dated few guys but just didn't work out... I know most men don't date using Match.com just one girl and that they have "reserves" just incase the other didn't work out...no wonder it's so easy for them to pull back when they saw something bad bout d girls they're dating...

I'm also attractive and smart enough but I'm in med school and barely have time to go out....I don't wanna resort to online dating (online dating with Match.com) cause I don't think it's safe and it's a li'l desperate way to find dates.. most of my friends are single so I can't ask them if they know some guys to date using Match.com with....

Before I don't have problems of bein single but everytime I see sweet couples...I feel so empty.. I'm a very independent girl and definitely not a clingy type.. I'm not a flirty type and hate people flirting.. But if I'm goin t act like a sitting duck and wait for the next guy to come...i might be wasting time... help!..

Comments (9)

Your question was: How to be a subscriber of match.com?.

Eh, online dating (online dating with Match.com) isn't really that bad. if you're having a hard time meeting people because you're busy, it's a good way to meet people. plus, you can pre-screen them for the ones who are looking for relationships, etc. A lot of my friends have tried it, and although not all of them came out of the experience with a boyfriend, no one had a really negative experience. For a couple of them, it seemed like the online dating (online dating with Match.com) just gave them more confidence to get out there, and ended up dating (online dating with Match.com) people they didn't meet online. I don't think it's any more unsafe than meeting people out, at bars, etc.



Other than going out to bars and getting involved in activities- which you don't seem to have time to do- or meeting people through friends, there really isn't any other way to meet people to date. you meet people to date using Match.com just like you meet all other people, really. there's no "magic formula." if I were in your shoes though, i'd probably give online dating (online dating with Match.com) a try.....

Comment #1

Online dating (online dating with Match.com) is not desperate - it's a meeting tool and it works for a lot of people. If you aren't meeting people in your day to day routine, then it is smart to use all the avenues available to increase your social circle. Thousands ofpeople have used online dating (online dating with Match.com) and had success with it. What is 'desperate' about making friends and finding someone?.

Also, I'm not sure I understand your issue about flirting - flirting is the playful banter between people that says "I'm approachable and open" It could be that you are projecting such an all business demeanor that those you encounter who 'might' be interested are given a silent 'Do Not Enter' warning. People will not approach you if they sense you aren't open.

Lastly, independence is well and good - however, when 'independence' comes across as 'I don't want or need anyone else at all to help me or treat me special' it again is a 'Do Not Enter' sign. Being SO independent that you forget how to also be a woman with a man - allowing him to open doors, carry things, be chivalrous towards you, etc - is actually man repellent. Men want to do things for women - but when women disallow those displays of courtesy, chivalry and generosity - they subtly tell men, don't treat me special.  Check that your independence is not at teh expense of your femininity. True independence is knowing how to take care of yourself in most situations yet also knowing it's ok to let someone else do it for you anyway.  Too much 'independence' is a protection mechanism of sorts - if I don't let you do anything for me, then you can't disappoint me' - find a balance here..

Be willing to get out of your comfort zone - try online dating (online dating with Match.com) and flirting (be yourself but be playful). If finding a companion is worth the effort, then it's worth doing something different - esp. if whatyou are currently doing isn't generating the results you want.

Toni..

Comment #2

         Wow! thank you! I appreciate what you've said and same with the rest who gave same advise... Yeah your right.. maybe I've set a barrier between me and new guys and I barely noticed that I've been overdoing it.. Thanks, it helps a lot! =)..

Comment #3

 I really love the advice that, tonitoons has given you.

 I would like to add that, although I'm not really into 'online' dating, I don't think it's any more risky than meeting someone in a bar or a coffee shop. I mean, if people are crazy, they're going to be crazy online and in public. That's where having a good judge of character and listening to your instincts come into play..

 Don't rule out online dating. Just like you shouldn't rule out dating (online dating with Match.com) people that you meet in a social setting. By putting yourself out there, drastically increases your chances of meeting someone. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know, so you can call me "Captain Obvious". LoL : ).

 .

 I know that you mentioned a few things about your life, as far as being attractive and being a med student. But in your HONEST opinion, if you were a guy that knew how you feel about yourself internally, would you date using Match.com yourself? My point is, is that if you don't feel like you're worthy of a good man, you're 'sub-consciously' going to sabotage any man that tries to get close to you. It may not be intentional, but you may look at his motives as very suspicious and unintentionally drive him away. I'm curious how you REALLY feel about yourself and where you are mentally with your esteem..

 I'm curious to know, so if you're willing to share this with me, I'd be more than willing to listen..

 Take care....

 Z..

Comment #4

     Thank you...=) hmmm yeah you were right bout the whole thing... I've figured that out a li'l long time ago..  I'm the kind whose preserved and have principles to stand on no matter what happened... As for your questions, I'm on the process of knowin and appreciating myself more... Though I can't say I'm close enough to it but I'm working and learning hard how to be a better person everyday... I know for some reasons most women have these issues regarding insecurities and deep-rooted "self-rejection".... I've been through all that.. I'm only 23 but I felt like life passes me by so fast...and I realized that I should loosen up and enjoy moments one at a time then take things to go on naturally... .

   Each time I keep asking myself if will I be worthy for that "someone" or either for anyone who needs me... hope I will be..but I'm currently working on it..I mean preparing myself to be worthy for not just that "special person" but also for everyone I love....

  And those are my personal struggles...LOL sorry if I sounded a bit "dramatic" here but I'm all genuine...

Keep it up Z... I know your a great guy...and you were helping a lot of people... thanks again! Godbless.....

And oh by the way, please feel free to email me here ... =)..

Comment #5

"Ive been single for a very long time and been dated few guys but just didn't work out... I know most men don't date using Match.com just one girl and that they have "reserves" just incase the other didn't work out...no wonder it's so easy for them to pull back when they saw something bad bout d girls they're dating..".

Wow. You must only be going for players or bad boys or something because as guy, and as a guy who knows and has known several, several other guys, I can tell you that this is simply not true for the majority of men. Most men usually only have one woman to work with at a time and will do anything to make it work. It's usually your inhibitions that make it not work out, not his...

Comment #6

 I hate to bust your chops, megadose, but I think you sent this message to the wrong person. LoL.

 I'm not the OP or original poster. I think SHE is the one that you quoted and that you wanted to send this to. You must be a 'rookie' here, huh?.

 Z..

Comment #7

I just want to say that as a single female doctoral candidate (and friends to a multitude of professional and graduate women) I totally get how our own behaviors (independence, strong will and determination, etc.) can turn men off, however there's something to be said for guys being so intimidated by us. I usually get that confused look from men when I say I don't get asked out a lot (very rarely, I can count the number of times I've been asked out by guys on my two hands and I'm 25 years old ) or haven't dated much, as if it doesn't make sense (I know, I think I'm a really cool person too). Now don't get me wrong, men flirt with me (and buy drinks) whenever I go out but I get the sense that something about me intimidates men enough not to ask me out.I've often looked at my mannerisms and hang ups and work to 'improve' myself. However, like the original post I don't get the the chance to date using Match.com much. Now it's very easy to think there's something that may be wrong with you (and there may be), but I feel that thought process alone can be very self destructive. On that note...I really think men are too easily intimidated especially by women who are 'successful' or working towards success whatever that means.

Yet to do that I believe men have to be man enough (take that how you want it too) to ask me out in first place. So I tell myself, that the right man for me (or at least anyone I would want to date) would be confident enough to be able to approach me and ask me out inspite of what may be perceived about me. Until then, I go out, enjoy life, continue to work on myself, and remain open to the opportunity to have a relationship (thru Match.com) (or a date using Match.com for that matter)!..

Comment #8

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders at 25.  I'm a bit older than you (44) and have had more experiences in both being a strong and successful woman and dating (online dating with Match.com) - my word of advice is this:.

Always remember that you are a woman and allow others to treat you as such regardless of what you do in life. Keep the softness of femininity that is fun part of being a woman.  It never detracts from your success and adds a lot to your 'self'. In fact, maintaining femininity while being able to take care of the things that comprise your life IS being truly independent to me.

Also remember that people who are genuine don't care what you do, they simply remember how they feel around you. If you are open and approachable, people are drawn to you. If you are closed, angry or sarcastic, they tend to stay away. Often 'independence' becomes a sort of protection against disappointment and rejection - a mask for anger and aggressiveness from unresolved hurts. I've dealt with this myself - make sure that you (3rd person you - no you personally) aren't still nursing old wounds and saying 'I'll do it myself' or "I don't need a man" to deny the fact that you do want and need from others.  Its pretty easy for me to tell which women are still nursing old hurts based on what they say and what kinds of friendships they have. (I can recognize anger because I have had my own issues with it) Women (and men) who still have unforgiveness and anger are often surrounded by others who also have it.

And nothing is uglier than anger.

I have found this to be true for me - those who are willing to reach higher and dig deeper are fewer and farther between - but those men are the ones that matter - the ones who love that I live life on my own terms and want to be a part of that.  I love men and I love being a woman and I also really like who I am now. I haven't always and that is unfortunate because it cause a lot of unnecessary pain for me an those around me..

Mostly remember this - things worth having are worth having well - and sometimes those things take longer to find. Keep a sense of humor and openness that there is always more going on than you may know at any given moment.  Let go of the past - it only keeps you from your future.

Best regards,.

Toni..

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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