How should I deal with this?

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About 6 months I met a guy at work and we hit it off as friends.  He's such a nice person and a great co-worker whom I have so much respect for.  We work together on a few projects and so we got to know each other on that level.  Whenever we are together though we have such a great time, just making each other laugh a whole lot with our silly jokes and without going to details, I can only describe us as 2 kids in the playground or rather the 2 stooges of the 3.  We are so similar in the way we play and total goof balls.  We would try to out do one another in everything and even when walking into a door, we would walk in together to see who gets in first.  But most importantly we laugh a whole lot..

I know I like spending time with him but not anything more than that because I have a significant other in my life who I love and planned a life with.  As for the new friend, he also has someone in his life.  In my mind I just thought that I was lucky to have made a friend who I like hanging out with.  Then one day after another episode of the 3 Stooges, he suddenly stopped and gave me a hug.  I hugged him back and we were in complete silence for a few minutes (it's really rare for the both of us to shut up by the way), and it felt like a cold shot went through my entire body.  And I could feel him shaking and I realized at that moment, oh my gosh we are in so much trouble.  The next day, everything was normal again.  We said hello and bye as we saw each other as if nothing happened the night before.  So I thought hm... we are okay.  It was just a moment and it passed so now business as usual.  We continued to hang out with each other a couple of more times after that being complete goofballs as usual.  Then the other day "the hug" came back and this time it was a really long hug and the same feeling came rushing back.  All I could say is, it felt so nice to be in each others' arms....  We haven't said anything to each other.  If anything I've been avoiding him because I don't want to deal with it, though I've been thinking about him and those moments a lot. .

What does all this mean?  I already have someone in my life and so does he.  Can we continue to be friends? ..

Comments (4)

Your question was: How should I deal with this?.

Well, you are not friends below the surface. So the real question is what do you do with this new emotion you are feeling for this guy?  It shouldnt be ignored because those feelings are there for a reason, like maybe the people you are with are not really right for the two of you or maybe something is amiss in your relationships and this is a wake up call to examine your current relationships and give them a tune up.  Next, do you each break up with your SO's and start a new relationship (thru or put space between the two of you and keep your current relationships?..

Comment #1

Sounds like an emotional affair to me. Which can be just as damaging as a physical one.Does your boyfriend know of this relationship, has he met him, if not, why?Is something missing in your current relationship? If something is missing either work on that or leave your bf. If your bf was carrying on with someone he worked with as you are how would that make you feel? And would you be comfortable with him being "friends" with her? You work with the guy, it is very easy to think wow he is great, you spend a lot of time together at work, you laugh together, have a good time. You do not really know him in a social setting, you don't know what he is like away from work, he might not be as great as you think, besides he has a girlfriend, if he will act like that with you he will do it to you. And getting involved with someone you work with, if it doesn't workout can be a real pain, and a lot more hassle than it was ever worth.IMO....Men and women can be just friends, but that is only if there is no sexual attraction between them. And with each of you being in a relationship, if your partner is kept in the dark about the friendship, then something is wrong. Good luck...

Comment #2

Do you know if this coworker has any kids?What about you?Like someone said don't know how he is in social settings.Have you asked other coworkers if he's dated anyone before at this work?.

Don't do the coward thing and start something with this person.You need to try to fix the real and your bf...

Comment #3

Thank you all for your thoughts... My boyfriend and I are going away for the weekend this week....

And yes, I've kept my distance with the other person.  Not easy...  But let's hope everything works out like I plan..



Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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