How much is worth?

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My first question is: How much is worth?.

My next question is: Background: A guy in my office and I have been flirting for a few weeks. We have lots in common and found strange coincidences in our lives. I had a party last week and to my delighted surprise, he kissed me. He also asked for my number, and we began txting all weekend. Then one evening, he phoned me and said it shouldn't have happened because he has a girlfriend 'sort of' !!!!!!! I wasangry, sad, shocked. He said the situation was likely to change soon,but he still shouldn't have kissed me..

On Monday evening, he asked if I wanted to go for a drink after work, or did I j ust want to kill him? I went to this bar- it accidently ended up being like a date. I thought we were just there to have a quick 'no hard feelings' chat and go home. But conversation just flowed for HOURS before we got talking about the 'thing.'.

It just made me like him even more :-( Turns out, our paths have crossed so many times; hotels in remote Thailand at the same time, same hotel in Canada at the same time..etc, we backpacked Europe 7 years ago in the same countries. We even talked about our families- such a 'date' thing to do..!.

*Anyways* after 2 hours I just slurred: "So you've got a girlfriend" He said that he's an idiot, but didn't want us to fall out. She sounds like a bit of a nightmare. They met just before he went travelling by himself, and it had been going well so she came out to meet him for a few weeks. But since he's been back (6 months), she's been putting pressure on him to buy a house. At this point I was like "whoa big step!" and he agreed and said they've been arguing a lot..

The whole conversation he was funny, but shy, smily but not cheesy. I asked if he had taken advantage of me and went "no no no no no, I've been stressing about it all weekend that you'd think that... I can't concentrate at work" He made it clear that I was the only person he'd cheated with so I asked why he did it. He goes "Because I like you. We've been getting on for weeks,it's strange to find someone with so much in common".

I went "You like me?" He said " a lot" then looked at the ground and went "I fancy you"..

3 doubles in, I had lost all my inhibitions by this point and started moaning about my luck with men, going "what's wrong with me!" And he said really quietly: "You're perfect".

I ended up rambling (shouldn't have!) that life's too short if he's not happy, and then why is he stringing her along? He said that kissing me has made him realise everything. I was like "Oh thanks!!! So kissing me made you realise how much you love your girlefriend! Brilliant" And he went"No! What happened made me realise that..there's something fundamentally wrong ..because I like you".

On the walk back to the station I told him that it was pretty obvious that I liked him,and suggested he sorted his head out. Then he did something that just made me melt :-( He hugged me (a little too long) and gave me a little kiss on the forehead.

So what am I meant to do? I know I can't give myself false hope. But he's a genuine sweetheart and not player. Why is he with someone if he's having feelings for someone else- makes me angry!! What do you think?..

Comments (8)

Your question was: How much is worth?.

Unless you want to get into a relationship (thru with a man that is not available (not an appealing idea)you might just need to back off and let this guy get his crap together. Make it known you won't kiss or go out with him while he is attached and put the ball in his court. If he breaks up with his GF, then you can decided if you want to pursue something with him, but I'd let him get himself together before your dive in with your heart and your emotions.Good luck,.



Comment #1

Stay away from him until he has his house in order.  If he wants to be with you, he will break up with her (and not mess around with you until he has broken it off.) If he doesn't break it off with her, then it's because he chooses her and wants her, regardless of what he tells you...

Comment #2

<<So what am I meant to do? I know I can't give myself false hope. But he's a genuine sweetheart and not player. Why is he with someone if he's having feelings for someone else- makes me angry!! What do you think?>>.

Don't invite trouble into your life. Why he is with someone else is anyone's guess - it may be perfectly clear to him. He's doing what he wants to be doing.

The best thing you can do is to let him take care of his own stuff and not get involved. If you two are ment to be together you will be - when it's the right time. But you will do both of you a huge disservice if you get in the middle of someone else's relationship..



Comment #3

I have to agree with the rest of the posters...he needs to do the dirty deed and wipe his life and calendar clean for you before you two lock lips again. .

As far as stringing his GF along, many people do that to their SO's.  I prefer to break things off and not drag the inevitable out, but many people are afraid of being alone so they stick with someone long after their feelings have waned - it is someone to go out with on a Saturday night instead of being at home..

Make sure you protect yourself and dont accept any invitations from him until he has broken things off with this woman.  And then...have fun!.


Comment #4

 I've got a question for you. Do you plan on working at this job for awhile, or is it a short term thing?.

 Here's why: if you like this job and want to be there for awhile, I've learned that by 'dating' someone at work can be detrimental to your future with this company. Why? Let's say you 'GO FOR IT', and you two start dating. It's fun and exciting in the beginning and ends up being a HUGE mistake..

  Are you willing to jeopardize your job b/c of this guy? The 'dynamics' of the workplace may have huge repercussions b/c of the 'falling out'. I've learned that, "If you love your job, DO NOT date using anybody from that job.".

 As far as pursuing him further... aren't you dating (online dating with other men as well? And if not, why aren't you? It seems like you may be putting alot of 'emotion' into this one guy, instead of having a selection of men WHO ARE AVAILABLE and love to be around you.

 From reading your post, it sounds like he may be the only guy you've found an attraction for, thus, your putting ALL of your emotional 'availability' towards HIM. Not a good or ATTRACTIVE situation for either of you..

 Let the fire cool down, and if in time he's AVAILABLE, he'll be around... I'm sure..

 I hope this works out for you..

 Be well....


Comment #5

<< Why is he with someone if he's having feelings for someone else- makes me angry!! What do you think?>>.

It may make you angry, but it's obviously not making you angry enough because ... it sounds like you're 'buying' what he's 'selling.'.

Bottom line:  he's got a GF.  You can analyze six ways 'til sunday on WHY he's 'fancy'ing you' but is still with her ... but THAT doesn't change the bottom line fact.

So, before you get in too deep ... here's what you do ... just say "if/when you no longer have a GF, give me a call" ... and you do NOT go out with him again.   That's it.   (but then, if he breaks up with her ... you'll still have to wonder if he's REALLY broken up with her or if he's just telling you that ... and how good of a guy is he REALLY if he's allowing himself to have feelings for someone other than the person he's supposed to have feelings for ...

So, kinda makes it hard to ever really trust someone who ends one relationship (thru for another).  ..

Comment #6

This guy is suspect already.My aunt had a similar situation as well (an office flirtation), even came close to sleeping with the guy until he said he had a gf (or fiance. My memory is rocky). She was not pleased. He still continued the relationship (thru with his "legitimate" gf.But in my personal opinion, any guy who starts something with me while still in a relationship (thru with another girl has automatically disrespected me as a person, by turning me into "the other woman". And we all have our own personal images and thoughts that come to mind with that title, and they're not pretty. I don't care if he says the relationship (thru sucks, he needs a confirmed date using for Saturday night, blah, blah, blah.

And what if he does break up with his gf, and while getting his life back in order he decides that the last thing he needs right now is another relationship? What's that going to do to your work environment, not to mention that whirlwind of emotions he just happens to be responsible for stirring up?If after what I've said, you still want to persue this then what other posters have said is pretty accurate. Put up a stonewall and make him know on no uncertain terms, that nothing continues between you two until he takes control of his life and decides what it is he wants in it and what he wants out. This means no "accidental dates" and not putting yourself in a position where he can cloud your judgement with sweet words and gestures. If he really wants you, he will jump those hoops, because that is your worth; that is your self-respectIf he doesn't: Good riddance. A better man wouldn't have put you through this drama to begin with...

Comment #7

When I met my boyfriend he had a girlfriend.  He dumped her 6 days after we met. ..

Comment #8

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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