How many people are on

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My question is: How many people are on

My 2nd question is: My girlfriend and I have been dating (online dating with for 4 years.  Every year I buy her birthday gifts,  this year I bought her a laptop she really wanted.  When my birthday comes she gives me a card,  nothing else,  every year this is the same.  I dont want anything expensive,  thats not it.  She manages to buy everyone else a b-day gift,  never me.  I havent discussed this with her,  I feel it's awkward  but it makes me feel bad. Am I wrong to feel this way ?

Comments (7)

Here's my answer to your question: How many people are on

No you are not wrong for feeling this way.Try to address the issue without making it seem like you want expensive gifts or like you're pouting like a child who didn't get what they want for christmas.She'll never know how you feel if you dont tell her.Good Luck...

Comment #1

Hi Joe,.

Welcome to the board!!.

You have every right to feel bad.  And you really need to tell her about this.  It is awkward, but not every situation can be easy.  You do seem to buy expensive gifts.  Maybe she feels like she can't compete?  Just a thought..

Good Luck,.



Comment #2

I told her I dont want expensive gifts,   actually I asked three months prior to my birthday if she would make me something and she said yes  butnever did...

Comment #3

This is a hard one.  Have you asked her about this since your bday?  I think you should clear the air.  And one of the things that I'm learning is that when you want to confront someone about an issue, it is better to make sure the issue is about yourself.  Because when you actually think about it, it's how you feel about the situation. .

Maybe something like this - I was really looking forward to my birthday this year and knowing you were part of it is part of what makes it so special.  I'm not understanding why you don't give birthday presents to me.  I've noticed that you do this with other friends and family.  I'm feeling left out and unimportant..

I think this is a bit nicer than why didn't you give me a gift.  It also is more adult..


I hope this helps. .



Comment #4

<< actually I asked three months prior to my birthday if she would make me something and she said yes  butnever did.  >>.

Ok, since you have brought it up ... and she said she'd do something, and she didn't then ... I think you 'missed' your oppt'y to address it then and there.   We see this a lot on these boards ... the communication barrier ... and a lot of people just like yourself come here asking these types of questions ... and the only person who can truly answer is your SO, right?!.

I guess I've always been the type to nip things in the bud as they occur.   I mean, it's kind of awkward to say weeks or months after the fact "how come you said you'd make me something for my bday but you didn't follow-through?".

Advice:  if something is bothering you, ASK!  ... maybe not right in that moment (because sometimes in the moment means asking during a moment of disappoinment or upset) ... but, the next day ... or later in the day is fine.   Process how you want to approach it and simply ask.

There is no substitute for clear and direct communication in a relationship.  .

Suggestion:  Depending on when the next bday is or the next holiday you celebrate ... agree to a budget ... that way, you won't overspend ... she won't underspend ... and everything is even keel...

Comment #5

Yes your are right,  I will bring up the issue with her since it bothers me.  She did tell me two days before my birthday that what she was making wouldnt be ready .  That was months ago.  Anyway,  I was ok with it until she sent a gift to a friend she doesnt even like cause to quote her " She gave me a very expensive gift for my bday and I feel guilty ".  So I guess I felt like what I gave her for her bday didnt rate much.  Anyway,  I will talk to her  that is the best answer...

Comment #6

<< I will bring up the issue with her since it bothers me.  She did tell me two days before my birthday that what she was making wouldnt be ready .   >>.

Honestly, it wouldn't hurt if you just calmly said "hey, whatever happened to that bday gift you were making me?".

You ARE in a relationship, right?   A long-term one?   Any hesitancy about bringing up stuff as simple as this needs to be addressed ... and, ideally, when things like this are on your mind, it has much more impact if it's brought up in *real time* (i.e, it kind of loses it's significance if you bring it up month's later)..

I mean ... better late than never! ... but, I had an ex who used to bring up 'issues' way after the fact ... and, on the receiving end, I always thought to myself "... and you're bringing this up now?" ... actually, it was more than I thought ...

And he'd always say "I don't know."  It kind of made me lose a bit of respect for his own level of self-respect. And yes, it made the request seem much less signficant.

Let me explain ... when you respect yourself and your wants, needs in life ... you ask for what you want and need.   To sit and hands and dwell about it ... IMO, means you do not respect yourself enough to ASK for it.    Or, you're afraid to?     And that isn't a good a sign, either. .

Its up to you know where this is stemming from (ie, did you grow up in a household where it wasn't ok to ask for what you wanted?) ... but, I can tell you this ... if you don't communicate with your GF when something is bothering you ... you relationship (thru won't grow.  ..

Comment #7

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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