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How do you respond to personal ads? Such as match.com?

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My first question is: How do you respond to personal ads? Such as match.com?.

My next question is: Romantic Gestures: What Makes Us Gag & Whats Truly Heartwarming.

Http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-romantic-gestures-what-makes-us-gag-whats-truly-heartwarming/.

Hate to say it, but some romantic gestures are gross and cheesy and not at all what we want when a guy is trying to make a statement. That said, there are some really, really sweet, kind, funny things a man can do to melt our cold hearts. Here are the ten things wed seriously rather you not do to woo us, plus ten gestures that really will turn us to mush.

Things That Are Intended To Be Romantic But Provoke Gag Reflex 1. Having your date using Match.com get down on his knees at a movie theater and serenade you to New Editions Mr. Telephone Man. 2. Having your date using Match.com order for you (um maybe I wanted the chicken?) 3. Rolling in money Indecent Proposal style.  Money is one of the dirtiest and most germ-infested things on the planet.

4. Rose petals leading to the bed, on the bed, surrounding the bed, whatever. Hello clich! 5. Joint shower.One of you will be freezing while the other is under the hot water.  Shampoo in the eyes.  Mascara running down your face.  Need I say more? 6. Corsages and boutonnireseven at prom. 7.

8. Proclaiming your love via AIM or Facebook status.  What are you 12? 9. Sex on the beach = sand in hard to reach and clean crevices. 10. Horse and Carriage rides.

And some of us consider it animal cruelty. And that vagabond of a driver is really going to charge your 40 bucks for four blocks.

10 Things That Will Actually Turn Us To Mush 1. An unrequested foot massage after a day in heels. 2. Bringing your favorite macaroni n cheese from across town when you arent feeling great. 3. Having your love meet you right when youre getting off the train/plane.

Cooking for each other. 5. Considering your mate when youre food shopping for your apartment and picking up snacks/tampons you know theyll want. 6. Knowing exactly how you take your coffee and preparing it beforehand.

Not hogging the Tivo and making room for each others shows. 8. Knowing your favorite flower and making sure you always have a fresh bouquet when they are in season (for example, peonies are available in May!). 9. Meeting your friends, schmoozing your friends, getting the friends to love you.

Opening doors and pulling out chairsunderrated but chivalrous...

Comments (15)

Your question was: How do you respond to personal ads? Such as match.com?.

"Things That Are Intended To Be Romantic But Provoke Gag Reflex10. Horse and Carriage rides. Those horses stink. And some of us consider it animal cruelty. And that vagabond of a driver is really going to charge your 40 bucks for four blocks."Whew! I'm innocent on the first 9, and guilty of WANTING to do #10. I've lived in the New York area for 20 years and have yet to be able to get a chick to do a carriage ride through Central Park.

An unrequested foot massage after a day in heels."Been there, done that: it works!"2. Bringing your favorite macaroni n cheese from across town when you arent feeling great."I've found that catering to girls, even when sick, doesn't work."3. Having your love meet you right when youre getting off the train/plane."I'd like someone to do that for ME!!!"4. Cooking for each other."I can cook exactly 2 things - chili and spaghetti. I have no prayer.\"5.

Knowing exactly how you take your coffee and preparing it beforehand."Done that. Didn't work."7. Not hogging the Tivo and making room for each others shows."I think I'll figure out the grand unification theory of the universe before I master Tivo."8. Knowing your favorite flower and making sure you always have a fresh bouquet when they are in season (for example, peonies are available in May!)."EVERY time I've given flowers to someone, it's been a disaster. I'm never doing it again."9.

(ME: I dont need a guy to schmooze anyone - just be courteous and polite)"The friends of any girl I've ever dated almost always liked me more than she did. "10. Opening doors and pulling out chairsunderrated but chivalrous. "Yeah, but this produces a gag reflex in US...

Comment #1

Good post!.

My comments on some of the Things That Are Intended To Be Romantic But Provoke Gag Reflex.

>>2. Having your date using Match.com order for you (um maybe I wanted the chicken?)<<  I agree. A man who does this has control issues. Run, and run fast!.

>>7. Proposing on the Jumbotron at a sports game.  Public proposals are just awkward, period.<< I agree. If you're confident, you won't feel the need to put her on the spot..

I agree with most of the 10 Things That Will Actually Turn Us To Mush (and my SO does most of these things ).

>>9. Meeting your friends, schmoozing your friends, getting the friends to love you. (ME:  I dont need a guy to schmooze anyone - just be courteous and polite)<<.

I agree with not needing a guy to schmooze anyone. As for the 'getting the friends to love you' - I've never cared one iota if his friends like me. I don't have anything against them; I'm just one who thinks that I don't have to like your friends or be around them at all to love *you*..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #2

<<10. Opening doors and pulling out chairsunderrated but chivalrous. "Yeah, but this produces a gag reflex in US.>>Really? I can't for the life of me understand how showing courtesy and respect to a woman would make a man gag?I've experienced men who let me open the door first and then bustled through it before I did, who watched me (or another lady) with hands full struggling with a door without offering assistance or similar. A man who does these things is a HUGE turnoff even if he otherwise is attractive. Talk about attraction killer for a woman! I expect that you like to be treated with respect and courtesy - why then would offering such to a lady be repugnant to you? Would doing these things for a lady you hold in very high esteem also make you want to gag? And this is JMHO - I think you are in the minority - because the men who DO do these things are usually all smiles when their actions are appreciated..

Toni..

Comment #3

Your answers are funny..

Dont worry about the carriage ride - it is way overrated and I dont care for how the horses are treated either..

 .

"I've found that catering to girls, even when sick, doesn't work.".

Oh my - that is terrible - selfish bitches I presume?.

 .

"3. Having your love meet you right when youre getting off the train/plane.".

"I'd like someone to do that for ME!!!".

I know the feeling - I am very used to not being met at a plane so it doesnt phase me..

 .

"I can cook exactly 2 things - chili and spaghetti. I have no prayer.\".

I am challenged in the kitchen myself..

 .

"I think I'll figure out the grand unification theory of the universe before I master Tivo.".

I dont own Tivo so I dont know what that is all about..

 ..

Comment #4

>>2. Having your date using Match.com order for you (um maybe I wanted the chicken?)<<  I agree. A man who does this has control issues. Run, and run fast!".

Unless, of course, he knows you will be poisoned if you eat other items and wants to protect you...I know...very soap operaish..but it can happen.  Welcome to my world..

"I agree with most of the 10 Things That Will Actually Turn Us To Mush (and my SO does most of these things )".

Yeah, I'd smile too if I were you - lucky lady!!  Was he like this from day one?..

Comment #5

>>Was he like this from day one?<<.

Yeah, he was. I hope in a few years I'm not yelling "You're not the man I used to know!".

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #6

Everybody has different likes and dislikes. But what's important to all is that the gestures he makes feel personal - not canned oh women like that stuff but gee, this is who she is, this will make her heart melt.

,..

Comment #7

I hope not...for your sake too! He sounds perfect for you...

Comment #8

Right - I agree - the gestures shouldnt feel canned..but more genuine.  I dont like the on-one-knee thing because most men cant pull that off without it looking insincere.  I dont need that type of gesture anyway..but I know most women love it...

Comment #9

<<10. Opening doors and pulling out chairsunderrated but chivalrous. "Yeah, but this produces a gag reflex in US.>>Really? I can't for the life of me understand how showing courtesy and respect to a woman would make a man gag?=================================Because it's archaic and kind of self-flagellating. No Roman would have ever considered doing these things. It was the notion of chivalry in the middle ages that gave us this behavior. Are women somehow unable to pull out their own chairs and seat themselves? Not as far as I can tell.

Are women unable to open doors for themselves and walk through? Not as near as I can tell. Is there any reason that men should stand and/or scrunch together in an elevator so that a woman can walk out first? None. It produces one awkward moment after another, especially in this day and age when it's not always expected by women. So, depending on what we do, we can either be seen as being gallant or as being sexist. I just think of it as annoying....

Comment #10

To each his own of course - but courtesy and respect is never archaic. The 'ability' to open a door or pull out a chair is not teh issue - for that matter, she can also pay for her meal and movie too, but since you want to impress the lady, showing respect in a way that matters to her is in order. Opening doors and holding chairs is just a couple of simple way.How DO you show respect and courtesy to a woman you esteem highly?.

Edited 1/1/2009 10:16 pm ET by tonitoons.

Toni..

Comment #11

>>To each his own of course - but courtesy and respect is never archaic. The 'ability' to open a door or pull out a chair is not teh issue - for that matter, she can also pay for her meal and movie too, but since you want to impress the lady, showing respect in a way that matters to her is in order. Opening doors and holding chairs is just a couple of simple way.<<.

IME, the actual ACT isn't what impresses women - it's the fact that the guy thought to do it, that he's not thinking just about him..

I don't think that it's ALWAYS in order; some women don't like it at all. Some women wouldn't even know HOW to react to a man doing that for them, since they have never been with that type of man. And if a guy isn't the type to do it, he isn't the type. I believe it goes back to how the person was raised. IME, for a man who was raised to pull out chairs, etc. it comes naturally to do so - he doesn't necessarily think about it. And he does it for any female company, not just his wife/girlfriend.



I don't equate pulling out chairs etc. with paying for the woman's meal, though. I actually liked to pay for my meal/help to settle the bill when I was dating (online dating with Match.com) someone new. I never wanted to feel like I owed anyone anything. My SO couldn't fathom this when we were first dating. I told him he needed to get that 'man must pay' nonsense out of his head. Now, for us, the one who is taking the other out does the paying..

I think pulling out chairs etc. for some women is the equivalent of women unlocking the driver's door from inside for men. (See 'A Bronx Tale'; the test to see if the girl was worth it was whether she unlocked the driver's door after she was already seated in the car). Both might be antiquated, but both still happen in some cases - and usually come naturally for the people doing it. No one ever had to tell me to open the door for a guy (before I had a car of my own); it just seemed like the polite and sensible thing to do..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #12

"5. Considering your mate when youre food shopping for your apartment and picking up snacks/tampons you know theyll want.".

I'm not buying tampons, no matter how hot the chick is or how much I'm in love with her.<<<<.

Thank goodness you're in the minority on this one. Most men in committed relationships realise that no one in the store would ever think the pads/tampons are for THEM. ::eyeroll::.

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #13

I see your point - pulling out chairs and opening doors is just an example. It's nice. It's courteous. And when a man does these things for me - I make sure he knows I appreciate it. Why would you feel like you owed someone something if they were generous to you? True gifts come from the heart and not because one expects repayment in any way(though there are those that DO this). If someone gives me something - a meal or a gift or even helps me out with something - and does have an expectation of something in return - that's their issue.

I know many younger women feel this way and I think it's a sad comentary on the ability to be treated well - it shows a level of not deserving. Learn to accept things without obligation - you DESERVE them!.

Toni..

Comment #14

>>And when a man does these things for me - I make sure he knows I appreciate it. <<.

Oh, so do I. As I said, my SO still does these things, and it's been 4 years. Hence, it's natural for him to do so..

>>Why would you feel like you owed someone something if they were generous to you? True gifts come from the heart and not because one expects repayment in any way(though there are those that DO this). If someone gives me something - a meal or a gift or even helps me out with something - and does have an expectation of something in return - that's their issue. Not mine. I know many younger women feel this way and I think it's a sad comentary on the ability to be treated well - it shows a level of not deserving.<<.

Well, I was younger then. But it's not that I felt I owed anyone anything; it's just when going out with someone who you really don't know, you can't be sure what he's going to turn out to be like, KWIM? My point wasn't that *I* didn't feel I owed anything; it was that *he* (random guy) might feel I owed him something. Of course if I had to be single again now, I wouldn't think about that at all..

>>Learn to accept things without obligation - you DESERVE them! <<.

Yeah, I hear ya.

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #15


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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