How do you quit

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My first question is: How do you quit

My next question is: Hi. I have what may be a rather silly question, at least given the fact that I am 50 yo, and so is the man who prompted me to write this... (I feel sort of like junior high...)Anyway... I met this man at work a few months ago. We are both divorced. He is one of my boss's clients.

When I opened the door for him... There was "something"... I never felt that before. He continued to call and/or come into the office quite often, flirting, chatting with me. I was trying to get the courage to ask him out...

Have a great time. No sex, but a little closer than I would have liked. (I couldn't help it - I am so very, very attracted to this guy.) He calls a couple of times, and we talk about going out again. I was so certain about us, that even after one date using I told a few friends that I was going to marry him!! I'm not a psycho! I felt it... We make plans to go out Friday night.

(I know for a fact that there are issues with his kids.) Says he'll "be in touch". Don't hear from him for a week, so I call him, leave a message, ask how things are going, and if maybe he wants to get away for a drink and some jazz... Don't hear from back him until tonight - 10 days later!! What do I do? Do I call him back? And if so, what do I say? If not, what do I do? What about when he comes in to our office again?? I do want to see him again, but I don't want to be used, taken for granted, and all that crap. Yes, I will take a chance... I really, really like this guy, yes, after only one date! I appreciate the advice and words of wisdom, as I am fairly new to the dating (online dating with game of the 21st Century!Thank you!Sealady1212..

Comments (8)

Your question was: How do you quit

It really depends on what you're looking for.  If you're looking for Mr. Reliable and Really Interested In You, then no, he's not that guy.  But he could be fun to go out with once in a while.  I have guys like that in my life (I'm 50 also) and while they are not relationship (thru material, they are fun for the occasional show or movie.  I enjoy their company but I don't expect anything more than a fun evening out with them once in a while..

If you can adjust your hopes/expectations with this guy, then that might work for you..


Comment #1

I think returning the call should be a given - it would be rude if you didnt.  However, you see the priority a romance plays in this man's life and you could address it with him ... ask him if romance plays a priority in his life.. but the kids usually come first so just beware of that...

Comment #2

It is my belief, especially in the very fragile beginnnings of a relationship, a woman should not be doing the calling..

Yes, call him back (not right away!), after he calls you to be politce, but taking the initiative?  I'd say "no"..

Why?  Not out of moral reasons but of what works.  Men are very often lose interest in a woman who is too interested...even if THEY started out very interested. .

They rarely lose interest if she resists calling.  In fact, the challenge, excites him and keeps him trying...even if he denies it consciously..

Have you ever met a man who was smitten over you...all gushy and overly interested too soon?  Did it turn you off?  Men feel that, too.  Distance, intrigue, mystery (as in, "what is she thinking/feeling") really helps in the beginning.  Later is the time for the expression of feelings..

I do feel, though, women can always flirty and be friendly to let him know she is "open" BUT not take the initiative..

So, he knows you are made it obvious.  Let him do the work now....don't pursue anymore. .

Let us know what happens..



Comment #3

You can call but don't have to rush it. And be cautious - and honest. You liked him, understand his kids are priority and you've just been on one date, you just want to know where he's at - is he too preoccupied to be open to a relationship? If so, you just want to know what's going on.  Don't make a big deal about it but show that you need to be treated with respect and concern.  All best.


Comment #4

I agree.  If he contacts you take it from there. But it doesn't sound worth making an active effort to pursue.


Comment #5

I dont think calling is the best idea. Better to look at why you became obsessed so quickly. Good luck.


Comment #6

We're all here to help each other navigate through. That's why this community is so wonderful!.


Comment #7

The more you can be reliant on yourself the less dependent and reactive you will be, which will allow you to enjoy different types of relationships - not everything has to last forever...


Comment #8

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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